Have you done Atma-nikshepa?(scathing self-analysis /self-abnegation to the extreme)

[krsna 3]

Atma-nikshepa

BY: JAGABHANDU DAS

 

 

 

Atma-nikshepa (scathing self-analysis or self-abnegation to the extreme) <CENTER> </CENTER><CENTER>math tulyo nasti papatma

naparadhi ca kascana

parihare' pi lajja me

kim bhruve purushottama</CENTER><CENTER> </CENTER>

 

"My Lord, I feel ashamed. How shall i offer you some many pure things like flowers? Generally, pure things are offered to You, but what about me? i have come with the most filthy thing to offer You. I feel ashamed. I have come to You, with only my shame, to beg for Your mercy. There is no parallel to my sinful criminal life. Everything that can be conceived of as bad is found in me. It is very difficult even to speak about the characteristics of my heinous sins and crimes..." Srila Rupa Goswami Prabhupada

 

 

 

To those who would observe the shallowness and offensiveness of my basic nature I would offer heartfelt thanks for they are my true friend and apologize that they were somehow forced into my proximity and acquaintance. It is out of their generosity of spirit that they are only scratching the surface of my actual vileness of being.

 

 

Several years ago, in an all too rare and fleeting moment of brutal self-honesty, I came to understand that all false-esteem aside and regardless of external pretence to the contrary, I was not a Vaisnava. Of course, this is certainly no surprise to any who have ever had the misfortune of my cripple-minded and cruel companionship. Yet under the intoxicating influence of monstrous self-pride, my unbridled false ego had drastically distorted my elemental self- perception to conceitedly presume that I was actually trying to develop genuine affection for their Supreme Lordships Sri Sri Radha-Krsna, through allegedly progressive loving service, and that I might therefore be considered a Vaisnava. However, in my flickering glimpse of luminosity it became embarrassingly apparent that despite my previously imagined affiliation with Sri Gaudiya Vaisnavism. I was not then, and am not now in fact, a Vaisnava.

 

 

Rather, I am a conditioned jiva soul, bound by karma to an ephemeral existence in a material body. What audacity! What impudence! What arrogance! How heinous, that I, a lowborn mleccha, debauchee, rascal had so recklessly (and absurdly) harbored the exceedingly vain, self-delusion of ever having been a Vaisnava.

 

 

In all honesty, my wicked heart was filled with the baser, brutish emotions which commonly fall beneath the actual human spectrum of feeling. What to speak of vainly laying false claim to such lofty titles of pre-eminent regard such as "Vaisnava", I was barely human, as exposed for all to see by my own naturally devotionally regressive behavioral patterns and subsequent character deficiencies.

 

 

At this point. after carefully observing the capricious cunning of my own puny, corrupted mind, among other things, I came to notice that for grossly materially conditioned beings such as myself, walking the spiritual path properly is an extremely subtle process, There are in fact, seemingly endless detours which lead to self-deluded, ego-centric, semblance of true spirituality. I also observed how extremely easy it is for the conditioned soul to deceive himself into experiencing genuine spiritual growth, when in truth, he is merely galvanizing false egotism and consequential pseudo-spiritual vanity through mere cosmetic devotions. The basic misconception is not unique to any one spiritual tradition.

 

 

There is always the tendency to lazily seek short cuts to spiritual attainment when not understanding that it is the iron character forged on the fiery, ordealous and arduous road of gradual progress that prepares the soul for the accurate and humble perception of his own genuine development. Those who thoughtlessly seek and exploit apparent loopholes to actual spiritual achievement usually do so because of an elemental over eagerness to obtain and bask in the admiration of their apparent spiritual siblings. The empty vanity of such ill-motivated attempts almost always results in eventual failure. True spiritual progress is achieved by natural, honest devotional self-improvement. Behavior and practice are consequential---one thing leads to another, until the esteemed spiritual ideal is pragmatically imbibed by the sincere adherent.

 

 

Of course, there will always be impatient and lazy-minded larvae like myself, who would arrogantly attempt premature ascension to the transcendental firmament before having metamorphosed the prerequisite wings of sraddha. Any such premature attempts at spiritual levitation must surely be considered mere flights of fancy. Thus it is possible by power of imagination alone for a caterpillar to falsely believe that they have already become a butterfly without ever having undergone the natural transformation process. And so it was, that I had deceived myself to believe that I had become the rarest and most superexcellent of all beings in existence, a Vaisnava, a servant of God. After all, Srila Prabhupada had humbly expressed that he himself was "only trying to be a servant of God," because " a servant of God was no ordinary thing." How then was it that I had seen fit to supercede his earnest self-perception by vainly considering myself a Vaisnava? Nothing is automatic or presumed when considering actual inner development. Thirty years(or many lifetimes) of so-called experience may merely be six months experience, sixty times. Contrary to my grave personal misconception and ignorant vainglorious assumption---overfertile imagination and Vaisnava practices alone, do not a Vaisnava make.

 

 

Truly, it is not possible for those of impure heart, such as I, to even begin to conceive of the incomparable transcendental splendour of pure love for God, what to speak of vainly imagining the overwhelming emotional effects of such paramount affection in unrequited separation, as exemplified by the real Vaisnava through the Supreme Agency of suddha krsna-nam, the soul's aspirant fervent plea for the re-awakenment of the eternal service opportunity at the toenails of the Lotus Feet of servant of the servant of the servant of Sri Krsna Mahaprabhu.

 

 

Humbly,

the vile being known as, Jagabandhu Das

[renuka 0]

Haribol! Why so wordy? Humility is to be practiced not advertised!

[Jahnava Nitai Das 2]

And he doesn't once mention anything about the Vaishnava he has offended, B.V. Puri Maharaja. If he isn't ready to clear his offense to this Vaishnava, then everything he says is just him trying to display his advanced knowledge to the rest of us.

 

In case anyone isn't aware of the reason of his response, read this:

 

http://harekrsna.com/sun/editorials/04-06/editorials314.htm