kriya/med.

[Guest guest]

Dear Abinashi,

I so miss you! Your words are so eloquent and compassionate. You have

a true gift!

Thank you for your response. I am hard-headed when it comes to

receiving help. I have been on my own since I was 17 and feel blessed

by all the bumps along the way. When I finally managed my anger,

where I was always an overachiever :>), my whole world opened up and

I felt capable of being able to feel and deal with whatever came my

way. When my husband started to really despise his current job

because it wasn't fulfilling, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't

understand where the impulse to "graze" at 4pm everyday was coming

from. I wasn't hungry or angry. It hit me suddenly one day last week

when I was talking aloud to myself about why I was searching the

cupboards for 'something'. I recognized the feeling as identical to

the one from my childhood. My husband's emotions of unhappiness that

followed him through the door like a tidal wave were parallel to the

feelings I had when I lived with my parents. My husband is the most

level human being I have EVER encountered. When he stopped feeling

that way and there was nothing I could do about it, I started the

grazing. Just like I could never do enough with my parents which I

realized a few years ago had nothing to do with me.

I forgave my folks awhile ago. I don't have a relationship with my

mom or brother but keep them in my thoughts everyday and wish them

well.

This is why I was wondering about a kriya or meditation for whatever

this thing is. I remember Gururattana writing about the sound

vibrations when chanting and allowing them to soothe the emotions

that come up during the Kirtan Kriya. I have been doing it ever since

and truly look forward to it. I sometimes do not use accompaniment

just to hear my own voice and the vibration it brings. I hope to make

this a 1000 day meditation.

I will heed your advice about a 12 step program and see what I can

find. You can also e-mail me off site as I would love to chat with

you.

Thank you again and to all who have posted with sage advice.

Blessings

Sat Sangat