Zen, for when you take life too seriously

May 11, 2005

Zen, for when you take life too seriously1. Save the whales. collect the whole

set. 2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 3. On the other hand, you have

different fingers. 4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6. 99 percent of

lawyers give the rest a bad name. 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a

parallel universe. 8. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 9. Remember, half the

people you know are below average. 10. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 11.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 12. The early bird may get the

worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 13. I drive way too fast to worry

about cholesterol. 14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people

have. 15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. 16. A

clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 17. Change is inevitable,

except from vending machines. 18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a

great trade! 19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. 20. Always try to be modest,

and be proud of it! 21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of

payments. 22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. 23. OK,

so what's the speed of dark? 24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible

ink? 25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

something. 26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 28. Everyone has a

photographic memory. Some just do not have film. 29. If Barbie is so popular,

why do you have to buy her friends? 30. How much deeper would the ocean be

without sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines. 32. What

happens if you get scared half to death twice? 33. I used to have an open mind

but my brains kept falling out. 34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made

your horn louder. 35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 36. Inside

every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. 37. Just

remember, if the world did not suck, we would all fall off. 38. Light travels

faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them

speak.

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