Dealing with stuff

[Guest guest]

I've had a lot of difficult things come up in the

last six months — breaking up with my girlfriend of 4

years, a job that I don't like, many friends moving away

— and yoga has been a godsend in keeping me

balanced. But this morning and several other mornings in

the past, I just felt like there was no way I could

practice. I didn't have the energy. And then I had this

thought that I was using yoga as a way to avoid how I

feel. Usually I tend to think of yoga helping me get

more in touch with how I feel. <br><br>I didn't want

to practice; I just wanted the expansive feeling at

the end of practice. Is this a typical trap on the

path or is it just my way of dealing with stuff? I was

hoping I could get some feedback. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

For me, Hatha Yoga breaks up the tension in my

body, so that I can go deeper into that place of

stillness within. I find that sitting meditation helps the

quality of my practice, and life in general.

<br><br>There is a great article written by Barry Long that I

have found to bring peace of mind in Hatha Yoga

practice. It is in his new book, "The Way In", and is

available from amazon.com and bn.com.

[Guest guest]

I was moved my your posting because I've been

there. I don't have any good advice. I stopped regular

practice for a few months once because of similar feelings

(gasp!). At times I just couldn't do it, and I do think I

wanted to capture an old feeling of expansiveness rather

than deal with the contraction of the moment--pain!

Pain is never easy, and yoga is indeed a blessing to

keep us sane and balanced. I have personally felt

"saved" by ashtanga--when I look at how I coped with

things before I began practicing and how I cope now--I'm

amazed.<br><br>So I guess what I want to say but hestiate to say it

is--be gentle with yourself. If practicing seems like

walking through a brick wall--try making yourself do a

bare minimum--whatever works for you. That could be

"at least I'll do surya namaskar 6 days a week," or

it could be taking it one day at a time in your

practice. Don't worry. Resist guilt--it nearly paralyzed

me! Once in a while I would force myself to practice,

only to start crying after one surya namaskar. We are

humans, weak and crazy! It's all part of the

path.<br><br>I have a feeling--if you are anything like the rest

of us ashtanga addicts-- even if you don't practice

strongly for a while, you will never leave it and it will

certainly never leave you.<br><br>This forum is excellent;

if I had this when I was feeling "dead" to practice

(and to life), I probably would have been better off.

Hang in there.<br><br>With love,<br>Sunshine

[Guest guest]

I agree with Sunshine -- even if you take a break

from the practice, chances are you will come back. I

have had some situations in the past which made it

difficult, if not impossible, to practice on a daily or

semi-daily basis (i.e., work deadlines, serious illness).

Once I didn't do even a simple stretch for three

weeks! Although I missed the practice, I never once felt

guilty because I knew this was just a short hiatus from

the routine and I would eventually go back to my

normal practice once my life settled down. Many may not

agree with me, but I think you need to listen not only

to your body, but to your mind -- it may just need a

break. After I was gone a few weeks, I was amazed how

limited and stiff my body had become. Thankfully it

didn't take long to get back to where I was, but it was

also very enlightening to see what affect regular

practice has on my body. Bottom line: do not feel guilty.

It takes too much energy.<br><br>Namaste.<br><br>M

[Guest guest]

Just a short thought on "feeling guilty". As

astangis we all know about the benefits of a constant and

deliberate practice. "Abhyasa" is the keyword. But Patajali

also mentions "Vairagya". Detachment to the fruits of

our actions. <br>As longtime practitioners we easily

get attached to the "achievements" (e.g. flexibility

etc.) in our practice and than as human beings we start

rating ourselves according to these achievements. We get

caught in the rating-game. By placing absolutistic

demands like "I did not practice today, which I

absolutely should not have done, and therefore am a bad

person" we start a process of self-downing and guilt or

shame for acting so poorly may take over.

<br><br>Therefore we should always keep in mind that we are still

human, even if we try really hard to liberate our

individual soul. And as humans we are fallible. So,

especially if the going gets rough, don't make it even worse

by blaming yourself for taking a time-out! Or as

Albert Ellis puts it "Shoodhood leads to shithood. You

are rarely a shit without a should".<br><br>OM shanti

[Guest guest]

Dear johdemmett,<br>So pleased to hear your

message. Same thing for me and I think reading your

message validates my own choices about practice which I

will share with you. I have tight hips and messy

illio-saccral crap which is completely being eeked apart by

ashtanga, esp primary (forward bending and hip-opening)

series practice. As a result I am occasionally in

serious aching pain due to my body being re-aligned. It

was suggested to me that it is better to practice and

at least do surya A & B. If it is really bad I'll

just chant and/or do one suryanamaskara and finishing

poses with a lot of breaths, like ten or twenty. I just

moved and did most of the carrying and hauling myself

which left me utterly exhausted to the bone so my

practice has been minimal for the last week or so.

Sometimes I will begin practice and say "I'll see how I

feel in my body and if the lower back is really bad, I

stop and do finishing poses." And today, I have to

move some big boxes out of the way so I can put my

yoga mat down.<br><br>What I am not so good at is

recognizing that these choices are the same for emotional

exhaustion as well which can also leave me tired enough that

I am vulnerable to injury. This is more difficult

to recognize but I am geussing that it is the

same.<br><br>Also, every day is not going to be the same. Prana will

be always different. I am not really sure if what I

am doing is right or wrong, but I try to honor my

committment by at least chanting in the morning if I can't do

a full practice. I don't think yoga is supposed to

make you miserable . For me the interesting lesson has

been learning to distinguish between the 'monkey-mind,

negative, lazy, worldly-attached' voice that doesn't want

to practice and the voice of god that says, "Hey,

you are exhausted. Let yourself heal. Rest some and

be light." The latter is getting more

clear.<br><br>What I am letting go of is being very hard on myself

and pushing too hard and getting competitive and

forceful. I gave up a regular schedule of almost daily 3-4

mile runs, stair climbing and weights, plus "power

yoga" 2-3 or 4 times a week for a morning ashtahga

practice. I also practiced T'ai Chi regularly for about

three years 3 times a week. I was a competitive athlete

(swimming and springboard diving) for years growing up and

a dancer which is also very competitive. It has

been difficult psychologically to make the change even

though I never really liked running that much. I did

this because it is better for me but it is still sort

of hard. The interesting thing is that I feel

lighter and happier and I have lost about three pounds.

(My diet is better but no major changes - always

vegitarian)<br><br>I think yoga changes everything about a person for

the better but to do a full practice when you are so

exhausted physically or emotionally is probably not a good

idea if your body is telling you to rest. <br><br>Good

luck. I would love some responses to this. What do

others do?<br><br>Namaste,<br>Trinka