Gadadhara das

>> fortunately I do not depend on my tinctures for income as I work as a scientist in a laboratory. making tinctures is more like a hobby

Hare Krishna. Do you know anyone who does make income on it, so we could order some stuff? In my corner of the world the ingredients do not grow.

Gadadhara dasa,

Riga, Latvia

What you have told here reminds me of my own experience 10 years ago. At one point I felt like spacemen our param-guru, Srila Prabhupada, was laughing about: no matter how far they rise in the sky, they have to come back down again. Finally I realized that it is a kind of addiction - addiction to the suffering. During following years I've seen a lot of people with this addiction.

All my life, from childhood I had experienced too many troubles. I didn't know how it is, to live happy, prosperous and satisfied. Now, as soon as everything started to go on smoothly, sadhana OK, etc., I started feeling discomfort! Actually, I didn't know how to live like that.

Usually I compare it with the situation of a man coming out of jail after 15 years. He has paid for his crime, but the world has changed and he does not fit in anymore. He knows well how to survive in the jail, but the outside world he doesn't know. As we know, many such people end up in the jail again...

Similarly, we have been released from the jail of material existence by the mercy of the Supreme Lord, His devotees and Guru, and by renouncimg the sinful path of life. But the mind starts reeling, disoriented, because it's too unfamiliar to be free. And subconsciously (!) we start seeking the ways how to feel 'normal' again.

And some people (I have had a couple patients like that) have this problem to such a degree, that they do not even feel any symptoms of inner peace, freedom, etc., not to speak of real bliss... It is all due to mind's function to provide the psychological stability, the status quo, **however terrible it may be**.

As far as my experience goes (myself as well as those people I've treated), usually there is a significant track of psychological traumas, abuse etc. during childhood. Many painful experiences which the person has been unable to digest, so they are buried deep within with the signpost "Mine Field! Keep away!" Unfortunately, it is the place where the path of spiritual advancement goes. We have to change many things within ourselves to advance in spiritual life, but the subconscious part says, "forget it". Too painful.

Have you ever been doing physical exercises with a broken leg? OK, don't even try - heal it first. Similarly, in such a situation we should heal our past wounds to become able to advance - and automatically start feeling the benefits of chanting Lord Krishna's name. One will feel it right away.

I have described them on my web page on Topcities but I am not yet allowed to post the URLs here, so please write me a private message if you are interested. Or search me on Skype (Gadadhara_Riga).

>>I had been severely depressed for so long,

 

Looks like what I said above.

 

>> I was told by a jyotish I was having some astrological problems, (...)

 

I've noticed one problem with astrology: its followers have a danger of starting to believe in influence of planets and demigods - more than influence of Lord Visnu and Guru. Do not forget: this world is made so that we CANNOT escape it! It is a prisonhouse after all. And only by the grace of Supreme Lord and Guru we can get out of it.

 

In one sense, astrology simply denies our free will - and strengthens the belief that we don't have any. More than that: once I talked with a fellow astrologer, and he admitted that most people do not utilize even the possibilities allowed by their horoscope. Why? Due to the same reason: the subconscious part of mind acting to continue making us unhappy.

 

>> The very basic things that I need to do, I can't seem to do them.

 

One curious question. Please type the word "co-dependence" in a web search, then read a couple of good articles about that, and consider if it has any relevance for you? I have also this problem to some degree, and I discovered that MOST people nowadays are co-dependent, which basically means that we are brought up to seek somebody, or something that *forces* us to live in a certain way. As soon as one tries to choose his own path freely... very difficult. So?

 

>> I've tried praying to God time and time again for guidance, but He doesn't seem to be listening to me.

 

Wwoooww! Really?

There are very simple and effective ways to prove to you that He really does. If you read about "Open your Heart to the Lord" and "Circle of Prayers" on my page I mentioned already, these techniques are very effective for that, I've worked with several devotees in a heavy depression. The only difficulty may be to find a couple of other devotees interested, and try it. It will be really spectacular!

 

>> I'm lost, trying to find myself, trying to know my own abilities (which I have lost faith in (...)

 

Wasn't it your parents in the childhood too much chastising you for mischief, or for success below *their* expectations?

 

>> as well as faith in God)

 

Yes, usually it is the result - but not the end. And the first thing you should start with is - to learn to accept yourself as you are. When I'm working with others, I use the "Talk to Your Problem" technique (again, it's on my web page). You can just do it by yourself. Read one sentence, then sit back and inspect your feelings you observe when thinking about what was written in the text... then next sentence...

If that's difficult for you for any reason, I can help you - call me through Skype.

 

>> and trying to understand what God wants from me.

 

He wants you to be happy. And everybody else, too.

 

>> (...), and the lowest I ever scored, even without knowing any of the material, was still higher than the score I got on the actual day of the test.

 

You will have to change your attitude towards those exams. I had a funny experience during my studies before taking up spiritual life. Once I had an exam in psychology. Since I was quite depressed at that period, I had missed a lot of lectures. Before the test I was desperately cramming the textbooks, and I spent most of the last night reading. At the test I draw the easiest ticket of all: the 4 temperaments! I knew the topic already several years before. Why did I prepare at all for the exam?! But when I came forward, due to stress I could hardly squeak and barely passed the exam...

 

Then, another time I participated in a physics contest. I took it lightly and didn't even bother myself reading and preparing too much. I took the task papers, solved them leisurely... how I was amazed to be called the winner of the contest!

 

I read a similar point about F1 pilot Schumacher, how a day before race he was playing tennis with full concentration. He developed the "I don't care" attitude towrds race and was able to keep a cool head. That's why he was called a man without nerves: nonattachment.

 

But to be nonattached towards worldly achievements, we have to first get rid of those people (usu parents) sitting inside us and telling all the time that we HAVE to do this-and-that at any cost. The best method for that is the NLP technique for "cutting the psychological dependence", which I've not yet posted on web. Interested?

 

>> I knew the test wasn't going well, and I prayed to God for guidance. I even asked my brother for guidance, and unfortunately, as I suspected, I got the wrong advice as my results were as bad as I feared.

 

Just one comment to this point (and all the similar ones): the subconscious part of our mind will **always** take over the conscious part. Why? Simple. Invisible opponents are very difficult to conquer. Special approach (techniques connected to the trance phenomenon) is necessary. Logical, rational methods will not work, since they are blocked by the same mind's defense I wrote at the beginning.

 

>> I've been so depressed ever since, not knowing where I'm going in life. I'm getting older, and there just seems to be no way out. I have great ambition, but I believe in having a firm foundation of confidence in myself and God before striving for better things or else all I'll ever encounter is failure.

 

More or less these were also my problems. That's why I eventually started learning modern psychotherapy.

 

>> I admit I am frustrated with God, I wish I could stop bothering about a God that doesn't seem to care a bit about me

 

Actually, there is no problem about God but - the point that the ancient process, sadhana, elaborated by the Acaryas was created for normal people. Not for crazies like me, you... and 95% of today's people. We need something else, we need therapy before we can really start advancing. I did just a little bit and felt a big difference.

 

>> but I still can't do that no matter how much I want to. I still chant the Gayatri mantra in the hopes that things will make a marked improvement soon, that God will reveal Himself to me in some way when He sees my persistence.

 

Yes, we should go on hope against hope. Sparrows and the ocean.

 

>> I felt like maybe God was testing me to see whether I gave up on Him too easily, and so I'm trying to fight through this by continually chanting even though I am suffering from a severe case of depression...

 

Here is my realization: with the advancement of aliyuga, there will be more and more people with these problems. And now we can join our efforts and work out the methodology to help such people! Just see how the Supreme wants us to learn something very special.

 

>> ... I guess they tried putting a curse on me or something (not really sure I believe in this stuff (...)

>> ...This was 10 times worse, and my parents were really worried about me.

 

It is just a proof that you are highly sensitive and have special abilities. Please believe it, since people without special abilities are too dumb to be influenced like this. And... people like you (and me, too) develop health problems real fast as soon as they do something wrong. Microscopes cannot be used for hammering nails. Have you read about the "indigo people"? If not, I recommend.

 

>> One day, when I was driving to school, on the day I had a test, I was chanting the Hare Krsna mantra, and somehow I lost consciousness and my car rear-ended with another, and I found myself in an accident. I was so depressed with this incident, and while fortunately nobody was seriously injured, I was really shaken by the incident.

 

This will improve when you will improve your skills of entering and exiting trance on your own will - again, I've written in my web about the States Of Consciousness.

 

>> ... and then he claims he saw my face, and said I was going to be a great man. He told me I was really generous, but I was really lazy right now but will soon work like a tiger.

 

Just see. Yes, you simply have to remove the basic obstacles within you.

 

>> I had no idea what was wrong with me but I'd have migraine headaches with eye pain, and I'd have other nonspecific problems)

 

These are typical psychosomatic problems. Improve your emotional condition and they will cease.

 

>> I just tried to brush away my cynical nature, but I think my cynical nature was right, especially since nothing has changed for me.

 

Not cynical nature. Again, it's the mind's defense. Any attempts to improve the condition are recognized as dangerous and shot at sight.

Fortunately, there is the back door: trance. In my case, Ericssonian hypnotherapy seminars provided a drastic change. Of course there are still problems to solve, but there is a huge difference.

 

>> I used to get so involved in chanting, and I'd feel pressure on my forehead, like my brain was expanding or something, like something was ready to "open", or something was going to happen. (...) I had moments where I'd notice blue waves appear and recede behind my closed eyelids, various spots of color (...)

 

Better not to move in this direction - at least in a weak condition. In the condition described above by you, looks like "advanced" methods might yield some side effects, and some of them may be unwanted. What about simple and harmless mantras, like names of Lord Vishnu? In my own experience, as well as many others, these are the safe, effective and harmless. Anyway, it's up to yourself.

 

All good to you. Hare Krishna. If you have any questions, etc., you are welcome to write me. Or call on Skype.

Gadadhara dasa