Dear jeevatman, I chanced upon your post in this forum while searching for some meanings of Bhagavaan's names in Sri Vishnu Sahasranaamam, and I was a little moved by your position. I by no means am claiming to have an answer to your dilemma, but I did have some thoughts that I wanted to share with you nevertheless, which I hope will help you in your journey. Do not worry, however. Your sincerity is evident in your post and I very much appreciate your sincerity. I am confident that Bhagavaan will take care of you. Firstly, I am not a Sri Vaishnava. By the grace of Bhagavaan in the form of my aachaaryar, I am initiated into another vaishnava sampradaayam. Owing to my previous lives' samskaaram I am also attracted very much to the worship of the Divya Thampathigal as they do in the Sri Vaishnava sampradaayam. Maybe this is the case with you, as well. Now I am also not born in a 'brahmin' family. I place brahmin in quotes because if I recall correctly, it is the guna, and not the birth lineage, that takes precedent in determining one's varna, caste. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I appreciate how you feel towards Bhagavaan. And I admit that I actually laughed out loud when I read that your wife warns you not to cry in the temple. It's very charming! I also listen to Sri U. Ve. V. K. Swamigal and very much appreciate his bhakti and jnanam of the samparadaayam. I would like to meet him one day with the blessings of my aachaaryar and the bhaagavathargal, who are the grace of Bhagavaan. It is only due to my aachaaryar and the bhaagavathargal that I have any feeling towards Bhagavaan. While reading your questions, the following thoughts came to my mind. Please note that in no way am I claiming to hold final answers to your queries, for that is only Bhagavaan, who has his ways of bringing his sharanaagathargal towards him. 1. I think Pancha Samskaaram means one is graced by Thaayaar, who is bhakti devi herself, to approach Bhagavaan. This grace comes through our aachaaryar. I think the only eligibility to approach Bhagavaan is just simply being attracted to Him and everything connected to Him, no? 2. Generally speaking, Chakravarti Prahlaadhar had serious opposition for performing his aaraadhanai. Because Bhagavaan is Sarvajna, sincere prayer to incorporate your worship into your life in such a manner that it will positively affect your situation is not impossible at all. That said, it would be knowledgeable if you can find out why is it that one needs the permission of one's mother and wife to be initiated. It would be inspiring to follow rules with a proper understanding, in my opinion. 3. I don't know whether it is right or wrong, but I can tell you I've done it before. It would be good to hear the opinion of learned Sri Vaishnava's from this forum. 4. Bhagavaan, through my aachaaryar, gave me bhaagavath kainkaryam. As I tried my best to do it, eventually my aachaaryar gave me Pancha Samskaaram, because by doing bhaagavath kainkaaryam my attraction to Bhagavaan increased. The Pancha Samskaaram that was given by my aachaaryar gave me further ability to worship Bhagavaan, i.e. archa vigraham, etc. This further helped me to serve the bhaagavathargal, i.e. cooking for them. Bhaagavath kainkaaryam is everything. He is Bhakta Vatsala, so this is very pleasing to Sriman Lakshmipati. 5-6. I so very much appreciate your eagerness for bhaagavath kainkaaryam. 7. From what I understand, it seems that Bhagavaan comes into our life when He chooses. The nava grahangal serve His Thiruvadigal. Believe me, if one of his dearmost bhakta wants, he can send us to Sri Vaikuntham in this life. Bhakti is beyond karma (i.e. our astrological chart). In fact, I asked my aachaaryar this very same question a few years back. He cited to me a verse from Sri Prahalaadha Charitra found in Sri Bhagavatha Puranam: nyasta-kridanako balo jadavat tan-manastaya krishna-graha-grihitatma na veda jagad idrisam Sri Prahalaadha Perumaal's life was influenced by Vaikuntham, beyond the world of cause and effect (i.e. nava-grahas). There is so much to speak about this subject in terms of tattva but I will refrain from doing so. It's just too much. But anyways, once the kripai of Sriman Naaraayana comes into our life in the form of His bhaagavathargal who are all about Him, rest assured we are on our way to Param Paadam. Although I am initiated into a different vaishnava sampradaayam, I regularly visit the following channel on YouTube by a Sri Vaishnavar. You might find some solace there: youtube.com/watch?v=S3pLGFx4alE I sincerely appreciate your dainyam and eagerness. Bhagavaan will never forget anyone who desires to sincerely do kainkaaryam to His own sharanaagatha's. You have such a fortunate desire. I hope you will kindly pray to Bhagavaan that I also develop such a sincere desire like yours. Thank you.