All glories to Guru and Gauranga<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:" /><o:p></o:p>
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Pranams<o:p></o:p>
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I want to seek your advice: I am in a turning point in my life for 2 reasons. First, I am having difficulty with my almost 16 years of marriage, there is no more love between us; he is not a devotee at all but accommodates my devotional practices, —this has been going on for almost 5 years, and I am seriously considering leaving . Second, Last year, I was encouraged to take initiation by some devotees but because I still did not feel the “love “ in my heart for the Guru I did not take the mercy. Last year, I did feel the love for Him and thus approached him; and he responded , through his secretary, saying that he will finally give me initiation when we see each other. My immediate plan is to finally take initiation. And decide what to do with my personal life later on. <o:p></o:p>
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But I want to canvass your opinion on, whether I should get married again? My personal background is below:<o:p></o:p>
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I am now 48 with 2 teenage children . I grew up in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:place w:st="on">Asia</st1:place> but now living in a western country, my husband is my only boyfriend. All my life, religion and spirituality have been an influential mainstay in my life. I am mild manner, had led a “boring” life. I had a happy childhood. My parents are still together; now almost 53 years. I am the most conservative among my sisters. In my youth I have never attended dancing parties, never smoked, never taken drugs, my only interest was in my academic studies, religion and spirituality. My friends in my youth were the academically inclined; I went to the most prestigious university in the country of my birth, but I was not ambitious like my friends. I am like my mother who prefers home life and gardening. Though I went back to work when my children started going to primary school . I believe the cut would not be very clean or easy. He is a nuisance and pedantic, while I try to be kind to people and a bit laidback. He made our financial situation complicated; our major assets which are not much, are in a trust. I fear of the money involve if I get a lawyer to straighten the kinks and I do not like to go through the hassles this early. I do not have that much with regards to material resources but I am not empty handed either, on my own. I am thinking letting nature take its time and course. But I can’t stand him anymore. Also, KC for me at this stage is the sweetest it’s ever been. I sometimes feel “alone” and out when the devotees come as family or with their partners.<o:p></o:p>
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My spiritual background: In 1978 I got actively involved with Siddha Swarup AnandaParamahamsa’s group in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Philippines</st1:place></st1:country-region> – Bhaktivedanta Swami’s disciple and was with them for almost 4 years doing seva for their programs while working a 9-5 job in the outside world. Then I contacted ISKCON in 1981 and lived in the ashram for a year while continuing my job in the outside world. When I was actively involved with ISKCON , the gurus that took turns in the region were Hansadutta, Kirtananda and Bhavananda. I kept my association with ISKCON by attending the programs and giving some donations but no one Guru has moved my heart. <o:p></o:p>
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Then last year, I met a Guru, who I have faith in and now ready to receive his mercy and make the commitment.<o:p></o:p>
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At my age, I do not know If I can still have children but I know that at this age I am not ready just yet to be in the renounced order.<o:p></o:p>
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Two of my friends gave me their opinions but surprisingly they were opposites.<o:p></o:p>
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For obvious reasons, I can’t give my name but if you want more details I can give you my email address. Thanks for your time.
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Thanks <o:p></o:p>
Jaya Sri Radhe<o:p></o:p>
Hare Krishna<o:p></o:p>
