There are surely others more qualified to respond than I, but I will share what I can. It's easy to worship a deity who is beautiful and corresponds to your beliefs, but reverence for a deity who is challenging to worship is what makes you grow spiritually. Consider all of the people who consider Kali to be ugly, violent, demonic, but worship her anyway. She is all of these things whether you like it or not, so the question is not how to change Kali to match your perspective, but how to change your perspective to incorporate all that she is. Remember that peace, fun, and high are all wonderful things, but difficulty, frustration, and pain are as well. I hope I have been helpful, and I encourage anyone to correct me.