Three years ago, something changed in me. For years I had been meditating and praying daily. Suddenly, I stopped. Furthermore, I lost all interest in openly associating myself with anything spiritual. I don't mean I stopped believing or stopped caring. It means I really do not want anyone to know what my spiritual practices are, or if I believe in anything. When I do talk about it, it feels as if I'm exposing a young, tender blossom to the rigors of a winter snow storm or if I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. I don't even think about my beliefs anymore, though they are still there and very strong. I don't know. I don't feel as if I'm in crisis, and I still feel a very quiet devotion. I just don't know how to describe this state. I feel this is something very good. But I am also very confused, because I'm not sure what it means, particularly the part about not wanting to talk about what I believe or practice. I don't feel fear of being persecuted or laughed at. I don't know. And perhaps that's the best way to describe where I am in spiritual terms. I don't know. I have no ideas of God or Buddha, no idea that I know the first thing about love or compassion. I don't feel sad. I just feel very quiet. I hope someone is out there who can unravel this puzzle for me.
Thank you
