Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krsna!
I don't know if this is a miracle as such, but it lasted as a strong impression in my mind, a mystical experience, that would not let me forget the Hare Krishna Movement.
I first saw devotees when I was 16 or 17 back around 1986. The next time I saw them was in San Diego Botanical Gardens near the Zoo. As you all know I am from Australia, it was 1992 and I was backpacking. I was searching everywhere to find God, but the heart. Deeply dis-satisfied with life, no idea who or what was God, no idea about what is this world....and no idea of who I was! But I left home with the intention to find out! With a copy of Jack Kerouac's 'On The Road' in my pack (I still have not read it).
I saw a band of devotees in this park playing bhajans with harmonium, mrdanga, and kartals. One two three...one two three... There must have been about 6 or 9 bramacaris. I was attracted immediately by their saffron cloth (my desire)... I was on my way to Thailand eventually to seek out buddhism. Secretly in my heart I was desiring to be a monk. Young, ego....keen to drop out...to tune in! To prove myself.
To prove myself to others also. I had no idea of the workings of the ego and my psychology at this time. I was a simple 22 yo...still a boy ) Little did I know that I would glimpse my mind...very very soon!!! )
I approached the 'band' of monks after they had finished their 'gig'
. There was a throng of a crowd around them, arguing with them as they attempted to sell books. But the monks did not argue back. I was impressed by their look, their calm....and that funny looking marking on their forehead ). 'What does that mean? Is that the third eye...are they psychic?'
I walked up to them amidst all the debating...and said 'Hi, I liked this music alot'.
LOL They smiled and began to pack up the bookstall. One monk asked me if I would like to come and stay with them. I was shy and said 'yep!!!'
So the next day I awoke in a strange place...so early...something was in the air! I was scared and excited...it felt exotic! A young man with tattoos would not get out of bed. An older man came into the bedroom and yelled at him, 'do you want to be Krsna conscious or not!!!'. Hmmm...I thought...don't know what to think about that!
The kirtan started...the devotees danced...as high as the roof it seemed. Who is that 'black statue', I thought. A black statue...maybe it is a demon, so I wondered....black? I was a catholic boy, and cautious.
The next day, after making a fool of myself in the kitchen the previous day, couldn't even chop a zuchinni properly...they put me in a shed eventually to wrap sesame bars that they sold. The poor customers....you should have seen the wrappings
.....the morning program started again!
I dont remember much of the mangala arati anymore. I remember the lecture, during it they put a pair of reading glasses on this statue of Srila Prabhupada. 'Hmmm....how odd', I thought quietly to myself. 'Very odd!!!'.
We began to dance like a snake around this plant called Tulasi. It seemed like for hours. Around and around we went. Around and around....everything seemed like it went for hours in that temple. Restless was my mind! Then all of a sudden as we were dancing around this Tulasi plant....it happened!!! A golden/white effulgence....like a glowing haze filled the room...I felt detached from my body...it felt odd...other wordly. Then all the orange monks turned smaller in stature....and their robes became a glowing white! At that moment I saw my mind for the first time ever in such a way...normally I was that mind. But now I saw it, I saw I was fallen....I cried uncontrollably and left the dance party. I sat on the edge of the temple and wept...and a weight lifted from my shoulders. I felt light and clear....and embarrased!
Later that day the temple president approached me and asked if I wanted to live with them. I did not tell him of my mystical experience! He told me his life story, and that he was from Germany, and that I could stay like him. I wanted to stay more than anything in the world. I wanted to be a monk. I still do want to wear saffron to this day....16 years later. I thought of my family (who still do not accept) and could not stay. They would be broken if I joined a 'cult' overseas never to come back.
Being a catholic boy and conditioned with impressions that catholicism was the only truth, I said to the temple president (thinking at that moment of my dad)...'I have heard you guys brain-wash people...do you?' He smiled and said, 'yes, we cleanse the mind, we wash it well'
I was stuck for words, wanted to stay, I liked the people, I liked him. But thought of my parents (who still do not see - they are in process of separating at the moment - 65 years old - very sad)...'I cannot stay...I have to go'. I thought of the world, of Europe...and of Asia and becoming that Buddhist monk. I left. With japa mala and the Hare Krsna Mahamantra!
I never forgot my short stay in that San Diego ashram/temple. The exotic air, the austerity, the mood....the mystical experience that I did not understand! Years later..
When life had broken me, a devotee approached me on the street and said, 'Hare Krsna'. I looked at that tilaka and thought....what does that mean? I replied, 'Haribol!'.
Anyhow dear devotees, here I am today. Alive and happy in KC. Was this a miracle...or just life. Or was it causeless mercy of Bhakti Devi...who needs no cause to appear in the heart. I know one thing today...
the causeless mercy residing in the heart of a pure devotee is why I wish to share my story with you all.
All glories to Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga!
All glories to the devotees who are like desire trees!
Simply...bija...aspiring to be a servant of the devotees, and not my fallen mind!
Was it a miracle...or just causless mercy that needs no cause? Bhakti Devi! -
05-07-2008, 03:14 AM
bija has the blues... -
07-10-2008, 06:27 AM
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