H.H. Bhakti Tirtha Swami has a rare and advanced stage of Melanoma skin cancer

[krsna 3]

Dear devotees and well-wishers,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!!!!

 

My name is Priti Pratima devi dasi and I would like to ask everyone to keep my beloved Guru Maharaja, H.H. Bhakti Tirtha Swami, in their thoughts and prayers. He has a rare and advanced stage of Melanoma skin cancer. We know that Krsna responds to the prayers and devotion of His servants, so please pray for the best outcome of this condition.

 

http://www.ifast.net/

 

Hare Krsna!

 

**********

 

1. Treat everyone you encounter as if the success of your spiritual life depends on the quality of your interactions with them.

 

2. Reflect upon the person you love the most and aspire to treat everyone with that same quality of love.

 

3. View all conflicts as your own fault first. See conflicts as a chance for growth, to clarify perceptions and to create synergy.

 

4. Realize that the people in your present environment may very well be the people with whom you will live out your life and who will be with you at the time of death.

 

- H.H. Bhakti Tirtha Swami

[gopidust 0]

Please Krishna please cure this devotee. We cannot spare any more! We have lost Sridhar Swami, Tamal Krishna Goswami, how many more will you take from us? How will the conditioned souls be saved without such great souls to preach to them? Certainly not by such useless persons as myself who have done little or no service! What will become of our society? Please send many more devotees to take their place.

[krsna 3]

posted August 17, 2004

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

I spoke this morning with HH BT Swami, and I have some unfortunate news from him. He discovered yesterday that he has Melanoma cancer. His tumor was very large, larger than they expected. The doctor suspected cancer, and then they confirmed it, and gave him the news yesterday. The doctor suspects that it has spread to other parts of his body. The cancer seems to be at an advanced stage. By material standards, they would give him a less than 50% chance of survival, even as low as 17-19%. But by Krsna's grace he can recover.

 

He is undergoing tests today, to see if indeed it has spread to other areas. He said that he has felt some gurgling sensation in his lungs, and some pain in his groin area, which are typical areas attacked by this cancer. We should know by tomorrow. Based on that information, he will decide what to do next. It is unusual that melanoma attacks black-bodied persons.

 

He feels a bit discouraged that his main means of association and interchange with vaisnavas, which is dancing, will most probably be permanently affected.

 

I told him that all of us will be praying for his recovery, and he asked me to post this on the GBC conference. Since he has made put much emphasis on prayer in his lectures and writings, we should all prayer ardently for his quick recovery.

 

Your servant,

 

Guru Prasad Swami

 

_________________________

 

Haribol everyone,

 

Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja gave a darshan this morning at the preaching center in Silver Spring, Maryland. I was scheduled to work today, so I went over intending to stay for a little while then go off to my job. I got there in the middle of guru-puja and it was too much to leave. Too important to step away from. After guru-puja, we assembled in his room upstairs. It was tight, maybe 40 devotees sitting and standing close together. About 15 more arrived over the course of the morning.

 

He started with singing Jaya Radha Madhava. Many of us were crying. Next, he gave us the medical rundown. The melanoma cancer is in stage 4, which is pretty high. The test results were given to another doctor and she said it was at the very least stage 4. The chance for survival is 7-19% at this level, this intensity. He's known about the tumor for about 20 years. They decided not to operate at that time because he would've lost most of the function of the left foot. Ten years ago there was a biopsy. Results said it was benign.

 

In Mayapur this spring, he started to feel some pain. Then swelling, more pain. He couldn't attend Detroit Rathayatra as a result. He sat on Jagannatha's cart for Gita Nagari Rathayatra. Normally he's the dancing dervish, as some of you well know. He then shared some themes from his 2004 Vyasa Puja offering to Srila Prabhupada. He saw so much suffering in the secular world and in ISKCON; broken marriages, abused children, devotees losing faith, leaders not being accountable, etc.

 

So he prayed to be an instrument for Krsna and Srila Prabhupada, to take on the suffering of others so they could be more purified, take on whatever is necessary to make a change in the society.

 

He emphasized how it's up to Krsna and Prabhupada. How he wants to be an instrument for change however that may take shape. He said "How can I continue living so well, travelling, taken care of in each place I visit, giving classes and seminars, etc, when we have devotees on welfare, who are losing faith, when some of our children leave and are upset and hurting, .... if I can lessen their pain so they can grow, let me take it."

 

He shared how he doesn't want the devotees to pray for him to stay, he wants them to pray to Krsna and Prabhupada to allow him to serve in the best possible way, be it leaving, staying, whatever. He smiled and laughed a few times, in that particular way of his, with his shoulders shaking a little and his head back.

 

Then came questions. This is a summary of a few questions. "Can you direct us (his disciples) where to go for siksa when you go, whenever that may occur?"

 

Reply: "That's a highly individual thing. There are many who are qualified; maybe an older godbrother, godsister, anyone. Better if you can receive guidance and help from many sources. Krsna can come in so many ways. It's not just you and your guru."

 

"How can we balance between the urgent necessity of practicing KC day to day and also dealing with everything else; job, family, business of living, etc.?"

 

Reply: "The two are not separate. We can adopt the mood of the paramour, who takes great care to make everything alright and nice with the husband but who also loves and cares for her beloved. Otherwise we can become schizophrenic, split. Take care of both."

 

In relation to this question, I've heard him say in the past that we need to take care of it all otherwise it's a problem. For example, make laxmi so you don't have to worry about laxmi. He was optimistic, with both a somber demeanor and then smiling and laughing a few times.

 

We are trying to get a transcription to share. Perhaps an audio weblink too.

 

your servant,

 

Gaura Vani dasi

[Guest guest]

Bhakti Tirtha Swami Critically Sick

Posted August 17, 2004

 

From a letter by Bhakti Caru Swami, written to the GBC, now being circulated

 

I did not phone Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj yesterday, thinking that I would rather wait until he gets the pathologist's report. However, in the evening, I received a phone call from one of Maharaj's disciples, Citi-sakti devi dasi, who is a doctor herself. In a voice choked with emotion, she informed me that she just learned from one of her Godsisters in Washington that Maharaj's report says that his cancer is on level four plus. I did not know what that count meant, but I could understand that it must be quite ominous.

 

I immediately phoned Washington. Once again, I admired how wonderfully Maharaj has trained up his disciples. I know how a disciple generally feels at a time like this, naturally wanting his spiritual master to take rest without disturbance, but as soon the Mataji who answered the phone realized that I was on the line, she immediately informed Maharaj.

 

Maharaj was as jovial as ever. From his voice, one could never imagine that he is in such a critical health condition. He informed me that the report from the hospital was bad. He decided to take a second opinion and had a CAT scan. That report was even worse. However, he is taking everything in stride. He feels a profound serenity deep within himself. That morning, he gave class to about one hundred devotees. He mentioned that he read out my posting to the GBC conference, and they appreciated it very much.

 

He started to tell me how fast everything is moving for him at this stage. He prayed for purification, but never did he imagine that it would happen in such a way. Some devotees told him to take back his prayer. However, he replied, "No, let it come the way Krsna wants."

 

He started to describe the critical condition of our movement. He told me about the book that Madhusudani Radha and her husband printed, consisting of writings by about fifteen scholarly persons with knowledge of Sanskrit (who at some point in time were involved with ISKCON). Although most were favorable to ISKCON, some of them proposed that Srila Prabhupada deviated from our previous acaryas and pursued his own ideas to serve his purpose, diminished the position of a woman, displayed a racist attitude, and in order to establish himself, over-emphasized the status of a guru.

 

Maharaj continued, "So many people are becoming attracted to Narayana Maharaj. That shows that they are getting something from him that they are not getting in ISKCON. Why don't we create a loving and caring atmosphere? Then no one will want to go away. We are leading the movement rather mechanically, somehow managing to just maintain. We are not really putting our hearts into it.

 

"I used to organize myself on a half-hour basis. But now, I am practically immobile. Even to go to the bathroom, I have to limp with my crutches. In this situation, I could become angry with Srila Prabhupada that 'Why did you put me in a situation like this? All my programs were set: so many lecture tours, seminars, workshops. The plane tickets were already purchased. Then all of a sudden!' But I am prepared to accept whatever Krsna wants. If he wants me to serve elsewhere, I am ready to go there."

 

Thanks and appreciation from dipika.org to our sponsor and host,

 

 

Maharaj emphasized that the sufferings of so many devotees had become too much for him to bear. He was praying very intensely to Srila Prabhupada that he wants to become purified, become a better disciple, and help those who are struggling, at any cost.

 

We spoke for more than half an hour. I just wanted to share some of the wonderfully enlightening points that Maharaj shared with me. I found them to be extremely revealing. I am sure you will also feel the same. Moreover, it shows what a wonderful devotee Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj is. We can learn so much from his extremely advanced example.

 

He ended the conversation by saying, "I love you very much." I know that he will express the same love and care to all of you, also.

 

© dipika.org August 17, 2004

[gopidust 0]

I just went to dipika.org and clicked on the thing about Tamal Krishna Goswami. He was such a nice devotee! I offer my obeisances to him and beg his forgiveness for all of my offenses. I also offer my obeisances to H H Bhaktitirtha Swami and beg his forgiveness too, with tears in my eyes.

[krsna 3]

Bhakti-tirtha Swami has advanced melanoma cancer

Posted August 17, 2004

 

The following is a letter sent out by Bhakti Caru Swami to concerned devotees over the internet. It has been posted on several e-forums and read at disciple gatherings:

 

Yesterday afternoon, after learning about Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj's diagnosis, I phoned him at the phone number that Romapada Maharaj very kindly provided. Although I was feeling very emotional, Maharaj greeted me in such a hearty way that the heaviness of my heart was immediately dissipated. I had an extremely enlivening and uplifting discussion with Maharaj for about half an hour.

 

Maharaj felt an overwhelming concern about the state of affairs in ISKCON. There are so many difficulties in our movement. So many devotees are losing faith in Krishna Consciousness, so many children have been abused, so many marriages are breaking up. There is so much suffering. He wished that he could do something to help our movement overcome these crises, and he felt the most effective way to do so is by purifying himself. He considered that in ISKCON, he has gotten everything. He is traveling, preaching, attending seminars, meeting very important people. In this way, he felt that he is enjoying his situation as a leader of ISKCON. He prayed to Srila Prabhupada that this is not what he should really want; what he really wanted is purification. He asked Srila Prabhupada to help him become purified.

 

Maharaj considers that this is actually his purification. He feels that his only goal now, as it has always been, is that whatever Srila Prabhupada desires, whatever Krishna desires, let that be. He prays to them that in whatever situation he is, he can take that opportunity to preach Krishna Consciousness and become a better devotee.

 

Maharaj is certainly one of the most wonderful, exemplary devotees in our movement. I remember, when Srila Prabhupada was in Vrindavan during his final pastimes, many devotees would write to His Divine Grace, but Prabhupada was most interested in hearing the letters about book distribution. Among the letters describing book distribution, I very vividly recall that Prabhupada was very eager to receive letters from Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj describing how he was distributing books behind the Iron Curtain.

 

In one of his letters, Maharaj narrated that he was in a university when he sensed that somebody was following him. Obviously, there were many spies in the Communist countries in those days. In order to escape, he opened a door and walked into the room. It happened to be an office, and the gentleman sitting inside turned out to be a professor in the university. Maharaj pretended as if he had come to see him. They started to talk, and not only did Maharaj escape from the spy, but he sold the professor a set of books! He would write about so many such exciting experiences.

 

Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj is not an ordinary soul. He is a very, very special personality. Although it pains us to see him in this condition, one thing is certain: Krishna uses His devotees for His own special purpose. In course of doing so, He rewards them most wonderfully. Obviously Krishna will reward someone who so sincerely wants to become purified. Krishna must have a wonderful plan for Maharaj, and in due course, it will be revealed to us.

 

Maharaj said that he does not mind if he has to leave because he feels that wherever he goes, Krishna will allow him to serve Him, but I expressed that he has to stay on because our movement needs him. A vaisnava like him purifies just by his darshan, what to speak of getting his wonderful association.

 

I pray to Srila Prabhupada that he takes care of his very dear son.

 

[Guest guest]

BTS Update

From Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Posted August 22, 2004

 

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All Glories to ISKCON Founder Acarya Srila Prabhupada.

 

Yesterday after a team of doctors reviewed all of my test results, the spokesperson informed me of the need for immediate amputation, chemotherapy, radiation, etc. He also stated that there is a need for another biopsy operation to take out some of the lymph nodes that seem to be also diseased by cancer. They could give no guarantees of the results of the treatment.

 

I asked if I did not follow through on their plan or did nothing, how long I could expect to live. The doctor's reply was six months. In my mind I thought that is a long time. Many things can happen in six months. Either I have all of this time to prepare for death or sufficient time to do all that is necessary, physically and spiritually, to turn this whole thing around and come out of it more improved physically and spiritually. It seems that my life has always been about extremes.

 

Presently I am being considered by NIH to see if I qualify for a very special treatment with some of the best doctors in the USA in the field. We have also begun to limit our choices to special cancer treatment centers in Mexico, Arizona, New York, Atlanta, and India. Once I know exactly where I will go to be treated for some months, I will update all of you.

 

Thanks and appreciation from dipika.org to our sponsor and host,

 

 

I have a staff of devotee doctors and aides who will be assisting me in making the decisions. I feel all of your prayers will guide us in making the best decisions, which will allow whatever Srila Prabhupada and Krsna want to manifest. For now all I can say is that something extremely supernatural or super extraordinary is going on here.

 

I do not know what the conclusion will be, but I want to be around to see what it is. Ooops! I guess I will definitely be around since it is happening to me, whatever it is. Most definitely it is bigger than I am. I am definitely changing bodies. The question is, "Will I be changing both the physical and mental body?"

 

I feel Srila Prabhupada himself will make the decision.

 

Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada,

 

With Love,

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

 

© dipika.org August 22, 2004

 

[krsna 3]

A Letter to the Members of the GBC by HH Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja

Sat Aug 21, 2004 11:42 am

 

 

 

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

 

First let me beg forgiveness for my constant arrogance. Actually, this is the way I cover up so many of my faults. When there is no arrogance in my behavior or letters then you should know, for sure, I am leaving the body. (Smile)

 

Yesterday, a Godbrother called me. As he spoke he was in tears. He had consulted a reputable devotee astrologer who told him he saw sudden death for me in my astrological chart. He shared that he had placed my picture between his two Silas to offer daily prayers. We both agreed, however, that the "Krsna factor" could maintain or change any situation.

 

A short time later, I read my e-mails and saw that several devotees had written, sharing how they came so close to death and somehow pulled out of it. I was in awe at the near-death experiences of so many devotees and how so many have such intense faith and devotion. What a wonderful spiritual family we have!

 

Today, I spent the morning and evening taking different tests inside of machines. Physicians at the Washington Cancer Center want to look closer at what areas of the body have or have not been affected. During the two hours I spent in the MRI machine I again had such a wonderful meditation. I saw myself being in Mayapur at the GBC meeting and I meditated on each of you, your dedication to Srila Prabhupada, the attacks and challenges each of you encounter, the amazing sacrifices each of you make almost daily, how year after year each of you go on in spite of the confusion, problems, disappointments, sickness, etc. What can I say? By the time I went around the GBC table (in my mind) I was somewhat intoxicated with appreciation and gratitude to have your association. All of you are so empowered.

 

Two years ago I did this during one of the meetings. I did not want to come to the meetings, so from the first day to the last, I meditated on something special each of you offer to ISKCON. I felt great satisfaction and happiness all during the meetings, especially since I am one of those who do not like meetings that are over one hour long.

 

Today I found out some devotees are setting up a fund for my medical expenses. Maybe I will get sufficient donations to pay off my Turley case assessments in full. Krsna is so full of tricks and does many things at the same time. (Smile)

 

I see the surgeon on Thursday, and he will surely recommend amputation, chemotherapy, and a host of other such things. By next week I will inform you of my plan, perhaps where I will go and what I will do. If you want to make Krsna laugh, just tell Him your plans. (Smile)

 

Yours in Srila Prabhupada's service,

 

With love,

 

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

[krsna 3]

A Letter from HH Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja

 

My heartfelt feelings for Maharaja impelled me to send him an email. I mentioned our service to Srila Prabhupada together on the BBT Library Party in the mid-1970s. I asked him to kindly advise me from his state of heightened realization in Krsna consciousness. This is his well-wishing reply to me.

 

Dear Suhotra Swami,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

How wonderful it was to receive your letter. I really like your example of how we were side by side in the womb in our service to Srila Prabhupada. This really shows how much we are spiritual brothers in a very awesome way. So many of these early experiences have created what we presently are. And so many of these early experiences have given us realizations as well as many wounds and scars, but ultimately all of these are opportunities for growth.

 

First let me apologise for much of my association in those earlier days or during those times. I was so karmakandic, self centered and self righteous. Somehow you seemed to tolerate me most of the time. I feel more thankful, that through all of these years (even though we did not have so much physical association) that you continued to see me as a friend. It was something special recently serving with you on the GBC executive board. It was also special, when you were elected as chairman; and you came around to most of the leaders in such a humble way asking for their blessings and support. Also the short conversation we had at the airport where you informed me that you have been having many great challenges with depression that I could realise even more how sensitive and yes how serious a devotee you are.

 

I know by now you have analysed your depression in so many ways but I am sure that a major part of your depression is due to how sensitive you are. You are super-intelligent and super sensitive. This is your blessing and your curse. One of the suggestions that I would offer is to see your depression as a blessing. In one sense it is the other side of spiritual ecstacy. When one is really depressed, one is so fully absorbed in the depths of emptiness. This is the extreme intensity of mental culture but it is this extreme intensity of mental culture that is necessary to dive deeper to connecting more internally with Krsna. So you may want to accept a little more that you have been blessed with great intellectual and mental intensity which both can be fantastic assets in connecting deeper with Krsna.

 

Those of us who understand or have experience with very deep depression can have empathy and compassion for others suffering, far greater than what most people can understand. As preachers we have a duty to reach out, especially to facilitate and educate and uplift, while we help others to minimize their own sufferings. So just like you said in the ending of your letter (“so what can I say” – go for it!). Use all this intensity to connect more internally with so many great beings that are ready to connect with you. And of course use this intensity so that you can connect more with those physically around you who you can help. Krsna and Srila Prabhupada have no favorites. There is a tremendous great need now in the world as well as in our institution. So let us make ourselves available to fulfill that need. Or let us try our best to make ourselves available to fulfill that need.

 

Yours in the service to Srila Prabhupada.

 

With Love

 

Bhakti-Tirtha Swami

 

[krsna 3]

http://www.iskcon.com/new/040823_bts.htm

[krsna 3]

Bhakti Tirtha Swami Update

Posted September 10, 2004

 

Hare Krishna, devotees,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

 

Thank you for all the well-wishing emails sent by concerned devotees regarding our Guru Maharaja's health condition. I have been asked by many of you to keep you updated on what is going on, so here is an update.

 

Bhakti Tirtha Swami is currently in Mexico, receiving treatment for his condition. I am pasting below a letter where he talks about what is happening. Please continue to send him your love and prayers,

 

Your servant,

Narayani devi dasi

 

Dear Maharaja´s and Prabhus,

 

Please accept my most humble obeisances. All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada.

 

We are now in Mexico, at a wonderful health clinic, where there are many special protocols for addressing cancer and other chronic illnesses. Most important is that the caretakers are endowed with higher consciousness and are quite knowledgeable of both allopatic and alternative technologies.

 

After receiving so many letters from all over the world in the last week, I decided to go all the way to try to facilitate the eradication of the cancer.

 

My last health visit before I left the USA was at the National Institute of Health [NIH] and at a major cancer center in Maryland. NIH informed me that if the cancer spreads in the entire body, then there will only be a five-percent chance of survival. What did they offer me? Simply to use me for experimentation, which would have all types of heavy side effects.

 

The other center in Maryland offered three operations, in addition to chemotherapy, radiation, and possible amputation.

 

 

 

My earlier thoughts were that I would simply go to Mayapur— chant and simply fast until I left the body. However, it seems that some of you sensed that I was too prepared to leave. Therefore, because of your letters, phone calls, and prayers from all over the world, I have decided to pursue a course of aggressively addressing the cancer from a holistic platform.

 

Whether I am allowed to stay or leave is dependent on Srila Prabhupada and Krsna.

 

The treatments are extremely demanding, as they go from morning to night. However, at the same time I have so much time to go more internal.

 

I will not be accessible for about one month in order to assist with the initial healing process. I must have a simple and focused life, i.e. sannyasa life. (smile)

 

Previously, we were receiving phone calls almost every 15 minutes and hundreds of emails every day. I personally loved it. However my caretakers have convinced me that it is presently not conducive for the healing process. Once or twice a week I may be able to sneak out one email, but please don't be alarmed if I am unable to respond to your letters.

 

The treatments started on Lord Balarama's Appearance Day. This was most auspicious, as Lord Balarama is expert in removing obstacles.

 

Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada,

 

With Love,

BTSwami

 

—Jaya Radhe!

 

"The Krishna consciousness movement will inundate the entire world and drown everyone, whether one be a gentleman, a rogue or even lame, invalid or blind."— Sri Caitanya Caritamrta, Adi Lila 7.26

[Guest guest]

Dearest Godfamily, Friends and well wishers,

 

Please accept our most humble obeisances

All glories to our beloved Gurumaharaja

All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada

 

I pray this letter finds all of you blissful in your services to Guru and

Krsna.

I received a few letters from some devotees describing Sri Janmastami and

Srila Prabhupada Maha Vyasa puja celebrations. It sounded so ecstatic.

Thanks so much to all of you who shared the nectar.

Our Janmastami was quiet, however we had the most auspicious surprize that

day, a devotee couple who lives a few hours from the clinic, had called me

and asked to see Gurumaharaja and us, he agreed. They also asked if we

needed anything, we gave a small list. Well they arrived in the early

afternoon with a big bag of goodies from the health food store and to our

surprize, the most beautiful forms of ¨Lord Nrsinghadeva and Sri Laxmi

Devi¨, for the rest of the day the Lord and His consort gave darshan to all

the people in the clinic. That day and the next we had lots of questions.

Gurudeva spent at least three hours sharing and preaching to these most

fortunate devotees. They left the clinic for the program in San Diego in

bliss, they both shared that this was their best Janmastami ever.

Oh!! they took many pictures which he just sent yesterday to my email

address, if anyone knows how I can forward these to the BTSwami group

please let me know what to do.

We spent Srila Prabhupada's vyasa puja reading all the offerings in the

book, Ekavira and I took turns reading to Gurudeva during his treatments.

He shared with us that we can understand the direction our movement is

taking by reading the letters of the leaders and taking note of their mood

in their writings. He really loved hearing all the different letters, and

he liked especially appreciated the profesionalism of how the book was laid

out.

On Wednesday evening, the clinic hosted a group of about 50 people that

came from a yearly cancer conference held in Los Angeles. The tour of all

the different clinics were arranged as a part of the conference.

Gurumaharaja's doctor had made a presentation at the conference. Anyway,

another special surprise, Gurudeva's doctor asked him to speak to the group

after he made his presentation. I must explain this scene to you--- the

doctor started his presentation by intoducing the spiritual aspect of

addressing diseases, he introduced Gurudeva's Spiritual warrior books 4 and

5 and then addressed Gurudeva as the Swami who is the Spiritual director of

the Clinic. When Gurudeva's time came to speak , he hopped up to the front

of the room in his orange Tshirt and kakhi shorts[easier to receive his

foot theraphy] and immeadiately captured the audience with a vibrant 15

min. talk on addressing cancer by addressing the mind. Of course you know

he gave so much in that 15mins. At the end the audience clapped profusely

and as the people were leaving they kept thanking all of us, and many

shared that this was the best of all the clinics they had visited for the

day. Actually, the clinic where we are was the last on the list for them

to visit, which by the time they got to us it was already 7:00pm.

As long as I have been serving Gurumaharaja, I am sometimes still amazed at

his sponteniety and his desire to please Srila Prabhupada by shareing KC in

any situation. Ekavira and I are praying to one day develop such intense

desire to serve the spiritual master under any circumstances.

Today was somewhat quiet, but we know that Krsna always arranges

opportunities for Gurumaharaja to serve, so we are waiting to see the next

preaching arrangement.

Guurdeva's tumor on his foot has shrunk by 3cm lengthwise, the height is

1.5cm smaller, however the doctors are all positively affirming that

the treatments are doing what it is supposed to do--kill the cancer cells.

Okay, prabhus, we are so grateful to be able to share what is happening

with Gurumaharaja with all of you.

 

WIth all our love

Ekavira and Vrajalila

 

 

[krsna 3]

My Personal Update

From Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Posted September 28, 2004

 

Dear Maharaja and Prabhus,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada.

 

My personal update.

 

I have completed my first few weeks of intensive treatments in Mexico. They went from 8:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. Eight hours each day I was on IV, which administers different solutions through a catheter, which was inserted into my chest.

 

In about 10 days I will have some tests to have an evaluation about the cancer. Earlier, it had spread to other parts of the body, but hopefully we have now stopped it from advancing and gradually it will be eliminated.

 

HH Siva Ram Swami said to me, on the telephone, that my situation is like a soap opera. I will say it is more like a roller coaster. (Smile)

 

Everyday I am trying to access gratitude, however some days it is more difficult than others. The daily uncertainty, whether I will stay or leave, is quite an experience, and on the days when the medicine and treatments bring on their own side effects it can be overwhelming.

 

When I think of how all of you continue in service to Srila Prabhupada despite so many setbacks and challenges, I get renewed strength and determination to rejoin you at some point in the near future.

 

I am sure there is a divine arrangement for what I am going through, and one way or another it will end auspiciously, all because of the prayers and blessings of all of the Vaisnavas.

 

You have all read my Vyasa Puja offering, so you have a better idea of my present mindset. This meditation #35 from my Beggar 1 book is also informative about my mood.

 

If you do not have time to read it, it is understandable.

 

Thanks and appreciation from dipika.org to our sponsor and host,

 

 

Yours in service to Srila Prabupada,

 

With love,

BT Swami

 

I must be ready to make any sacrifice.

 

Dear Lord Syama, there is nothing too difficult to tolerate when it comes to getting Your direct association. The more You hide Yourself, the more ecstasy there will be when we finally meet.

 

Dear Lord, being away from You and Your servants is unbearable. The only way I am able to sustain my life is in anticipation of that glorious reunion. I know that once I meet You and Your servants, I will immediately forget the suffering and confusion I have experienced for millions of lifetimes.

 

Dear Lord Syama, I became a madman thinking about Your association and selfless love. When I reflect on how long lust has kept me imprisoned, I want to immediately give up this body. It is my desire for these bodies that has kept me away from You. Knowing this, how can I remain in one for another day?

 

Dear Lord Syama, now that I am being reminded about You, I see how irrelevant mundane scholarship is.

 

Dear Lord Syama, when I think about wealth, I think of the chore of monitoring one's assets. When I am sleeping, unless I can dream of You, I might as well be dead. Any action that does not center itself on You is a waste of time.

 

Of friendship? Anyone who cannot direct me toYou is not a true friend. When I think of fame, I think how burdensome it is to attract any attention that doesn't focus itself on Your glories.

 

Conversation that does not deal with the exchanges between You and your servants is like a loud noise ringing in my ears. Reading anything that cannot be used for Your service is a waste of time.

 

My Dear Lord Syama, afraid of facing another night void of Your association, I try to stretch each day, thinking, "Before This day is over, I will see the lotus feet of the Lord."

 

Now waking and sleeping are the same, as I am never at rest, for I must search You out, wherever You may be.

 

My Dear Lord Syama, I will be so persistent in looking for You that Lord Brahma will say, "This soul is more bewildered than I was before I heard the word tapah. Please, Lord, give him Your mercy."

 

My dear Lord Syama, I will work so hard to see You that Hanuman will shed tears, and coming to You he will beg You, saying, "Please have mercy on this soul."

 

My dear Lord Syama, I will study so intensely to understand Your workings that Goddess Saraswati will have difficulty supplying the necessary knowledge. As she tries, she will call out, "Lord, have mercy on this poor soul."

 

My dear Lord Syama, I will pass so many tests, pushing Maya's challenges far away one after another and screaming out for You, that Indra will personally intervene, asking that I be given no more tests. He will plead, "Lord, has mercy on this soul."

 

My dear Lord, my fixed determination in getting Your association will cause Kapila to discuss such pastimes with His mother. It will cause Sukadeva to pause for a moment in his conversation with Maharaja Pariksit, and say: "Lord, have mercy on this poor wretched soul."

 

My dear Lord Syama, Rupa Gosvami himself will be so embarrassed to see a fool such as I, devoid of all qualifications, trying to be a renunciate in this hellish age of Kali.

 

Seeing that impossible situation, he will plead my case, saying, "Lord, have mercy on this poor soul."

 

My Dear Lord Syama, I will even attract the attention of Prahlada. He will say, "This man has such a low birth, is extremely crude, and has no attraction for the process. He is offensive to the devotees, envious of the sadhus, and does not relish bhajans or kirtans. He has no attraction for the Holy Name, is full of doubts and lust, and is even thinking that he will get direct mercy from the Lord. Oh! Lord! Have pity on this poor soul, for without Your causeless mercy, there is no hope for such a worthless case."

 

My dear Lord Syama, without aid from Your servants, without a glance of concern from Your devotees, Your sweet association is impossible. There is nothing that can fully qualify us for Your direct attention. Therefore, I stand ready to do whatever is necessary, although I cannot do anything.

 

I am so pitiful that only if such glorious personalities petition You on my behalf can all my great sins be forgiven. I have no qualifications of my own. All I can do is pray to somehow or other attract one of Your pure servants to plead for me.

 

I am the beggar that has no hope for Your association, but cannot live another day without it.

 

© dipika.org September 28, 2004

 

[Guest guest]

Everything is Extremely Ambiguous

A letter from

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Posted Nov. 21, 2004

 

Dear Bhakti Charu Maharaja,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time out from your busy schedule to write the foreword to my book, Reflections on Sacred Teachings 5, which elaborates on the 64 principles given by Bhaktisiddhanta Maharaja for once again establishing spiritual institutions.

 

It is another way of my getting your association. I have been thinking about you a lot lately, as I am going through this health crisis.

 

At the present time everything is extremely ambiguous. Just to summarize: The last ten days, I have been in the emergency hospital twice, been admitted in the hospital twice. I have had infections that subjected me to three operations. Presently the tumor seems to be growing, because during the crisis, I was unable to undergo my regular cancer treatments for almost two weeks. It appears that either I am not to heal from this or it is necessary for me to endure this for a longer time.

 

Thanks and appreciation from dipika.org to our sponsor and host,

 

 

There are about five different treatments that are really important for my cancer care on a daily basis. I was unable to have any of these treatments administered because the doctor was trying to get me stabilized from the convulsions and infections. Now I am back on my regular routine.

 

Next Wednesday I will take another evaluation to see if my condition has gotten worse. Presently, most signs seem to suggest that I have. If so, most likely, I will be making my way to Mayapura, perhaps with a stop at the Bhaktivedanta Hospital to prepare for leaving.

 

Of course, there may still be a chance this can be turned around. Some days I feel this is too much and almost feel like asking Srila Prabhupada to take me out of this body, but at the same time, I simply want to experience whatever will be best in Srila Prabhupada's service.

 

Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada,

 

With love,

B.T. Swami

 

[Guest guest]

to get all the latest updates on HH Bhakti-Tirtha Swami's condition please see www.btswami.com/health.html