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In tears upon completing the book ,"Mathura meets Vrindavan"

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I recently read a copy of "Mathura Meets Vrindavan". I would like to thank you from the core of my heart for this wonderful production of Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja's teachings. I found it quite fitting to see myself in tears upon completing the book. I am not so advanced to have experienced any feelings of separation from Krishna. Nonetheless, when I read the biography of Srila Gaura Govinda Maharaja, which came at the end, I could not restrain myself when I came to his tirobhava lila. I got a glimpse of what it means to feel separation. It is hard to comprehend what those who had so much of his personal association must be feeling. Your work is a fitting example of service in separation. May Lord Krishna bless you in these endeavors.

 

-- Niranjana Swami

 

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Chapter Twelve

 

Uddhava Meets

Nanda Maharaja

 

 

 

Uddhava told Nanda, “Nothing can be said to exist independent of Lord Achyuta — nothing heard or seen, nothing in the past, present or future, nothing moving or unmoving, great or small. He indeed is everything, for He is the Supreme Soul.”

 

By saying all of these things Uddhava painted a nice picture of krsna-tattva and held it before Nanda Maharaja.

 

Nanda’s Blindness

 

However, Uddhava doesn’t know that Nanda Maharaja is blind. What sort of blind man is he? krsna-premandha, blind in krsna-prema. Everyone in this material world is blind for material enjoyment, bhogandha. But Nanda Maharaja is krsna-premandha. So although Uddhava painted a nice picture of krsna-tattva and held it before Nanda Maharaja, because Nanda Maharaja is blind he could not see it. Here in this world we see all objects by the help of sunshine. We cannot see in deep darkness. Sastra and jnana are like sunshine. In that sunshine everything is clear. All truth is revealed. At that time bhrama, the tendency to commit mistakes, and pramada, the tendency to be illusioned, are dispelled like darkness. Nanda Maharaja is crying for Krishna. Uddhava knows that one cries because of delusion, moha. “Oh, my son has gone away.” Everyone in this world cries due to delusion. Delusion comes because of ignorance. If someone gets tattva-jnana then their delusion is dispelled. When ignorance is dispelled, delusion is gone, and then you will never cry again. Uddhava tried to present the sunlight of sastra-jnana before Nanda Maharaja. Uddhava is a jnana-sadhaka, jnani-bhakta. He is the embodiment of sastra. He knew very well that with the help of jnanaloka, the enlightenment of jnana, one can see the real truth. But there are some things that are only visible in the darkness. Only when the sun sets and darkness comes are the innumerable stars visible. If someone has made a lifelong vow to only look at the polestar with unblinking eyes, then the sunshine will be a great obstruction. It will be detrimental for upholding his vow. This is not an easy thing to understand. This message is revealed in every page of Srimad Bhagavatam.

 

“Krishna is my son.” Goparaj, Nanda Maharaja, is always looking with unblinking eyes in the northern direction to the polestar in the form of krsna-rupi dhruva-naksatra — the polestar in the form of Krishna. So for him sastra-jnana, the enlightenment of sastra, sastra-surya, the sunlight of sastra, is an obstruction. Uddhava is a sastra-sadhaka, a strict follower of the rules and regulations of sastra, whatever he says before Nanda Maharaja about sastra-jnana and krsna-tattva is very, very difficult for Nanda Maharaja to understand. For Nanda Maharaja it is avantara-katha — irrelevant talk.

 

Nanda Maharaja’s abhimana is, “I am the father of Krishna.” This is the inner feeling in the heart of Nanda Maharaja. Where is the scope for any other thought to enter into the heart of Nanda Maharaja?

 

“You are a Boy, Uddhava”

 

Uddhava gave a very long speech on krsna-tattva. Uddhava is the embodiment of sastra, and that speech was anavadya, faultless, but it was not understandable for Nanda Maharaja. Hearing all this tattva-katha, Nanda Maharaja said, “Uddhava, in age you are a boy. In my heart I had some faith you were very old in intelligence. But now I see you are not only a boy in age, but in intelligence you are also a boy. You spoke so many things, but you don’t know who you are speaking to. You told my wife and I that we are very, very bhagyavan, fortunate. If you have any intelligence how can you utter this with your mouth? We are the most unfortunate persons in this world! One who loses his son is unfortunate. But one who loses a son like Krishna is most unfortunate! Most unfortunate! Most unfortunate! We are most unfortunate and you tell us we are very, very fortunate! You have no intelligence what to speak to whom. Many people get a son, but does anyone get a son like Krishna? In the past has anyone gotten a son like Krishna? In the future will anyone get a son like Krishna? Has anyone gotten a son who is so beautiful, so sweet, with such a smile, who is so loving, and so fickle? Has anyone gotten a son who plays such nice flute and has such loving words? In the whole universe, is there or will there ever be someone who has lost such an invaluable treasure? You are telling those who are crying due to having lost such an invaluable treasure, “You are very fortunate.” You are ridiculing us, Uddhava. If you had said that there is no one in the world as unfortunate as us, then I would have been very pleased and happy with you. Then my distress due to this fire of separation would have been extinguished to some extent. But you have made this fire more ablaze by telling us we are most fortunate.

 

“Krishna is Not God”

 

“Oh Uddhava, you have discussed bhagavata-tattva before me. I don’t know sastra, but I have heard from sadhus and I have this faith that there is one Bhagavan and He is the guru and controller of the universe. He is the mula-karana, the original cause of purusa and prakrti, the living entities and material nature. He is anadi, beginningless. That Bhagavan is sarvesvara, the supreme controller. I know that Bhagavan is Narayan. He is present in our house in the form of salagrama. Uddhava, because you are a mere boy you have said that Narayan is our Gopal Krishna. I excuse you. I have not read sastra, but I have heard from the mouths of mahatmas that Narayan is God, the Supreme Lord. I know to some extent what symptoms are there in Narayan. But those symptoms are not even a single drop with Krishna. How can you say my Gopal Krishna is Narayan? I excuse you because you are a boy. You don’t know what you speak. You have said that Narayan is the cause of all causes, the cause of the whole universe. But my Krishna is a simple, milk-fed child. Narayan is pure. Narayan is peaceful, Narayan is apapa-vidha, sinless. But my Krishna is very fickle, greedy, and angry. Where is the symptom of Narayan in Krishna? Narayan is pure and free from contamination, suddha-sattva-guna-maya. My Krishna is a thief and a liar, abhimani. Narayan is the shelter of the whole world, but my Krishna is dependent on us. Where is the symptom of Narayan in my Krishna? Uddhava, what shall I say? There is no sadrsya, similarity of Narayan to my son Gopal. Narayan is satya-sankalpa, truthful, but my Krishna is very expert in speaking lies. I have heard that Narayan is apta-kama, self-satisfied. He never needs anything. He is beyond hunger and thirst. But I have seen with my own eyes how my Gopal Krishna cries when He becomes hungry. He becomes restless when He is hungry and thirsty. Uddhava, Narayan is worshipable by everyone, but I have seen my Gopal carrying my wooden sandals on His head. Where is the similarity with Narayan? I may commit a mistake, but Bhagavan never commits a mistake. If Krishna is Bhagavan, how can He commit a mistake? If Krishna is Bhagavan, why will He call us baba and ma, father and mother? You say He has no baba, and ma. Krishna is always dependent on us. He feels completely asahaya, helpless, when He cannot get our help. Where is the symptom of Narayan in Krishna, in my Gopal? You are a boy, Uddhava. You are a boy. You have no intelligence at all. In your intelligence you are also a boy. Therefore I excuse you. I have never seen such symptoms in Krishna. It is a fact that by the unlimited mercy of Narayan we have gotten a son like Krishna. I know very well that Krishna is our son. This is the very, very deep-rooted feeling in my heart, Uddhava. Uddhava, how can you say it is not true?

 

More Ablaze

 

“You listen, Uddhava. There is another thing. Suppose your words are true and Krishna is not an ordinary person, that He is Bhagavan. If you say that Krishna is Bhagavan, and that He is not an ordinary person, how can such words soothe our hearts? By hearing your krsna-tattva the blazing fire of separation from Krishna that is burning my afflicted heart has increased thousands and thousands of times. Uddhava, you cannot extinguish it. Rather you only make it more ablaze. We only thought that we had lost a son, but then hearing from you that Krishna is mula-bhagavan, then I understand we have not lost an ordinary son, we have lost Bhagavan! I thought I had lost a piece of copper. Now hearing from you I realize I have lost a piece of diamond! Uddhava, by hearing from you, the blazing, acute fire of separation that we have been burning in has become more and more ablaze. You are a boy, you are a boy. Therefore you cannot extinguish this fire. Are you trying to extinguish this fire by pouring ghee into it? Uddhava you are a boy. Therefore I excuse you.” Saying this Nanda Maharaja’s voice became choked up and tears rolled down from his eyes like torrential rain.

 

Impenetrable Love

 

When Krishna showed the universal form to Arjuna, Arjuna’s sakhya-rasa became slackened. Therefore Arjuna begged excuse, tat-ksamasva, “You are so great!” When Devaki and Vasudev saw that the four-handed form of Vishnu, appearing as their son, had become two-handed, they offered prayers. Their vatsalya-rasa became slackened. After the killing of Kamsa, when Krishna and Balaram went to offer obeisances to Vasudev and Devaki, they became afraid to accept obeisances from Krishna. Even after meeting their son after such a long separation, still they couldn’t have such vatsalya-priti. Rather, they were afraid of accepting obeisances, pranamas, from Krishna.

 

Uddhava had thought, “If I speak krsna-tattva into the heart of Nanda Maharaja then he will become weak like Vasudev and Devaki.” But Uddhava saw that he couldn’t get the result he had expected by speaking sastra-jnana to Nanda Maharaja.

 

Hearing the bhagavatta, the glories of Krishna, Nanda Maharaja’s vatsalya-priti never slackened. Rather, his vatsalya-sneha, parental love, became much, much deeper. Nanda Maharaja’s krsna-vatsalya is far, far beyond the ordinary vatsalya of ordinary persons. So Uddhava’s tattva-katha could not check it. If anuraga [deep attachment] becomes melted, then you will be able to thrust aisvarya-priti, jnana or aisvarya into it. But if it becomes much deeper, more and more condensed, then how can you thrust jnana and aisvarya into it? Water is liquid, therefore you can thrust your hand into it. But can you thrust your hand into a log of wood? You cannot because it is not liquid. With the help of a hammer you can thrust a nail into it. Nanda Maharaja’s krsna-priti is harder than a log of wood. Even an iron nail cannot enter it.

 

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