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Things To Ponder

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Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.


Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. Wouldnt a good response be to write . . . A Good Doctor!


Do pilots take crash-courses?


Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?


Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?


How come abbreviated is such a long word?


Why are there 5 sylables in the word "monosylabic"?

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* "This should be taken care of right away."

(I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.)


* "Welllllll, what have we here...?"

(He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.)


* "Let me check your medical history."

(I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)


* "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."

(I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time or I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.)


* "We have some good news and some bad news."

(The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.)


* "Let's see how it develops."

(Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.)


* "Let me schedule you for some tests."

(I have a forty-percent interest in the lab.)


* "I'd like to have my associate look at you."

(He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.)


* "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

(I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)


* "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

(I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)


* "That's quite a nasty looking wound."

(I think I'm going to throw up.)


* "This may smart a little."

(Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)


* "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"

(I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)


* "This should fix you up."

(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)


* "Everything seems to be normal."

(Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.)


* "I'd like to run some more tests."

(I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.)


* "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"

(You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me.)


* "There is a lot of that going around."

(My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.)


* "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."

(I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.)



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