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Top 10 Reasons Computers Must Be Male

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10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.


9. A better model is always just around the corner.


8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.


7. It is always necessary to have a backup.


6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.


5. The best part of having one is the games you can play.


4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.


3. The lights are on but nobody's home.


2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.


1. Size does matter.


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Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me, please?!?











Dear Joe:


This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.


Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.


It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support."


I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.


In any case, avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.


Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.


Best of luck.

Tech Support.

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Originally posted by dubeyrakesh:

Hey Atma,

Post the reasons for the FEMALE part also.

I remember a few:

Its impossible to analyse their intricate functionality.

They stop responding for unknown reasons etcetc


I don't know the reasons for the FEMALE part. If I get it, I wouldn't mind to post it.


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Here are the reasons for they being female:


No one but their creator understands their logic.

Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

The message, "Bad command or filename" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you.

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


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