Mixed relationships and Hinduism

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to ask a question on the original post on inter-racial relationships: do you believe it is wrong if two people (he is Hindu/Brahmin/from northern india and I am Asian American) who care for each other are together? I am currently in a relationship where we both feel very strongly about each other, but due to his family background, which is very conservative, there would be huge difficulties with accepting me. There is a large chance that he would be disowned. Therefore, not wishing him any suffering, it almost seems as if it would be better for him if we ended the relationship so that his family would suffer less, and hence he would suffer less. The almost unfortunate thing is that other than my racial background, we are great together. In addition, I'm willing to convert to Hinduism and enjoy the culture, traditions, and food. Normally, I would have let this go already, but we both feel very strongly about each other. Any advice you could lend to me would be very much appreciated. Thanks....

[Guest guest]

Hey,

 

I'm not an orthodox Hindu, so you might get different responses from some of the other posters. I think it's great that you're willing to convert to Hinduism and that you appreciate the culture and the food. Like somebody mentioned before, there's no harm in marrying somebody that isn't Indian, as long as they adopt a Vedic way of life, religiously speaking. If the person doesn't want to adopt Hinduism, then there would be a major problem.

 

I'm sorry to offend any Indian here for saying this, but Indian culture (not the religion) can be rigid and stubborn as you can see.

 

Since I'm liberal, I would say that it's your marriage and it's your life. His parents aren't the ones that have to spend the rest of his life together with you. If you're truly in love, and you think this is the person for you, go for it. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice things for what you think is best for you. Your parents aren't always going to agree with you. I know it's a hurtful thing to have your parents not accept you anymore ,but would that person rather be married off to somebody that they don't even like, just to satisfy their parents? Would they rather spend the rest of their life thinking about the person they could of had, and constantly torturing themselves for not standing up for what they wanted? A lot of inter-racial marriages don't work out ,because the person persuades the Hindu to give up their religion and to bring up the kids as non-Hindus. But, this isn't the case in your situation. Thus, I don't see how it won't work out between you two.

 

 

How does your boyfriend feel? Is he ready to marry you no matter what? If

 

I'm sure a lot of the posters won't agree with me, and I apologize to anybody who got offended at the "You don't always have to let your parents control you, and you should do what you want to do" idea. It's just how I feel about things.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the quick response and the support.

 

I wish everyone had this liberal viewpoint, but unfortunately that is not the case. In reality, even if my boyfriend would forego his family for me, I don't even know if I would want that. He is so close with them and it would be such a huge sacrifice. I don't know if I would want to bear the guilt.

 

Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that even if I live my life as a Hindu, and accept the traditions, there would still be a lot of resentment and disapproval against me (us).

 

It'd be interesting to find out from people how they dealt with similar situations, and also hear from people who do feel that Hindus should not marry inter-racially to gain some understanding for the reasons behind this (since I'm having such difficulty seeing it).

I am somewhat pessimistic about things actually working out because of all the reasons above.

 

Thank you...

 

[Guest guest]

{Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that even if I live my life as a Hindu, and accept the traditions, there would still be a lot of resentment and disapproval against me (us).}

 

It really depends on the family. I know a Hindu family where a son married a white european girl and she was accepted by the family, with no problems. I know of a few families with inter-racial mixes where they get along. But they are just a few.

 

There has been inter-marriage amongst Indians and foreigners since ancient times that were accepted. For example in the Greek Bacrian period in northern India there was inter-marriage between Indian and Greeks without much problems.

[rajmani]

to understand the essence of cast system one has to go back to the time when the society viewed the individual in accordance to the profession of oneself. unlike modern days where profession is the result of individual choice od career in earlier days it was always passed on from father to son. for example a farmers son will be a farment. a glodsmit will be a son of a goldsmith. it enabled the system to work efficently when a goldsmith to marry a bride from the family which does the same profession. coming to think about it- the professional mentality and the household functions wouldnt be distrupted this way. suppose a goldsmith goes and marry a bride from a farmer family. she to begun with being brought up from the farmet background wouldnt be able to cope up wiht the functions of a goldsmith lifestyle. so in pratical terms marrage through caste was an efficient way of the functioning of the system. But as we all know in todays terms - things are diffrent and this system wouldnt be pratical anyway. Sometimes during the british regime this caste system took an ugly avathar and it was used to supress certain class of the society by thouse who were in more comfortable position. There is no mention of caste in the religion. if one notices carefully - it is always mentioned if ever mentioned to notify the profession.

Today caste system is not an assert for hinduism. but unfortunately it tend to exist- I guess it is about time for the system to undergo a revamp and change in accordance to modern times.

PLEASE DO NOT TREAT CASTE SYSTEM AS A FEATURE OF HINDUISM. HINDUISM HAS MUCH MORE TO OFFER. INFACT IT IS THE ONLY RELIGION WHERE U DONT HAVE TO BE A HINDU TO UNDERSTAND AND ADAPT THE PRINCIPLES. YOU CAN BE A CHRISTIAN OR A MUSLIM AND YET FOLLOW HINDU PRINCIPLES. AND IT WILL BE APT TO TREAT HINDUISM AS A WAY OF LIFE RATHER THAN A RELIGION

[Guest guest]

{INFACT IT IS THE ONLY RELIGION WHERE U DONT HAVE TO BE A HINDU TO UNDERSTAND AND ADAPT THE PRINCIPLES. YOU CAN BE A CHRISTIAN OR A MUSLIM AND YET FOLLOW HINDU PRINCIPLES. AND IT WILL BE APT TO TREAT HINDUISM AS A WAY OF LIFE RATHER THAN A RELIGION}

 

Well if Hinduism is a way of life then what religion are Hindus? Can Hindus be Muslims and Christians too? By the way Islam doesn't allow muslims to follow Hindu principals.

 

So what is Hinduism exactly?

You see this is where things get sensitive and as my Hare Krishna friend told me, he lost faith in 'Hinduism' when people said the things you just said. He felt he was someone without a 'proper' religion but was confused when people said Hinduism wasn't a religion when it has so many scriptures. So he started following HK's who deem themselved to bu followers of the vedic scriptures and 'Hindus' to be nothing much. The Muslims and Christians have been saying we Hindus don't have a religion for so long and you are confirming this for them.

 

Do you understand when westeners say Hinduism is nothing but a way of life, it is not something positive they are saying. They're equating Hinduism with a culture, superstition and tradition as if we are a people no religion.