What to do of this unbearable pain? PLEASE HELP

[anuMeera 0]

I am in love with Parmatma and want nothing else but Him. It had been 3 years since My Sadguru found me…but only since the last year have I been so crazily in love with the Self/Ishwar, and cannot ask for anything else but Him and His feeling. I just wanted to share this with others who are on a similar plane…as others don’t understand this longing and pain.

 

I idolize on Meera, and have always been encouraged by my Gurudev about aiming as high as Meera. But now as the days go by, I yearn and yearn only for that intense feeling of love, bliss and courage that I feel in glimpses…but that never stay. I cannot explain that feeling in words, all I know is I keep waiting for that throughout the day.

 

Please tell me what to do, how do I love Parmatma, how do I please Him…what should I do so that He does not leave me anymore. Does He love me at all? How can He leave me like this? Has he not created me…then how can he abandon me in maya like this…when I want nothing more and nothing less than Him? Only my Guru and Meera understand my plight… but I cannot talk to them always. That’s why when I found this forum I was so happy… Right now sitting in my office my heart yearns for Vrindavan, for constant company of my Guru, for being engrossed in the world of Meera bhakti.

Yet at the same time I realize it is Parmatma who has put me in this situation where I am not able to constantly remember Him, sing for Him… I accept. But what can I do when my heart is yearning for His constant Sadhna, bhajan and sewa?

 

Those who are in this forum can understand my pain…please tell me what to do. Please… tell me how do I please Him that He does not leave. How do I know I am on the right path?