Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 I am looking to get answer to this question since I am following the Safeties and get to know about K. As per safeties, we should forgive everyone since " Forgiveness is a Divine aspect of love " . I completely agree with it and have forgiven everyone including myself for the mistakes that I may have done in the past. But, if there is a person 'A' close to you in relationship/friendship who keeps on torturing you or your another close person/s then what should we do for it. This person 'A' has lot of ego (superego) and is not willing to listen to anything that you say and will always show his superiority. His soul/mind is so bad that he enjoys doing all this. The problem is that you cannot ignore this person as he is very close in relation to you Forgiving this person cannot be the only solution because he keeps on disturbing you every other day and one day you will loose temper. Please help. ....Sukhi... " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Yes Sukhi one need not stay in the company of a tyrant unless there is no clear way apart from them. Unless one can take themselves away from this person one does indeed need to cultivate foirgiveness daily and sometimes hourly. Doesnt mean you allow yourself to be hurt. On the contrary forgiveness dissolves much of the attachment one may have with regard to what that person is doing or saying that is hurtful. - Its not always easy dear freiend. It can be difficult but keep up the practice. - , Sukhvinder <sukhvinus wrote: > > I am looking to get answer to this question Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hello Sukhi, I was moved to respond so here is my two cents worth. I had a similar situation and found it was a good opportunity to cultivate detachment. It challenged me to my core so it was like vigorous exercise. The person pushed every button I had and was emotionally and psychologically abusive. I am grateful for this person because of the opportunities this situation presented. Explore what detachment means, and in that detachment you allow what is, to be...giving it no power over you any longer. Then you can smile at the person when they are throwing their worst at you and it goes right through you with nothing to bounce off of. Forgiveness is beautiful, too. Detachment also helps. Love, dhyana , Sukhvinder <sukhvinus wrote: > > I am looking to get answer to this question since I am following the Safeties and get to know about K. > > As per safeties, we should forgive everyone since " Forgiveness is a Divine aspect of love " . I completely agree with it and have forgiven everyone including myself for the mistakes that I may have done in the past. > > But, if there is a person 'A' close to you in relationship/friendship who keeps on torturing you or your another close person/s then what should we do for it. This person 'A' has lot of ego (superego) and is not willing to listen to anything that you say and will always show his superiority. His soul/mind is so bad that he enjoys doing all this. The problem is that you cannot ignore this person as he is very close in relation to you > > Forgiving this person cannot be the only solution because he keeps on disturbing you every other day and one day you will loose temper. > > Please help. > > ...Sukhi... > " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind " > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 I have a close relation that it is a challenge to deal with as well. I find that consistent forgiving, whenever necessary (even multiple times per day!), is helpful. I have also set down some personal rules. If the conversation gets uncomfortable for me, I end it and I explain why in a nice way. I remove myself from the phone call or conversation if I need to. I have found though, that by consistently sticking to my standards and making good on them, I am receiving a lot more respect. They are learning as surely as I am! Sarita , Sukhvinder <sukhvinus wrote: > > I am looking to get answer to this question since I am following the Safeties and get to know about K. > > As per safeties, we should forgive everyone since " Forgiveness is a Divine aspect of love " . I completely agree with it and have forgiven everyone including myself for the mistakes that I may have done in the past. > > But, if there is a person 'A' close to you in relationship/friendship who keeps on torturing you or your another close person/s then what should we do for it. This person 'A' has lot of ego (superego) and is not willing to listen to anything that you say and will always show his superiority. His soul/mind is so bad that he enjoys doing all this. The problem is that you cannot ignore this person as he is very close in relation to you > > Forgiving this person cannot be the only solution because he keeps on disturbing you every other day and one day you will loose temper. > > Please help. > > ...Sukhi... > " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind " > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 That's right Sarita! That is the right thing to do.I have one of those relationships too and i've been doing the same thing you do. love,nicole , " Sarita " <sarita1969 wrote: > > I have a close relation that it is a challenge to deal with as well. > I find that consistent forgiving, whenever necessary (even multiple > times per day!), is helpful. I have also set down some personal > rules. If the conversation gets uncomfortable for me, I end it and I > explain why in a nice way. I remove myself from the phone call or > conversation if I need to. I have found though, that by consistently > sticking to my standards and making good on them, I am receiving a > lot more respect. They are learning as surely as I am! > > Sarita > > , Sukhvinder > <sukhvinus@> wrote: > > > > I am looking to get answer to this question since I am following > the Safeties and get to know about K. > > > > As per safeties, we should forgive everyone since " Forgiveness is a > Divine aspect of love " . I completely agree with it and have forgiven > everyone including myself for the mistakes that I may have done in > the past. > > > > But, if there is a person 'A' close to you in > relationship/friendship who keeps on torturing you or your another > close person/s then what should we do for it. This person 'A' has lot > of ego (superego) and is not willing to listen to anything that you > say and will always show his superiority. His soul/mind is so bad > that he enjoys doing all this. The problem is that you cannot ignore > this person as he is very close in relation to you > > > > Forgiving this person cannot be the only solution because he keeps > on disturbing you every other day and one day you will loose temper. > > > > Please help. > > > > ...Sukhi... > > " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind " > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hi Sukhi.. if you can not move away from them.. and presuming there is no violence involved..then cultivate in yourself the viewpoint that you have nothing to defend , nothing to champion , you are fluid like the waters, that you yourself have no fixed views of anything , you are in the world to live ,love ,and learn, if you have no beliefs to defend they have nothing to attack... as you go through the process of learning this, you can feel your own reactions to this tyrant , the body crunches that occur, and why they occurred, you could turn it into something positive working within the framework of forgiveness and love.... paula.... > > Sukhvinder <sukhvinus > 2008/07/09 Wed PM 05:10:07 BST > > Question for all related to Forgiveness > > I am looking to get answer to this question since I am following the Safeties and get to know about K. > > As per safeties, we should forgive everyone since " Forgiveness is a Divine aspect of love " . I completely agree with it and have forgiven everyone including myself for the mistakes that I may have done in the past. > > But, if there is a person 'A' close to you in relationship/friendship who keeps on torturing you or your another close person/s then what should we do for it. This person 'A' has lot of ego (superego) and is not willing to listen to anything that you say and will always show his superiority. His soul/mind is so bad that he enjoys doing all this. The problem is that you cannot ignore this person as he is very close in relation to you > > Forgiving this person cannot be the only solution because he keeps on disturbing you every other day and one day you will loose temper. > > Please help. > > ...Sukhi... > " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind " > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Sukhi, For me, I had to learn to set boundaries. I could forgive and be detached all day long; but I had to learn that there are people who are psychic vampires, and will drain you of your emotional energy. And for me, it was a very close family member( or should i say several family members) For one thing, I moved 400 miles away. That helped alot. But not everyone can do that. But I learned a simple technique from a very old man. He said when you are faced with people like that, just look at them, and say, " Is that right? or, " you may be right " . Then say nothing else. Stops them dead in their tracks. Most people like that want a response from you, and when you don't let them ruffle your feathers, they move on to the next " victim " . Just what helped me. Blessings, Julie Julie All that we are is the result of what we have thought. - (Siddhartha Gautama)Buddha --- On Wed, 7/9/08, Sukhvinder <sukhvinus wrote: Sukhvinder <sukhvinus Question for all related to Forgiveness Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 11:10 AM I am looking to get answer to this question since I am following the Safeties and get to know about K. As per safeties, we should forgive everyone since " Forgiveness is a Divine aspect of love " . I completely agree with it and have forgiven everyone including myself for the mistakes that I may have done in the past. But, if there is a person 'A' close to you in relationship/ friendship who keeps on torturing you or your another close person/s then what should we do for it. This person 'A' has lot of ego (superego) and is not willing to listen to anything that you say and will always show his superiority. His soul/mind is so bad that he enjoys doing all this. The problem is that you cannot ignore this person as he is very close in relation to you Forgiving this person cannot be the only solution because he keeps on disturbing you every other day and one day you will loose temper. Please help. ....Sukhi... " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 At 05:58 PM 7/9/2008, you wrote: >But I learned a simple technique from a very old man. He said when you are faced with people like that, just look at them, and say, " Is that right? or, " you may be right " . Then say nothing else. Stops them dead in their tracks. Most people like that want a response from you, and when you don't let them ruffle your feathers, they move on to the next " victim " . Just what helped me. I just say " okay " . " Okay " doesn't mean you are right, it means " I accept that you believe that " or " I understand " or " I hear you " . I can't always say " You may be right " with integrity. But can always say " okay " . Brandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 At 12:10 PM 7/9/2008, you wrote: >I am looking to get answer to this question since I am following the Safeties and get to know about K. > >As per safeties, we should forgive everyone since " Forgiveness is a Divine aspect of love " . I completely agree with it I try to avoid " shoulding " on myself. It doesn't work for me. I forgive because it *feels good* ;-) ... Call me selfish, I don't mind. Reality moment, few people forgive because they " should " or because it pleases the Divine. >But, if there is a person 'A' close to you in relationship/friendship who keeps on torturing you or your another close person/s then what should we do for it. This person 'A' has lot of ego (superego) and is not willing to listen to anything that you say and will always show his superiority. His soul/mind is so bad that he enjoys doing all this. > The problem is that you cannot ignore this person as he is very close in relation to you > >Forgiving this person cannot be the only solution because he keeps on disturbing you every other day and one day you will loose temper. You are asking for a simple answer to a complex question. If you can't leave, and you can't accept their behavior, then things *will* continue as they always have, that's a given, because the chances *he* will change are about as good as oil prices coming down over the summer. If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got. So the real question is what can *you* do differently than you are doing now? Brandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Okay (lol) sweet brandi blessings --- On Wed, 7/9/08, Brandi Jasmine <jazztalk wrote: Brandi Jasmine <jazztalk Re: Question for all related to Forgiveness Wednesday, July 9, 2008, 7:28 PM At 05:58 PM 7/9/2008, you wrote: >But I learned a simple technique from a very old man. He said when you are faced with people like that, just look at them, and say, " Is that right? or, " you may be right " . Then say nothing else. Stops them dead in their tracks. Most people like that want a response from you, and when you don't let them ruffle your feathers, they move on to the next " victim " . Just what helped me. I just say " okay " . " Okay " doesn't mean you are right, it means " I accept that you believe that " or " I understand " or " I hear you " . I can't always say " You may be right " with integrity. But can always say " okay " . Brandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Forgiveness and unconditional love does not mean you have to keep in close contact to the person. I understand that in some cultures its more difficult to " get away " from relatives (i pressumed from your message they are a family member?) but I would do my best to spend less time around such a person if they are draining you. If they don't listen to you stop speaking as much to them. Pay them less attention and keep sending the forgiveness (to them and you). It's often the most difficult to forgive those who repeat and repeat painful behaviour, especially when we live close by. I say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Recharge yourself away from this person and then when you feel ready write a list of 10 things you like about this person and spend time focusing on that. It can take time but change always comes about. Love elektra x x x ________ Not happy with your email address?. Get the one you really want - millions of new email addresses available now at http://uk.docs./ymail/new.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 reading these posts have been very insightful for me. i have been wanting to post to get advice on this topic myself for awhile, but kept getting side-tracked and can't ever get the words just quite right. this is very much like my situation. i forgive continuosly it seems....several times a day. This person lives with me so it's not like i can exactly avoid him (although at times i do). he has a very negative personality and when he is in a bad mood (most of the time) pretty much puts down anything and everyone in his path. doesn't help much that he is addicted to video games and an alcoholic (ofcourse, he doesn't see it that way, though) i've tried to help, but it is difficult to help someone that really doesn't want it. seems i should work on detaching myself a bit more along with the forgivenesses. sometimes i am able to detach myself a bit too well and don't actually feel anything for anyone. lol brandyk On 7/9/08, Elektra Fire <elektra.fire wrote: > > Forgiveness and unconditional love does not mean you have to keep in > close contact to the person. I understand that in some cultures its more > difficult to " get away " from relatives (i pressumed from your message they > are a family member?) but I would do my best to spend less time around such > a person if they are draining you. If they don't listen to you stop speaking > as much to them. Pay them less attention and keep sending the forgiveness > (to them and you). > It's often the most difficult to forgive those who repeat and repeat > painful behaviour, especially when we live close by. > I say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Recharge yourself away from this > person and then when you feel ready write a list of 10 things you like about > this person and spend time focusing on that. > It can take time but change always comes about. > > Love elektra x x x > > ________ > Not happy with your email address?. > Get the one you really want - millions of new email addresses available now > at http://uk.docs./ymail/new.html > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 At 09:46 PM 7/9/2008, you wrote: >Okay (lol) >sweet brandi blessings Laugh! I did the same thing to the mentor who first suggested it to me ;-) Brandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2008 Report Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hi all... I have had great times of forgiveness...but I have learnt a few things I must share with all.. First of all...anger and disappointment towards someone comes only with expectation. Only when we have an expectation that a person should behave like this then only comes the point we get disappointment. When we do not have any sort of expectation then naturally we forgive. It is an implied action. The person is doing harm to me....he is not helping me...he is troubling me....this comes with the fact that we expect someone to be good and they are not. There is an expectation. Instead let us take a neutral stand on them..no good and no bad....remember that someone is good or bad is only our perspective. The moment we have no expectations from anyone we are detached from hi/her. With detachment comes forgiveness and even love for them....let them be wat eve..i shall send them love and prayers to goddess to help them......in case we hate them for what they are doing...how different we are from them...they may hate us in their actions and we in our thoughts....we are just a step behind them......and remember...pointing someone that he/she is bad...is just our ego there..telling that I am better than u... Finally I would like to add a small thought my guru keshav had thought me a method which I call a TFFT policy: We all know this principle....its the Tolerate Forgive Forget Thank Policy..... If someone is trying to harm us or trouble us....lets tolerate their act and not fight back..... Lets Forgive them for their act.... Lets Forget that they made a mistake.... And finally lets Thank them for their act for their mistake also helped me to grow and become a better person...... Forgiving is a great act that needs a lot of courage, surrender and acceptance..surrender here does not mean we give up to the other person ...it is to accept completely what the other person is...and let go our anger and ego.......and finally we see detachment. I have great issues with forgiving....many times I go and start hating them...but I do get back.....forgiving is not a 1 time job...it is to forgive every moment.... J Thanks to all for giving me space to share my experiences... Regards Prasad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2008 Report Share Posted July 10, 2008 Thanks for posting this Prasad! I think you hit on a lot of great points and I love the TFFT policy. Sounds like a Shakti-new Prasad is emerging. Sarita , <nagendra.prasad wrote: > > Hi all... > > > > I have had great times of forgiveness...but I have learnt a few things I > must share with all.. > > > > First of all...anger and disappointment towards someone comes only with > expectation. Only when we have an expectation that a person should > behave like this then only comes the point we get disappointment. When > we do not have any sort of expectation then naturally we forgive. It is > an implied action. The person is doing harm to me....he is not helping > me...he is troubling me....this comes with the fact that we expect > someone to be good and they are not. There is an expectation. Instead > let us take a neutral stand on them..no good and no bad....remember that > someone is good or bad is only our perspective. > > > > The moment we have no expectations from anyone we are detached from > hi/her. With detachment comes forgiveness and even love for them....let > them be wat eve..i shall send them love and prayers to goddess to help > them......in case we hate them for what they are doing...how different > we are from them...they may hate us in their actions and we in our > thoughts....we are just a step behind them......and remember...pointing > someone that he/she is bad...is just our ego there..telling that I am > better than u... > > > > Finally I would like to add a small thought my guru keshav had thought > me a method which I call a TFFT policy: > > We all know this principle....its the Tolerate Forgive Forget Thank > Policy..... > If someone is trying to harm us or trouble us....lets tolerate their > act and not fight back..... > Lets Forgive them for their act.... > Lets Forget that they made a mistake.... > And finally lets Thank them for their act for their mistake also > helped me to grow and become a better person...... > > Forgiving is a great act that needs a lot of courage, surrender and > acceptance..surrender here does not mean we give up to the other person > ..it is to accept completely what the other person is...and let go our > anger and ego.......and finally we see detachment. I have great issues > with forgiving....many times I go and start hating them...but I do get > back.....forgiving is not a 1 time job...it is to forgive every > moment.... J > > > > > > Thanks to all for giving me space to share my experiences... > > > > Regards > > Prasad > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2008 Report Share Posted July 10, 2008 At 04:25 AM 7/10/2008, you wrote: We all know this principle....its the Tolerate Forgive Forget Thank Policy..... If someone is trying to harm us or trouble us....lets tolerate their act and not fight back..... Lets Forgive them for their act.... Lets Forget that they made a mistake.... That's the big part a lot of people can't get past. The reality is, if someone hurts me badly I can't forget it. I have found I don't need to forget it though. I can accept it, and I can let go. I don't " forgive and forget " , I " forgive and let go " Forgiving is a great act that needs a lot of courage, surrender and acceptance..surrender here does not mean we give up to the other person ...it is to accept completely what the other person is...and let go our anger and ego.......and finally we see detachment. I have great issues with forgiving....many times I go and start hating them...but I do get back.....forgiving is not a 1 time job...it is to forgive every moment.... J In some cases I can find a space to actually be thankful to people who have hurt me. In one special case, I was overwhelmed by profound feelings of love and gratitude for a former friend who had abused me badly - I had an insight of just how much I'd gained and how much he'd sacrificed, when I looked at it from a higher perspective. It doesn't matter to me that it wasn't his immediate intention to give me such a huge gift, but he really empowered me in the end, and while I never want to hear from him again, I don't want him in my life again, I will always love him, and I will never forget what he did for me. What he did was show me the power of forgiveness ... for *my* own benefit. He's made it very easy to forgive others. That was an incredible thing. Brandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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