Need to share, Again??? ALL &

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone -

This is part of an email I sent to someone else, I have added a few after

thoughts. I hope it is helpful to whom ever has a need to see another's

perspective on forgiveness.

The way I see people and the situations I encounter and encountered is in

realizing that it is all for a reason, this reason is a great way for lessons to

be learned, no matter how much it hurts. I believe we all do the best we can,

whether what we do is in an approved manner or not. Think about Hitler, in his

" mind " he was doing what he thought was right, he was doing what he thought was

the best he could to ensure his survival and that of like minds, regardless of

what he did and how we judge his actions. Survival has a huge ego issue. I

look at someone's less than Loving motives and I see it, ultimately, as a way of

identifying oneself with the ego. The power of the ego comes with strongly

identifying one self with the ego " I am my body, I am my ego " , some allow the

ego to take hold of part of their experience even though they do not strongly

identify themselves with " I am my body. I observe myself and other person(s)

as being in a learning journey of the self

striving for the highest good. We are here with a plan, and we have choices

and free will to execute such plan (path). The qualities of this life plan will

be built upon how we exercise such free will and depending on the strength we

allow our egos to have. I believe Karmatic concequesces are invited to the life

experience depending how a person exercises the free will and how strong the ego

is allowed to run free. These Karmatic concequesces are oportunities for the

incarnated being to learn and unfold...and to move towards God realization.

Some, thinking and believing they are doing the " right " thing are actually

attaching Karma to their experience, the ego has some to do with this but it is

by choice. It doesn't matter if you have early Kundalini activation, sudden

awakening, advanced awakening or full blown awakening...we all have these

choices.

I was abused as a child, I experienced much mental as well as physical

cruelty. Pondering on the abuse does not bring in the forgiveness, true

forgiveness, but understanding what perhaps were her motives of this abuse does

bring me a peaceful forgiving feeling in realizing that mother did what she

thought was right regardless how evil it was perceived by others.

We all were born in a state of Grace, with incredible unconditional Love. I

believe we incarnate, whether this is your first incarnation or your 100th, by

choice, a choice to be in the flesh. As " humans " experiencing this reality we

have a responsibility, for our coming to this experience was for specific

purposes. As newborns just " being " brings Love to just about anyone's heart, as

the newborn grows he/she learns the power of manipulation to get what one needs

and wants. The power of a baby's smile is miraculous, a baby's natural state of

Love wants to continue, and so by smiling it is enticing the recipient to Love

more, with Love comes being well taken care of. The baby does it as a form of

survival, for if the recipient Loves then it gives the child a guaranteed

physical survival. As an adult and with years of learning the many ways and the

language of survival, whether the action towards obtaining such survival is good

or " bad " it is survival and the ego tries

to ensure the survival of many aspects within us. What mother exercised as

actions towards me was not because she hated me, she did it, in my belief,

because there was parts in her that was fighting for that survival, whether it

was the survival of the attention she had, the survival of the materials she was

acquiring, or the survival of her physical and " mental " well being. Her

struggles created behaviors that in her mind was not evil per se, she was doing

the best she thought she could. I was merely a threat to part of her ego's

survival, and it could of been triggered by small observations or experiences.

I do not believe there was an intentional " badness " in her, she was operating

from her ego...WE all do.

I look at forgiveness with the understanding that we are all trying to do the

best we can, under whatever circumstances or conditions with whatever we need to

do to ensure our survival....and at times, ultimately, the survival of the ego.

Of course, it is not a very constructive way of living but it is perhaps the

only way some people knows how to live. I look at my life and I explore

instances where I have reacted to people and experiences with my ego and what

the effect of such has been to others. I have done my share of " unintentional "

" bad " things to others, things that perhaps others will not forgive but that

does not make me a " bad " person. I am not looking at these experiences with an

excuse of " my ego did it so I am not liable " , instead I learn from what I have

done and give myself the gentle nudge of Love that I am striving to move

forward, and be better than I thought I was, therefore I'm forgiving myself.

 

Mother continues and will continue to be who she chooses to be, its free will

at work. Her mind, in survival auto pilot, will continue to defend her behavior

towards me regardless of her " logical " explanations...but not necessarily an

acceptable explanation for anyone else, it does not make her a " bad " person. I

believe she has accumulated her share of Karma, and its her Karma and further

lessons to be learned.

In forgiveness, I don't look at the deed done, but at the person's mind in

trying to understand what would someone be going through to act in such way. My

" bad " deeds were done because I wanted to control, obtain, experience,

manipulate, and ultimately not loose what ever I was holding on to...survival of

the ego.

I live this life with as much focus on intention as possible, though my ego

gets in the way many times. The stronger attention I allow my ego to have the

more reactions I receive from other people's ego, and the less forgiving I am.

Ultimately the ego wants to be stronger, better, have more, do more, seen it has

suffered more in need for pity (I suffered more therefore I deserve more),

obtain more, be Loved more, Love more, and give up less and less of itself than

anyone else...guaranteeing its survival. Once I have arrived to that

realization, I am perceiving people and experiences with pure Love in me, for I

am not judging the misdeeds of others but seeing the presence of the ego at work

which influences the choices to make, that's where my forgiveness begins.

 

I might think many times, but how could someone do something so horrible and I

am expecting myself to forgive them? It takes practice, and lots of it.

Calming the strength of one's own ego and seeing the situation in a different

perspective helps. All 'bad " has good in it, it all depends on what we focus

on. When you see a wilted flower do you see death? or do you see rebirth?

This is how I see forgiveness. It is my opinion, my own experiece with

forginess. I understand and accept much of it might not be agreeable to you,

this came literally, from my heart, I hope it helps you a bit.

All my Love,

Becky

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Becky:

 

Thank you for sharing these thoughts. Your words have inspired a new thought

process for me in terms of forgiveness. I understand how each of us lives in

one's own reality and can and do hurt others not intentionally. My biggest

block comes with not being able to forgive my father. He was not physically

abusive to me but more emotionally. He offered condtional love- if I did what

he wanted then I was loved and of course I tried for most of my life to follow

his wishes, however I am very much my father's daughter in that I am like him in

so many ways - I have a mind of my own and do not like anyone ot tell me what to

do or not. So we clashed - in big ways -

The culmination of this clash came when I got pregnant at age 22. Now being a

Catholic famly at that time having a pregnant daughter was a big embarrassment.

I was so naive and weak at the time I gave into the family dynamics and put the

baby up for adoption. That was the most difficult decision I ever allowed in my

life. I since have come to realize that that child - that female life needed a

vessel to enter this earth at the time and I was chosen. I do not regret the

experience - I loved being pregnant - my body was nade to breed but since then I

made choices that kept me from ever having another child. I never felt it would

be right to enjoy other children when I had set her aside - very heavy

psychological issues to deal with.

My father was instrumental in the play out of this scenario. His first words

to me when I returned home were " I forgive you!' I broke down = not because I

was happy he said these words but because at that moment I hated him for putting

himself first- I had affronted him by being pregnant and it really had nothing

to do with him - it was my life - my path - he always was a very self centered

man (his legacy to me) so I continued to struggle seeking validation from other

men - never really being satisfied with any of them.

At 35 I realized that it was ok for me to love my father for the good man he

tried to be and to hate what he did - how he presented himself to me and others.

I learned to separate the two modalities of a person. I could love a person for

being a creature of God but not like what they did. But forgive him - not at

all. Now I do not seem to have trouble forgiving some of those who came after.

It has alwasy been on an individual basis as to who I forgive. And I do not

even know the criteria.

 

I always said I would not attend his funeral - and when he died a few years

ago - I stayed away from the funeral. I felt that to honor the man would be a

lie. Some in my family did not like the fact I did not attend - My youngest

sister called me and said: " We need you here. " and my response was : " You

have never needed me. " For I always felt apart from the family - never fit in

and never really agreed with some of the conservative traits I saw in them. And

I was given a role to play in the family that I hated and do to this day. I go

back into the role when I am around the family in total. With a few I can be

myself - the person I truly am( or was- now I do not know who the hell I am),

but it is a strain on me to be with the others. So over the years I have stayed

away longer periods of time because I really do not like who I am around them

and have not been strong enough to not fall into the role that was set back in

the younger days with the position my father

put me in. Now being in California I have a legitimat reason not to see them -

they are too far away.

 

This coming September there is a family wedding and all will be there - a

reunion has been planned. I do not want to go especailly not when I am in a K

situation where I do not even know who I am or what I feel or what I believe-

all my perceptions of reality are being torn from me and I am nothing or feel

that way. And I am very vulnerable and do not need to be around those who are

not supportive or negative. So I will see what happens to me in the next

months- I do enjoy the nieces and nephews- they accept the goofy aunt who takes

off across country leaving most of what she has. I get the feeling they admire

me in a way for being willing to do the unusual - the non normal path. Doesn't

every family have an eccentric member who offers good fodder for stories?

 

I am starting to see the other point of view - as you have mentioned. My

father did the best he knew how there were no books on parenting then - he did

what he had seen his father do -and i have always admired his yearning to learn

- he was a true renaissance man - he did have so much to give and he did not

know how to share all he had. I feel sorry for him in many ways - he had an

opportunity to get to know me and to enjoy his gift and he chose not to - and

then I now see how he and my mother were gifted in having me - a K activated

child. They had to be special or I never would have chosen to enter the world

thru them.

 

So Karmically my father and I will pay for our non acceptance of each other.

I knew that by not forgiving him I would pay and I was and stil am willing to do

that - I accept the payment whatever it may be. However, now I see where

holding onto the feelings toward him are holding me back from moving ahead in my

path. The gift comes with strings- I have to become a clean vessel - one that

does not carry any baggage in order for the K to flow freely.

 

Having a baby out of wedlock was not anywheres near as hard as it is to

forgive my father. I do not even know why that is but it really does not

matter. Not being able to forgive him hampers my forgiving all others. For he

was the first one that really hurt me - he set the pattern and I allowed it - I

can forgive myself for I was too young to understand what it was all about , but

I hate myself for being a victim over and over again in relationships when all I

ever wanted was to be loved and to give love freely.

 

So taking your adviice and that of chrism I am writing down each person that I

feel has wronged me, I am listing their faults as I see them and the role I

played in the situation. I will actively write down the point of view of the

other person. I will forgive myself and then the other person for all the wrong

doings over and over until I can really feel that I am getting somewhere. I do

not know if this will work - I feel only that there is something wrong with me

that I can not forgive even though I know others are having the same problems -

it still weighs heavy on my heart not to be able to get past all this - I do get

angry at myself for holding myself back - I want/need to go forward I want/need

to remove these blocks -

 

So Dear Dear Becky; Thank you once again for your insights. One day I too

would like to be writing insights to help others if that is to be part of my new

me-

 

caio caio- boun giorno...

 

 

 

 

Loro

Event Coordinator

Kundalini Awakening Systems1

707-478-4885

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Hi Ana, and everyone.

 

 

 

I had a lot of issues with my mother growing up, and even afterwards. I was

very willful, and my mother had her hands full with six children. Of course

that is not how I viewed it then. But there was plenty wrong also with the

way she tried to quench my spirit. It is only as I get older that I am able

to understand her, and view her in any other way but bad. Last year she

passed away, and was buried on my birthday. I felt her presence right away,

but not as a loving parent, but as the angry, hateful, evil-eyed woman I

remembered. My guess is that that was a fractured aspect of her that she

had never dealt with. Things finally quieted down (I got a lot of help with

my wife helping to deal with her and keep her at bay, being more neutral),

and I do regret the way things went in both of our lives. But I also love

her, and forgive her. I am now realizing, with an 8 year old daughter, that

much of what I remember as mean was very justified and necessary. All of

her children came out ok, although a couple of my siblings have deep

emotional issues they have never been able to work through completely. I

still have some of that too.

 

 

 

Forgiveness is indeed difficult at times, as it requires us to let go of

something we are hanging on to for self-justification, or merely for the

pleasure of gossiping ( I guess that boils down to the same thing.) It

seems that everything concerning spiritual awakening requires letting go of

our knowledge/experience at some point, doesn't it.

 

 

 

thomas

 

 

 

_____

 

.. I feel I have now forgiven him and he's sometimes around as a guide.

Dont forget, forgiveness being difficult, its a good idea to ask for help

from the divine.

Wishing you all the best

Ana

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

At 09:55 AM 2/24/2008, you wrote:

>I had a lot of issues with my mother growing up ...

>I felt her presence right away, but not as a loving parent, but

>as the angry, hateful, evil-eyed woman I remembered.

 

It is possible she was earthbound for a time. People are under the impression

sometimes that everyone who passes away is always sweetness and light, and

that's not always true in my experience. We don't lose their personalities when

we die, not immediately. If someone has issues and unfinished business, and

decide not to cross over, they can retain their negative qualities. I remember

one mother who refused to cross because she hated her daughter's husband. She

was meddling with their marriage. I was working as a psychic at the time, and

the daughter came to me for a reading. What a piece of work that mother was! She

was adamant I tell her daughter to " dump that loser " ... the poor woman's mouth

just kept saying " Mom " over and over again as I told her my impressions. From

what I told her, there was no doubt in either of our minds that she hanging

around.

 

>My guess is that that was a fractured aspect of her that she

>had never dealt with. Things finally quieted down (I got a lot of help with

>my wife helping to deal with her and keep her at bay, being more neutral),

>and I do regret the way things went in both of our lives. But I also love

>her, and forgive her.

 

I think that may be what allowed her to finally move on.

 

>I am now realizing, with an 8 year old daughter, that

>much of what I remember as mean was very justified and necessary. All of

>her children came out ok, although a couple of my siblings have deep

>emotional issues they have never been able to work through completely. I

>still have some of that too.

 

I was recently listening to some Caroline Myss tapes ... she was talking about

" tribal " thinking versus the kind of thinking we're moving to (she calls it

" noetic " thinking). From the tribal point of view, being hyper critical and

demanding can actually be a sign of love. Really it's more " loyalty " than " love "

from our point of view, but from the point of view of the tribe, from a

fear-based perspective, that's " love " . " We'll beat you strong " is a mantra of

tribal love.

 

This isn't an excuse for abusive behavior, it's not a justification to continue

it ... but it can be a means to drop the negative charge we hold to our memories

of it.

 

>Forgiveness is indeed difficult at times, as it requires us to let go of

>something we are hanging on to for self-justification, or merely for the

>pleasure of gossiping ( I guess that boils down to the same thing.)

 

Another thing Myss talks about is the idea that many of us cling to the negative

charge, cling to our identity as " victims " because it brings us power. The

" victim stage " should be like a boat we use to cross a river, but too many of us

refuse to get off on the other side. You just put your finger on one reason why.

Sharing our stories (gossiping) brings us power. We pull out our wounds as a

bonding ritual. It's one way we manipulate our relationships.

 

>It seems that everything concerning spiritual awakening requires letting go of

>our knowledge/experience at some point, doesn't it.

 

Not so much letting go of knowledge/experience, but letting go of the emotional

charge behind that knowledge/experience. That's why I don't like " forgive and

forget " . I prefer to " forgive and unplug " . Very different sentiment, much more

reachable, and much more empowering, actually.

 

Brandi

 

 

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing that , How painful for you. My sister had a baby at

17 to the worst criminal in the town we were living in and my dad took it rather

badly but she was able to keep the baby. He was abusive also, physically,

emotionally etc. I spent a good deal of time hating him. I also loved him. A

while back I wrote him a letter, and in it I included all the good things I got

from him, the bad things. The things I would have liked to have been different.

He has been dead now for 8 years. I hope that the letter helped get some of the

stuff out the way and opened a path to a better relationship- Our relationship's

improved since. I feel I have now forgiven him and he's sometimes around as a

guide.

Dont forget, forgiveness being difficult, its a good idea to ask for help from

the divine.

Wishing you all the best

Ana