Dealing with discouragement-Kat

[Guest guest]

Dear Kat,

 

Thank you for making me feel 'normal' for having

moments of discouragement, and especially for your

comments about meditation...I thought I was the only

one wrestling with that! I appreciate your loving

support and your offer of your phone number...we live

so close we could almost use tin cans and string!

 

Thanks Kat, and God bless you,

Love, Claudia

 

--- Katherine Miller <katsam19 wrote:

 

> Claudia, first of all I would like to say thanks for

> sharing this with all of us and giving us your

> trust. Than I would like to say that it took a lot

> of courage for you to post this to the group! I am

> proud of you for biting your pride to help others

> who may be experiencing what you are. I know where

> you are coming from because I have been there

> myself. Don't be embarrassed because there is no

> reason to be. You are human just like the rest of

> us, and the ones who haven't had a spontaneous

> awakening are guilty of what you speak about, most

> any way. I am! I will not judge you, for if I do, I

> would be judging myself. Anyway, don't kick

> yourself, don't look down on yourself, patience is

> what both you and I need. As said, we have

> all the time in the world!

>

> As for the meditations, I have been doing them a

> year now and I still have times when my mind just

> wants to chatter, so you will have moments where

> that might happen even after you have been doing it

> a while. As for how I do it, I use guide meditation

> Cds sometimes and other times I don't use anything

> at all. I just sit there fingers locked, eyes up,

> and tongue up and I just sit there not forcing

> anything, if something does come to mind, I am like

> " OK " and I continue. I had a problem in the

> beginning like you, I tried forcing it away, to

> stop, but I believe that made it worse. Actually to

> be honest with you I still have problems every once

> in a while and sometimes I will just get up and do

> something else and then try again later. Just see

> how you feel at the moment, what is right for you. I

> used a verse from Psalms as a guide, but I like what

> has shared.

>

> Anyway, Claudia, we have all been where you are

> right now at least once if not more, so don't worry,

> don't be discouraged, or embarrassed. The dredging

> up of old memories and having to deal with a memory

> we thought was put away for forever can cause all

> sorts of emotional turmoil. We are here for each

> other always. I will send you my number if you ever

> need to just talk.

>

> Love,

> katherine

>

>

>

> Claudia Lambright <newtfoodbowl

>

> Sunday, May 6, 2007 6:12:45 PM

> Dealing

> with discouragement

>

> Dear group,

>

> has suggested that I share with you some

> personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes

> that it may help others in the group having similar

> issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone

> else, then I will be happy and try not to be too

> embarrassed.

>

> Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his

> response

> to me, and my response to him.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

> Dear Chrism:

>

> I'm very discouraged.

>

> I never meditated before I started with the K...I am

> having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts

> out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about

> using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them.

>

> I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see

> any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes

> into my head, I think 'good thought...I' ll think

> about

> that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and

> coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has

> passed

> and all I've done is volley thoughts.

>

> I keep having back problems. I got through the lower

> back pain during the middle part of April and was

> able

> to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain

> started, this one more severe than the lower back

> pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating

> up

> into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during

> which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area,

> finally settling right between my shoulder blades

> before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense

> at night that I could not sleep without taking

> ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I

> did

> so in order to sleep.

>

> During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans

> suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too

> strong to do much of anything else, although I did

> what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by

> doing certain exercises.

>

> I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to

> the

> K. In both cases, there were other possible causes

> for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan;

> the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs.

> with my extended left arm.

>

> I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great

> joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc.,

> I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I

> drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to

> my

> job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views

> and the breeze and the ocean smells there are

> wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature

> on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I

> feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my

> eyes.

>

> Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find

> really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go

> to

> the store and see shopping carts everywhere except

> at

> the return stations where they are supposed to go; I

> think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain

> uncaring those people are that leave their carts

> around, and I think that I am more highly

> spiritually

> evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking

> that, plus I know it's not true). That is an

> example...there are other instances. My head noise

> is

> incessant and negative.

>

> I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel

> foolish, like a child playing house...it's an

> illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I

> have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm

> not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I

> wake up each morning and face another day of going

> through the motions but seeing no signs that I am

> advancing.

>

> I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a

> large garbage bag and picking up litter around my

> neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other

> places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my

> bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on

> her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has

> an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her

> and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with

> her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks

> and will enjoy getting to know her.

>

> I have noticed no difference between when you had

> the

> scatterfield in place and when you removed it.

> Everything seems static with me and has been from

> the

> start.

>

> There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of

> this

> because I don't want you to think less of me, and I

> know you are just going to reassure me that

> something

> IS happening with me and that I just have to be

> patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get

> fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly

> discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try

> to

> resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and

> have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my

> life. I feel like a failure at K.

>

> You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and

> forth about whether or not to send you this email. I

> trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed.

>

> Love, Claudia

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

>

> Hello Claudia,

> It really isn't important how I

> feel about your progress or your issues but how you

> feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not

> because I do not care, I do, but because having

> expectations, as we understand them to be, is

> putting

> an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to

>

=== message truncated ===

 

 

 

 

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