Guest guest Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Whose cruel idea was it for the word " lisp " to have an " s " in it? Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? Why do banks charge you a " non-sufficient funds fee " on money they already know you don't have? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? Why are there 5 syllables in the word " monosyllabic " ? Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? How do I set my laser pointer on stun? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why are hemorrhoids called " hemorrhoids " instead of " asteroids " ? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? How come abbreviated is such a long word? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? If " con " is the opposite of " pro " , then what is opposite of progress? Why do we wait until a pig is dead to " cure " it? If it is " common " sense, why is it that it is rarer than gold? I went to a bookstore and asked a saleswoman, " Where's the self-help section? " She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2007 Report Share Posted January 21, 2007 C'mon chrism, admit it, these were channeled, right? A career await you, the ecstatic comic! Love Bret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2007 Report Share Posted January 21, 2007 Yes Bret I channeled it from the web! - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2007 Report Share Posted January 22, 2007 I have just gotten around to reading your post and I must say they lifted my spirits! They gave me something to laugh at and a much needed laugh at that! I ask the same question as Sam, who comes up with such things, do some people not have anything else to do, but think up silly things like that! I guess they serve a purpose by making someone else laugh. I loved them. Thanks for sharing with us Chrism. Love, Katherine chrism <> wrote: Yes Bret I channeled it from the web! - Cheap Talk? Check out Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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