Organic Subversion

October 28, 2006

Hi Every One-

Chrism asked me to post something we were discussing. I am not sure

if I remember the topic but I think it was about how we don't " do "

the kundalini, but how the kundalini " does " us.

From day one of the seizure of drawing that I experience my thinking

in regards to the relation of myself to the world was irreparably

fractured. The experience of movement and mark making outside of my

own volition drastically challenged my concepts of me, my body, the

material world around me and so on. Many fundamental ideas which I

had subconsciously accepted were now blazoned in an aura of question.

The center of this subversion was the experience of a fairly complex

activation of myself that seemed very outside of any thought or will

to action on my own part.

That is, this experience was one of me being " done " , and not in any

way I was familiar with before hand.

In a very short time, though, I am sorry to say, my conscious mind

made inroads into procuring the experience as its own. It was not

comfortable being left completely outside of my being and the

screaming of its abandonment eventually led to many clever ruses of

orientating itself to the experience. I could not help this. And

although my practice allows me to more easily and fully go into the

ecstatic experience I don't know that I will ever quite perceive this

great and wondrous division in my being as fully as I did on those

first few days. But I do hold it as a silent symbol in my mind to

remind me of a greater participation which I do not fully see.

In regards to this I have made an effort to try to not second guess

much of what I am suppose to do or learn. And in confirmation of

this choice most of the more pronounced developments that come have

come as surprises. The unfolding of my development is something I

never could have sat down and made up. How could I make up new

perceptions, no matter how subtle and fragile they may be in the

moment, that I was never aware of before? So I view the movement as

an outside movement, outside of whatever the " I " is and outside of

the greater part of the movement of that " I " . This is why I am so

drawn to the concept of Grace.

And this also makes the act of surrender important to me too. And I

suppose faith as well. But it also makes certain literary forms in

connection to these experiences rather hard to deal with. When

someone speaks of the path we are on, I think, what path am I on? It

makes more sense to me to say that a path is traveling me rather than

I am traveling on the path, even though this way of talking is crazy.

But that is the way it is for me, the normative experience upon which

most of our language is built has been so subverted that the language

needed to properly explain this new perception has to be subverted as

well.

Is this to say that certain forms of speaking or thinking is contrary

to a fuller surrender to the movement of the Kundalini? I leave that

up to your own personal and subjective inquiry as that is where the

vital answers are found.

Big Kiss Bret

October 29, 2006

Thankyou Brett, as always , a blessing to read about your experiences. You put it so well. Are we walking the path or is the path walking us? Hhmmm, a combination of the two perhaps, ying and yang, active and passive. Thankyou for gracing us with your views, love you very much Elektra x x x Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.