Ramana Maharshi Devotee Srimati Kanakamma

March 29, 2010

Srimati Kanakamma doesn't need much coaxing to speak about the wonder of Sri Bhagavan and the blessings he showered on her. In the following videotaped interview, taken in Madras by Graham Boyd in March, 1999, she pours out her experiences and insights. These are only excerpts translated from Tamil by V. Swaminathan of New York.

How to speak?The next day I wanted to go for a pradakshina around Arunachala. As I could not go alone, Anandammal would accompany me. When I went to take Bhagavan's permission at about 5 a.m., no one else was present. I thought that this would be my best opportunity to speak to Bhagavan. As I prostrate before him, I thought, " What do I ask him? " On such occasions, I would think, " What do you know? What will you ask this divine being at whose very sight you become tongue-tied? " All my questions would then remained bottled-up inside me. On that day, somehow mustering courage,Â I managed to speak out, " Bhagavan! I am going for pradakshina. " Â I did not know what else to say. Bhagavan, who was reclining on the sofa came forward towards me and said, " Uh! What? " I then realized that although I requested permission to go for pradakshina, no sound came from my mouth. Only my lips moved. Again, I tried telling Bhagavan, with the same result.Â Bhagavan then said, " Oho! So you are going for the pradakshina? Who is accompanying you? " Anandammal, who had come to the hall by then and was standing beside me said, " Bhagavan, I am going. " Â Bhagavan said " Very Good! Very Good " and gave a beatific smile.Â Thus, despite several opportunities to do so, I was never able to speak to Bhagavan. So how could I ask him anything? And what was I to ask? Some people told me to ask him whatever doubts came to me in my sadhana. But then it would occur to me that If we did sadhana the way Bhagavan asked us to, then there is absolutely no room for doubt. Such doubts are only on account of our own mistakes in not following Bhagavan. Thus, I never asked Bhagavan any questions.

Look of GraceThis incident took place when Bhagavan had moved into the new hall.Â During those days, the front row closest to Bhagavan was reserved for important people, although Bhagavan did not know about it.Â There was a specific unspoken seating arrangement and others who occupied those places would even be asked to go and sit elsewhere.Â On this day, Rani Mazumdar and myself were sitting by the window at the end of the hall when we noticed that the front row was empty. Rani suggested that the two of us could sit there close to Bhagavan. I agreed. The front row would begin at the pillars closest to Bhagavan's couch. No one could sit right beside the couch in order to give people room to move about. On seeing the two of us, a telugu lady called Kameswaramma also came and sat next to us in the front row. The three of us were directly facing Bhagavan.

As soon as we had settled there, Bhagavan began looking directly at me. Unable to bear the intensity of his direct look, I immediately closed my eyes. How long I remained like that I do not know, but sometime later, I opened my eyes and found Bhagavan seated motionless looking at me just as before. Again I closed my eyes.Â Sometime later, Mauni Srinivasa Rao came with the day's mail. Hearing Bhagavan talk to him, I opened my eyes. However, I was still in the same state that I was in when my eyes were closed and whatever was happening didn't really register in my mind. After attending to the correspondence, Bhagavan got up to leave for the cow shed. I got up along with everybody else but again without any real awareness of my surroundings.

Kameswaramma, who was sitting next to me, hugged me and said, " Kanakamma, you are extremely fortunate. Ever since you sat there, Bhagavan has been steadily looking directly at you up until the Mauni came with the mail. You have got everything. Bhagavan has given you all that you need. " So saying, she hugged me close to her.Â But I was in no state to give a reply. I just told her, " Tears are streaming down my eyes. I don't know what to say. " The waves of peace coming over me kept me from talking.

As the mind tends to go out, turn it inwards then and there. It goes out owing to the habit of looking for happiness outside oneself; but the knowledge that the external objects are not the cause of happiness will keep it in check. This is vairagya or dispassion. Only after perfect vairagya the mind becomes steady.

â€”Talks With Sri Ramana Maharshi, No. 344Source: http://www.arunachala.org/newsletters/2000/?pg=mar-apr