suffering

[Guest guest]

well, i'm in a lot of pain, i don't even want to discuss it, but

maybe a meeting will help, at least i'm here and not eating, not that

i didn't try, i went back to that place that had the cheese crackers

today with the thought of getting some, but they were closed, they're

not open again until tuesday, so i have until then to figure out how

to not chase down inappropriate food, i hope i can figure out how not

to go there, not that there's any guarantee that i'll be able to

procure these crackers even if i did go. but the goal is to not go

at all, to to admit my weakness, to admit that i'm a food addict, and

accept my difficulties without trying to act out with the food. i

really don't know if i have the strength right now, hopefully a

couple nights sleep will give me the perspective that i don't want to

try to chase down this food.

 

it's all about deprivation and not being as good as. i feel i'm

being deprived of something that someone else can eat, plus i see

them as a fairly expensive item relative to cheese crackers, and i

feel deprived because i " may " not have the money for them, if you get

my drift. logically i understand this, but emotionally it doesn't

help, right now, i just want to eat the things so that i won't obsess

on them anymore, i know how to get rid of obsessions is to just eat

the bad for me item and the obsession goes away. problem is i've

been trying this method for over a decade and as soon as i get raw i

usually get an unbearable obsession within a couple of days. this

pattern has been repeating itself for like i said, over a decade.

 

i don't know how to break free from this pattern however, i

desperately just want to get a few months raw again so the time means

something to me again, right now it doesn't seem worth going through

any obsessions when i only have a couple days raw.

 

so there, i journaled about it, maybe that will help, maybe somehow

over the next couple of days i'll figure out how not to act on my

insanity. i know it's insanity, how i struggle against the raw diet,

but it's just hard to do anything about it.

 

rich

 

www.rawfoodeaters