Relearning to eat ... MORE

[Guest guest]

Awhile back, Carolyn Navarra posted to one or both of these groups regarding

her experience with RF, cravings, and emotions. With Carolyn's permission, I

repost her writing now, in the hope that her story may inspire others.

 

Best,

Elchanan

________

Hi everyone,

 

I've been on and off raw for 4 years now. I'm never off raw due to not

believing in raw foods or wanting to be raw. I'm off raw due to emotional

times, binges (funny, my binges on cooked vegan food are the epitome of most

people's idea of a very healthy diet, but they sure don't produce health in

my body!), etc.

 

When I first began raw, I aimed for 75% and found that while I experienced

better health initially, I could not live in an in-between state. Any

cooked foods lead to desire for more and more. Recently reading the article

about the Pleasure Trap made the reason for this very clear for me.

 

Then I went for 100% raw and experienced wonderful feelings, but at first I

included grain (soaking and sprouting), and condiments, too many fats, and

recipes with poor food combining. I didn't ever truly succeed on this.

 

Then I went to all fruit and felt really great, but knew something was

missing still.

 

Then I found information about 8-1-1, Doug Graham and others like him, and

Elchanan here on these lists and I made some changes that have helped me

tremendously. I now eat mainly fruits, especially bananas, and leafy

greens. I noticed I really liked this way of eating and how I feel.

 

For the first month, I under-ate and it caused some problems. I actually

ate to hunger and stopped when satisfied, but I was eating less than 1,000

calories a day. I didn't know this until I ran it through Nutridiary and I

was more than a bit surprised. After 30 days of this, it caught up with me

and I began to struggle. For a few weeks I was " winning " my struggle.

 

Then, on May 21, I began a binge. It started by not having any food

available during a long day. I was getting panicky as I knew I needed some

food and I found a way to get some bananas. When we went out for dinner

(pre-planned event), I had a salad as planned, then reached for tortilla

chips and salsa. It started a 10 day binge. It was the most painful binge

I ever experienced. Perhaps because I had eaten better than ever for the

preceding couple of months. This 10 day binge hurt - I had massive

headaches, it felt like my brain was swelling. My back and my joints ached.

I was horrible to live with as I was very cranky. I could go on, but you

get the picture.

 

I realized I needed to do some internal work to find what inside me was

behind this - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I was hurting as much

as I was physically.

 

It took some work, but I found my personal answer. I kept hearing in my

head the mantra of many " fat " books, " When food is love " and I knew that

statement was NOT my answer and had caused me to stop short of going deeper

into my true answer. What I found for me was,...

 

When abuse is love.

 

My childhood included abuse. My father was a physical abuser (I have

forgiven him long ago, that is not my current issue) and my family had many

currents of abuse running through our interactions. From my earliest days,

I had important people in my life who were responsible for my care and

nurturing offering forms of abuse rather than the love I needed. This, for

me, taught that abuse is love.

 

This answer was huge for me - I was reeling for awhile. Every time I am

taking very good care of myself (throughout my life), and start feeling very

good and happy, I have always done something to " sabotage " that. I see now

it wasn't sabotage at all, but giving myself the form of love that I

recognize so well. I've always wondered why I do this, but now I see. I

recognize that binges feel horrible physically, but while my body hurts,

I've noticed I then feel " right " again in that hurt.

 

So, for me, food is not love, but instead abuse is. A much larger concept

than simple food issues.

 

When I found this answer, I was able to return to raw and the difference has

surprised me yet again. Without trying to reach any specific goal except to

eat in the healthiest possible way, I have resumed eating fruit and leafy

greens, with a small amount (1 1/2 tsp.) of pine nuts in a salad dressing.

After feeling great for days and not experiencing any problems at all, I

remembered to check my calories through Nutridiary. As before, I've been

eating when hungry and stopping when satisfied. Only this time, instead of

eating less than 1,000 calories a day, I found my average day's calorie

intake is around 2,600 calories! This stunned me! And I absolutely feel

great!

 

I am grateful for the information I have learned about optimal eating.

After 4 years of learning about raw and trying recipes and failing time and

again, I am pleased to learn how to make more healthful choices. If all I

had at my disposal where the original raw recipe books I started with, I

would still be where I was then and that is not where I want to be or how I

want to feel. I am glad for the internet, for my abilities to research and

learn, and also for people who share what they've learned. To everyone who

contributed to my journey, Thank You Very Much!

 

I have two young daughters who I attachment parented, extended breastfed,

raised on a vegan (though not raw) diet, and now homeschool (we unschool

here). The more I learn about raw, the more I am able to influence their

health as well as mine. And now I'm watching my husband working on his own

health and learning about raw.

 

I decided to write and share this as my growth was so greatly affected by my

realization of my abuse/love connection. That realization has been allowing

me to step out of old behaviors and use what I've been learning to succeed.

 

 

Carolyn

 

 

 

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