(Funny fake article) Artichoke Named Most Irritating Vegetable

[Guest guest]

I came across this humorous bit and had to post it. I thought it was a riot.

 

S.

 

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Artichoke Named Most Irritating Vegetable

By Mark Motz

 

(AP) The National Association for the Advancement Of Vegetables has

proclaimed the artichoke as " most irritating " of all popular

vegetables readily available in U.S. supermarkets.

 

N.A.A.V President Jonathan Book describes:

 

" Vegetables are in trouble. With today's fast food fare comprising the

bulk of American's diet, fresh prepared vegetables have fallen by the

wayside, an iconoclastic relic of the countries agrarian past. It's my

belief that by eliminating some of the more irritating, difficult to

prepare vegetables, we can spur a " Green Revolution " of sorts,

returning rustic, healthful dishes to the American kitchen table. "

 

Book produced a list, flipping the pages apprehensively

 

" Artichokes are number one because you have to boil the spiny things

for over an hour to get them tender, and the meager amount of edible

matter is enough to leave even the most masochistic green enthusiast

in mad fits. Asparagus came in second, as you have to throw away half

of them from the get go, and the other half turns to mush in a matter

of minutes. Leeks finished next (what more do you need to say, they're

leeks) and spinach tallied a high score because of the gritty,

tooth-dulling abrasive sand. Other mentionables were escarole (too

bitter), carrots (too carroty), cabbage (pronounced flatulence) and

squash (who really likes squash, anyway?).

 

Book tossed the list down, frowning hard.

 

" About the only vegetable Americans seem to agree on is nutritionless

iceberg lettuce, and that's only when it's the secondary ingredient in

a ham egg and bacon Cobb salad, or shredded on a Wendy's triple

cheeseburger. We've got a tough nut to crack on our hands over here,

so to speak. "

 

On the subject of nuts, the Brazil nut topped the legum list, the

primary complaint that " you need a jackhammer and a monkey wrench to

open them, let alone eat them. "