Guest guest Posted July 27, 2007 Report Share Posted July 27, 2007 We have had this with family.. esp my parents. Not over food only either. It started 16 yrs ago when I did not want her to give my daughter hot dogs. I have always been somewhat aware of diets etc. Though I would not consider myself a hard core environmentalist, I do try there too. She flat out refused to comply. At the time I had no choice. I depended on her to watch my eldest when I had to go to college during the day. I had no job, was on food stamps, 18 with a one yr old daughter. My mom paid for my gas to get to college. ( grants and loans paid the tuition). It has continued up to today. ( the same disrespect that is) You hit the nail on the head when you said " We're not confident we can trust her to support our values where our daughter is concerned and don't think it's fair to confuse our daughter in this way. " It is my opinion that your correct. Today its food, tomorrow it might be violent video games. Or your choice of religion etc. Its been hard. We have had to limit contact, do damage control etc. The key is treat them with loving respect, but not to forget your values come first. Her feelings are not fact. I may be out of line here.. and I am not telling you that my opinion is to cut off communication - no at all. But you and the Dh and your dd are YOUR family. You and the DH make the decisions for your child. Not your mom. She is your mom, God love her. She gave you live, but your not married to her. KWIM. I would however make it clear to her that if she does not begin to respect your values that you must tell her that it's a deal breaker. That if she can not comply then she will not watch your child for overnights etc. And that the issue is closed.. your daughter will be raised vegan and the matter is closed. Don't be afraid to tell her your husband as well as yourself are asking this of her. ( some moms will back off you at least if you pull the husband card- they don't want to confront the son in law.) She will be pissed.. for about a year. But that's her problem. ( I am rather blunt sometimes, so you might consider coming up with a more loving but firm approach if you go that route.) I don't mean any disrespect but my guess is that this is not the first " problem " your mom has had with some of your values. I know it was not with my mother. Your not going to change her, perhaps with time she will come to see. But don't hold your breath. But you can manage your reactions. Its hurtful though. I would not let it destroy the entire family..meaning I would not cut them off yet if at all but on the other hand, it will drive a wedge between you ( meaning you and the DH) and your daughter. Grammy becomes the " spoiler " - the savior if you will, from mean, whacky, out there on some fringe, mom and dad. The teen years will be pure hell if that confusion and division continues. You did the right things.. offering alternatives. No child ever died from not eating ice cream cake either. Just my two cents.. no easy answer. Hang in there. Steph " We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive. " C.S. Lewis On Behalf Of seenachick Thursday, July 26, 2007 5:11 PM Re: Vegetarian ?? (I'd love to know if anyone has gone through something similar with a grandparent and how they handled it.) This is just one of the reasons we are so grateful for this online community... it's so nice to be a part of a group that doesn't think we're nuts! Christina @gro <%40> ups.com, robin koloms <rkoloms wrote: > > I don't know if anyone has done a study, but eating is a very emotional issue. Family events can be so closely tied to traditional foods, many people feel personal rejecttion when you reject their foods and focus on the difference rather than focus on being together. The best that we can do is try to educate our loved ones and remember why we love them and hope that they can accept us for who we are, not reject us for not being who they wish us to be. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2007 Report Share Posted July 27, 2007 One thing I always do with everyone is plan my own attack or escape route if I have to. That means when we visit, I bring all of my own food alternatives for me and my daughter. Then there is no question about what will/will not be consumed. They make the boxed soy milk in individual containers that Laurissa loves because they have sugar in them, but as a treat when we are away from home, that is what I bring. When I say escape route I mean if it is a group thing party or restaurant or whatever, I plan my excuses ahead of time if I do not want to participate. I also plant the seed...ie we may not be able to stay for dinner because ..... whatever. This helps avoid hurt feelings etc. Diana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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