Guest guest Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 I just needed to communicate with people that really understands me. My yougest daughter, MP, just started on solids and everything was perfect until we went to family(mine and my husband's) parties. They already know that we've been vegetarians for 5 years and they still prepare chicken based dishes for us (that's their concept of vegetarianism)no matter how many times we've explained what we eat, why we eat like that, etc. But that's not the problem. My biggest concern is with my daughter because everybody thinks that what we are doing is wrong and that doing it with our daughter is even worst. I caught one of my husband's cousin feeding cheese to MP and we started arguing about that... I'm worried that these will keep on happening and that will not want to go to any of our familes parties. Please I need some advice!! Liza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Maybe you could invite them to your house instead and be very specific about what they can bring. Have them bring fresh raw fruit and veggies. Show them how delicious food can be when prepared with love and not blood. If this doesn't work, tell them that this is your choice and explain why you made it. If they cannot respect your decision, write them off. lirocheus <lirocheus wrote: I just needed to communicate with people that really understands me. My yougest daughter, MP, just started on solids and everything was perfect until we went to family(mine and my husband's) parties. They already know that we've been vegetarians for 5 years and they still prepare chicken based dishes for us (that's their concept of vegetarianism)no matter how many times we've explained what we eat, why we eat like that, etc. But that's not the problem. My biggest concern is with my daughter because everybody thinks that what we are doing is wrong and that doing it with our daughter is even worst. I caught one of my husband's cousin feeding cheese to MP and we started arguing about that... I'm worried that these will keep on happening and that will not want to go to any of our familes parties. Please I need some advice!! Liza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 If they're going to keep on disrespecting you and your family that way, I really wouldn't think they needed to be left unsupervised with your little one. We had a neighbor once who jokingly said once that if she ever babysat she'd feed my daughter meat. She never babysat. She didn't deserve to. Maybe you could just sit down with them and tell them why you're a vegetarian and what the consequences will be if they continue to disrespect your beliefs. Not that you should have to. Someone on the Atkins diet wouldn't have to give any explanations. But unfortunately people tend to have something against choosing a vegetarian or vegan diet. I don't get it. But I personally am vegetarian for moral/religious reasons and if someone repeatedly cooked something for me knowing it was against what I believe in, I'd rather just stay home with the kids. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable just so other people don't have to think about what they do or say. lirocheus <lirocheus wrote: I just needed to communicate with people that really understands me. My yougest daughter, MP, just started on solids and everything was perfect until we went to family(mine and my husband's) parties. They already know that we've been vegetarians for 5 years and they still prepare chicken based dishes for us (that's their concept of vegetarianism)no matter how many times we've explained what we eat, why we eat like that, etc. But that's not the problem. My biggest concern is with my daughter because everybody thinks that what we are doing is wrong and that doing it with our daughter is even worst. I caught one of my husband's cousin feeding cheese to MP and we started arguing about that... I'm worried that these will keep on happening and that will not want to go to any of our familes parties. Please I need some advice!! Liza Kadee Sedtal Build a man a fire and he'll stay warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll stay warm the rest of his life. " THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!! " -Captain Picard, Next Generation, " Chain of Command part 2 " Check out my new , Classical 2 at http://launch.classical2/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Liza, I really feel for you. I am lucky enough to have converted both of my sisters to veganism and my mom is working on vegetarianism. Without them I could not survive family functions. Of course my husband and children also are veg, but it still helps to have others. It seems that others feel forced to be more accepting because there are so many of us. We have even been able to find common ground with our hunter stepdad, as he is repulsed by factory farming and is open to learning more about it. My husband's family is another story. When I bring dishes to their house nobody will touch them (and there is no hiding who brings what.) My dishes are avoided at all costs. The last time we went there for Thanksgiving my mother in law actually suggested that I bring certain things - green bean casserole and pumpkin pie. It turned out that while I thought I was making those things for everyone, it was only for my family because they couldn't possible eat them since the milk in them was not " real " . I was very upset with them. I guess we are lucky though because no one actually challenges us or tries to get our kids to eat meat. Even still it is always uncomfortable to celebrate a holiday while everyone around us is gorging on dead animals. I really feel for you. Perhaps there is someone in your family that you can talk to privately to let them know that things MUST change. They are family and it would be terrible to lose them, but nobody needs that kind of stress. Good Luck and we do all know how you feel... Jill , " lirocheus " <lirocheus wrote: > > I just needed to communicate with people that really understands me. > My yougest daughter, MP, just started on solids and everything was > perfect until we went to family(mine and my husband's) parties. They > already know that we've been vegetarians for 5 years and they still > prepare chicken based dishes for us (that's their concept of > vegetarianism)no matter how many times we've explained what we eat, why > we eat like that, etc. But that's not the problem. My biggest concern > is with my daughter because everybody thinks that what we are doing is > wrong and that doing it with our daughter is even worst. I caught one > of my husband's cousin feeding cheese to MP and we started arguing > about that... I'm worried that these will keep on happening and that > will not want to go to any of our familes parties. Please I need some > advice!! > Liza > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Patience and perseverence > I just needed to communicate with people that really understands me. >My yougest daughter, MP, just started on solids and everything was >perfect until we went to family(mine and my husband's) parties. They >already know that we've been vegetarians for 5 years and they still >prepare chicken based dishes for us (that's their concept of >vegetarianism)no matter how many times we've explained what we eat, why >we eat like that, etc. But that's not the problem. My biggest concern >is with my daughter because everybody thinks that what we are doing is >wrong and that doing it with our daughter is even worst. I caught one >of my husband's cousin feeding cheese to MP and we started arguing >about that... I'm worried that these will keep on happening and that >will not want to go to any of our familes parties. Please I need some >advice!! >Liza > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 i think the family relationship is the most important thing, but that doesn't mean i'm willing to compromise our values, especially when it is SO important to maintain consistency with little kids. IMO if a family member, knowing full well what our standards are, willingly overrides that, they've disrespected me and my parenting and i don't abide that. our kids are pretty young but i'm sure we will run into this problem in the future. the thing is, it shouldn't matter if they think they know better than you what your kids need. YOU are the parent, not them. they need to respect your wishes. if i found out that someone had given my kids meat or eggs or dairy willingly, i would sit them down and explain that if they can't follow our rules, our values, with our kids, then we can't trust them, and we'd never leave our kids with someone we didn't trust. i'd explain that regardless of whether they agree with our lifestyle or not, they must abide by it with our kids, because that is our right as parents to raise them a certain way. i'd explain the most important point, which is that it's terribly confusing to kids to have their parents saying and doing one thing while other ADULTS are going against that when the parents' backs are turned. ANY parent should be able to understand that frustration. and i'd explain that it's not worth them sacrificing our trust and our kids' health just to make an entirely incorrect point about the standard american diet. you have to realize with family that nobody thinks they can raise kids as well as they do or did. so it's bound to happen that they are going to question your judgment, especially if it's something sort of " out there. " imagine how we feel as a homebirthing, cloth-diapering, alternative-schooling, attachment-parenting, natural-healing, only-wooden-toys-playing, no television-watching, fair-trade-buying, liberally-voting, organic vegan heathen family in a family of THE MOST MAINSTREAM people you'd ever meet?! maybe all your family needs is a little talk about the health benefits for veg kids (maybe don't get into the moral/ethical stuff since people who aren't interested tend to get fidgety) supplemented with some VERY prestigious, well-documented health sources, like the china study or any of the studies john robbins cites in " the food revolution. " john robbins also has a new book on aging called something like " living to 100 " (?) that could be a great gift for the grandparents. " becoming vegan " can be a great resource too. as for family events, we always bring food. actually, any time we visit my in-laws, we bring food for our kids at least, because even if they do have something technically " vegan " it's still not usually something i want my son to eat (like white bread). on the rare occasion that he spends the night, i pack enough food for him for about a week, LOL. then they have no excuse to feed him something nasty. i've explained to my MIL many times that it's not that i doubt her ability to feed him nutritious, vegan food (even though it is, LOL!) - it's just that we had leftovers OR i like to know that he's eating something i've made him OR any number of other BS excuses. i've also given a list of foods we are and are not ok with, just so there's no confusion. ( " yes, there's egg in the banana bread, but it's baked - that doesn't count, right? " <-------actual comment from my MIL.) on holidays, we actually do most of the cooking if we do a family meal, because everyone likes my food better! i do all the cooking except whatever hunk of dead flesh my MIL cooks up as a centerpiece. in the last 2 years, though, we've stopped attending thanksgiving and christmas dinners and now we just show up after. we have kids now and it really grosses me out to sit there with some dead animal in the middle of the table - food is a really important part of the holidays for me, and as someone who celebrates earth-centered spirituality i feel that it really deadens the spirit, so to speak, of the holiday feast. we eat dinner on our own and then come afterward. i think that now we have kids we are perfectly within our right to have a family dinner by ourselves. we've even converted my BIL and SIL to veg and they had thanksgiving dinner with us this year; i made stuffed squash and we had a blast. i don't think it does any good to really draw attention to yourself about what you eat or don't eat, or to be high-and-might and judgmental either. BUT IMO, if it comes down to people deliberately going against your well-known wishes and feeding your kids junk, you have to put your foot down. it's about your kids' health; trying to keep ignorant people happy because you're afraid of offending is just going to do damage to her health and her faith in you as a parent who knows what's best for her. stick it out! it'll be worth it in the long run. chandelle' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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