RE: fostering/adoption

[Guest guest]

Hi Paul,

Yes, we have adopted as vegans. Our adoption was an independent match

with a (vegetarian) birthmother so the state was only as involved as

our homestudy and criminal background check, etc. Have I talked to

you before on another site? Have you already adopted two children

internationally?

 

We weren't sure what our social worker would check while in the

house. We knew that some checked refrigerators and pantries. I

assumed a " don't ask, don't tell " policy with a little white lie on

my part. We don't usually use meat analogs and vegan cheese. But I

bought some and took them out of their cardboard wrappers, but left

the plastic on them. I put them in the refrigerator drawer (clear) so

that they could be seen. I made sure the Earth Balance was near the

front as well and bought some Tofutti cream cheese. Then I put juice

in front of the rice milk, not to block it but to make it harder to

discern between dairy. I made veggie patties and put them in slightly

see through storage containers. I filled the refrigerator with fresh

produce and the freezer with veggies and fruits. I put fruit on the

table. I made sure we had pasta and crackers and cookies and bread

and cake mixes in the pantry. They were all vegan and as healthy as I

could find. My husband likes tortilla chips so we bought them at

WalMart along with canned foods and soups and such so that the pantry

didn't look like a HFS. I filled my house with healthy, " normal " but

vegan foods. I didn't hide my cookbooks but I did clear all the

animal rights type literature out of the house. I had all my

nutrition and medical type books accesible if needed. In the end,

none of this was a white lie as we use many of these analogs and

cakes now when going to birthday parties and such.

 

I had also visited the RD at the local hospital armed with all my

notes and books. We had a counseling session and I had her write a

note indicating I was well versed in providing adequate nutrition for

a child. (She eased up when I asked her to discuss the pros and cons

of dairy vs. goat milk and types of dairy based formulas in case soy

was an issue. I did not present a vegan or die case.)I also found a

vegan pediatrician in the area. She was Navy and we couldn't use her

but she agreed to speak with the social worker if needed. I found a

ped we could use that had other vegetarian patients.

 

Guess what? Our social worker never looked at any of this stuff and

never asked us about our diet. Instead we talked about what our plans

were for our house and how she was impressed that we planned to make

more out of what we had as opposed to buying something larger or more

grand. She said that she hears that all the time and it concerns her

that potential parents don't understand long term planning with a

child (keep up with the Joneses instead of saving for education

etc.). We found we had similar interests and she was content to just

talk with us for awhile about these. That made for less tension and

took up some of her time. And she choses to have us come to her

office with baby in tow for the two follow up visits.

 

We also planned on co-sleeping and adoptive breastfeeding. I visited

the ped and my gyn about the breastfeeding and had info from LaLeche

and other supporters available. I had bottles and info about formula

as well. I wanted her to know that I would do what was best for the

baby and not insist on BF if I couldn't (it went well though). We

bought a nice used crib and set it up in the baby's room and bought a

new co-sleeper and put it by our bed. SS did ask several times what I

would do if the baby woke in the night. I told her I would tend to

the baby and that we had the co-sleeper to use until we felt baby was

old enough for sleeping in the other room. I would go into how I

wanted her close by while BF, etc. SW did tell me she was against co-

sleeping but never asked me point blank if we were planning to do

just that.

 

 

A foster situation will definitely be different. The social workers

will be questioning the children. If they are older or feel deprived,

they will talk. So, you have to figure out how to handle that. I

mean, are you going to accept 8 and 15 year olds or only 2 year olds?

The older the child and the worse his diet, the harder it will be to

make the switch. Will you allow a transition period in the home?

Allow dairy outside the home but not inside? Will you offer vegan

substitues that may not be healthy but will be tasty in an effort to

transition? And so on and so on...

 

My grandmother was a foster parent for 13 years. Her biggest problems

were getting children that were underfed and that had severe

emotional problems. So, a vegan diet may or may not become an issue.

But, many SWs feel superior and will make many demands. Few of them

are relevant to the child's best interest in my experience.

 

Whether you are dealing with the state or a private adoption, I would

take the time to find people in the local community that can back

you, like a pediatrician and/or RD. Arm yourself with knowledge and

have those books available. Come up with a plan for several different

foster scenarios as above. Also, remember what most people don't know

about fostering. The biological parents have a lot of rights until

these rights are terminated. That means they can chose their

children's diet, religion, doctor and school while that child is in

foster care. Most don't because they don't realize they can or are

not in a position to see it through. If this comes up, you will have

to decide on accepting a child (or letting it go after being in your

home for some time).

 

I hoped this helped. I am happy to answer more questions if you have

them.

Carrol

 

, Paul Falvo <pfalvo wrote:

>

> This thread makes me wonder ...

>

> Anyone have experience with fostering or adoption?

>

>