Fwd: New personnel manual

[Guest guest]

New personnel manual

 

DRESS CODE

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If

we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we

assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that

you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress

in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a

raise.

 

SICK DAYS

 

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If

you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

 

PERSONAL DAYS

 

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday & Sunday.

 

RESTROOM USE

 

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3

minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will

sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a

picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted

on the company bulletin board under the " Chronic Offenders " category.

 

LUNCH BREAK

 

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that

they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get

a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes

for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

 

 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive

employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,

complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,

allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be

directed elsewhere.

 

Have a nice week!

 

THE MANAGEMENT

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

LOL! That was funny.

Thanks for the chuckle, Taharka.

I have worked for a company that

actually had some unwritten policies

similar to those!

 

~ PT ~

 

, Taharka <taharka@w...>

wrote:

>

>

> New personnel manual

>

> DRESS CODE

> It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your

salary. If

> we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci

Bag, we

> assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need

a raise.

> If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,

so that

> you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress

> in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do

not need a

> raise.