A New Threat

[Guest guest]

MessageNew Threat

 

 

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual

later discovered to be a public school teacher was

arrested trying to board a flight while in possession

of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule,

and a calculator.

 

At a morning press conference, Attorney General John

Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the

notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by

the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 

" Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, " Ashcroft said. " They

desire average solutions by means and extremes and

sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute

value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y'

and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have

determined they belong to a common denominator of the

axis of medieval evil with coordinates in every

country.

 

" As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there

are three sides to every triangle, " Ashcroft declared.

 

Asked to comment, President Bush said, " If God had

wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,

He would have given us more fingers and toes. "

 

" I am gratified that our government has given us a

sine that it is intent on protracting us from these

math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with

calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to

inflict plane on every sphere of influence, " the

President said, adding: " Under the circumferences, we

must differentiate their root, make our point, and

draw the line. "

 

President Bush warned, " These weapons of math

instruction have the potential to decimal everything

in their math on a scale never before seen unless we

become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor

in random facts of vertex. "

 

Attorney General Ashcroft said, " As our Great Leader

would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle that

he is uncertain of: although they continue to

multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse

tightens around their necks. "

 

PS - The fearsome cult of Al Gebra is indeed of Iraqi

origin. The first manual for the operatives was titled

" Al Jabr " and published in Baghdad.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

lol, I'm calling the pun police on you, too.