NOTMILK: Insurgent Terrorist Attacks by Cow (History plus Humour - what more can you ask!)

[Guest guest]

After all the gloom and doom scenarios from this

source, I was amused at today's newsletter. I send it

along to you as a pressie!

 

Best, Pat

 

Insurgent Terrorist Attacks by Cow

 

A cow was responsible for insurgent terrorist attacks

against American soldiers, but the United State's acts

 

of aggressive pre-emptive strikes began the whole

bloody

mess. History should record that this morally corrupt

policy was blessed by the oval office.

 

The year was 1854. Blame the President (Franklin

Pierce)

and his secretary of war (Jefferson Davis) for one of

the sorriest chapters in American history. President

Pierce did not like political agitators, particulary

those who proposed an end to slavery. So far as

Indians

were concerned, Pierce believed that they stood in the

 

way of America's progress, and were a threat to

coast-to-

coast railroad transportation. To him, native

Americans

were a group of insurgents to be controlled or

eliminated.

 

Because of a cow, Sitting Bull defeated Custer at the

battle of Little Big Horn. This is the true story of

the cow who started a war. In the days of the Oregon

Trail, a homesteader's cow became separated from her

wagon train and wandered into a Sioux camp. Losing

a cow was a catastrophic event for a family of 19th

century settlers.

 

Today, you can buy a herd of 20 cows for the same cost

 

as a brand new family mini-van. In settler days, your

prairie schooner (covered wagon) cost exactly the same

 

as the family cow, about $70. Rice, beans, and dried

fruit could be had for just 6 cents per pound. Flour

cost only 2 cents per pound. A rifle was $15.

 

At that time during America's history, there were few

lawyers or activists in the Old West, so the Sioux

didn't sue nor declare war. They might have even

returned this funny looking animal, if only the

settlers had asked. Instead, the pioneers went to

Fort Laramie, Wyoming, where they reported their lost

cow as a theft. They blamed the Native Americans.

 

One very eager West Point graduate, Lt. John Grattan,

assembled 29 soldiers and then set out to punish the

Indians who by that time had barbecued the unfortunate

 

animal. The chief offered the soldiers a horse in

trade

for the cow, but Grattan's response was to open fire.

He killed the tribe's leader, and the Sioux fired back

 

killing 21 soldiers. Shortly thereafter, 650 soldiers

returned to massacre 85 Sioux men, women, and

children.

The year was 1855. The result was years of hostilities

 

by both sides. All because of one wandering cow.

 

The war between the Sioux nation and the United States

 

lasted for two decades. The Sioux joined the Cheyenne

in Montana, and were led by Sitting Bull who inspired

them to small victories over the US Cavalry. Army

troops

commanded by General George Custer, wanted to end

things

with the insurgents in the summer of 1875, so he

planned

a final campaign that backfired into his famous " Last

Stand. "

 

The battle of Little Big Horn was a devastating loss

for

America and a great Indian victory. Within a year, the

 

Sioux nation would be crushed.

 

One hundred and forty-eight years ago when America was

 

young, and when settlers sought a better way of life

in California, the dairy cow that started the Indian

wars

would have yielded just one quart of milk each day.

That

hardly produced enough mozzarella cheese to melt atop

even one slice of pizza for a hungry cowboy or

cowgirl.

 

There were many wagon train expeditions that never

made it through the Rocky Mountains, due to a number

of hardships, more often than not a combination of

severe weather and too little food.

 

Shortly after Custer's Last Stand, another group of

settlers became lost and their stores of food ran low.

 

They had been traveling through rough country, and

they

had seen no evidence of human life for nearly a week.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, they came upon an old

Jewish man sitting beneath a tree.

 

The leader galloped his horse over to the man and

asked,

" We're lost and running out of food. Is there

someplace

around here where we can get something to eat? "

 

" Vell, " the old Jew said, " I vouldn't go up dat

hill und down other side. You'll run into a big

bacon tree. "

 

" A bacon tree? " asked the incredulous wagon train

leader.

 

" Yah, ah bacon tree. I vudn't lie. "

 

The expedition guide rode off on his horse and related

 

his conversation to the other settlers. He told them

that they might be able to find food on the other side

 

of the next ridge. One settler wasn't so sure.

 

" Then why did he warn you not to go there? "

the pioneer asked.

 

" Oh, you know those Jews - they don't eat pigs. "

 

Despite reservations, starvation won over precaution,

and the wagon train did go up the hill and down the

other side. Suddenly, Indians attacked and massacred

everybody except the leader, who managed to escape

back to the old man.

 

The near-dead cowboy, arrows protruding from his body,

 

crawled up to the Jew and grabbed him by the leg. With

 

great difficulty, he spoke, " You fool! You sent us to

our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there

was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of Indians, who

massacred everyone. "

 

The Jew held up his hand to his face and cried " Oy

vey,

vait a zecond. " He then got out an English-Yiddish

dictionary and began thumbing through it. " Oh, no, vat

 

have I done? It vuz not a bacon tree, it vuz...a

ham-bush!

 

Robert Cohen

http://www.notmilk.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Wasn't that great?? So funny!

 

CT

 

 

--- veggie hound <veggiehound wrote:

 

> After all the gloom and doom scenarios from this

> source, I was amused at today's newsletter. I send it

> along to you as a pressie!

>

> Best, Pat

>

> Insurgent Terrorist Attacks by Cow

>

> A cow was responsible for insurgent terrorist attacks

> against American soldiers, but the United State's acts

>

> of aggressive pre-emptive strikes began the whole

> bloody

> mess. History should record that this morally corrupt

> policy was blessed by the oval office.

>

> The year was 1854. Blame the President (Franklin

> Pierce)

> and his secretary of war (Jefferson Davis) for one of

> the sorriest chapters in American history. President

> Pierce did not like political agitators, particulary

> those who proposed an end to slavery. So far as

> Indians

> were concerned, Pierce believed that they stood in the

>

> way of America's progress, and were a threat to

> coast-to-

> coast railroad transportation. To him, native

> Americans

> were a group of insurgents to be controlled or

> eliminated.

>

> Because of a cow, Sitting Bull defeated Custer at the

> battle of Little Big Horn. This is the true story of

> the cow who started a war. In the days of the Oregon

> Trail, a homesteader's cow became separated from her

> wagon train and wandered into a Sioux camp. Losing

> a cow was a catastrophic event for a family of 19th

> century settlers.

>

> Today, you can buy a herd of 20 cows for the same cost

>

> as a brand new family mini-van. In settler days, your

> prairie schooner (covered wagon) cost exactly the same

>

> as the family cow, about $70. Rice, beans, and dried

> fruit could be had for just 6 cents per pound. Flour

> cost only 2 cents per pound. A rifle was $15.

>

> At that time during America's history, there were few

> lawyers or activists in the Old West, so the Sioux

> didn't sue nor declare war. They might have even

> returned this funny looking animal, if only the

> settlers had asked. Instead, the pioneers went to

> Fort Laramie, Wyoming, where they reported their lost

> cow as a theft. They blamed the Native Americans.

>

> One very eager West Point graduate, Lt. John Grattan,

> assembled 29 soldiers and then set out to punish the

> Indians who by that time had barbecued the unfortunate

>

> animal. The chief offered the soldiers a horse in

> trade

> for the cow, but Grattan's response was to open fire.

> He killed the tribe's leader, and the Sioux fired back

>

> killing 21 soldiers. Shortly thereafter, 650 soldiers

> returned to massacre 85 Sioux men, women, and

> children.

> The year was 1855. The result was years of hostilities

>

> by both sides. All because of one wandering cow.

>

> The war between the Sioux nation and the United States

>

> lasted for two decades. The Sioux joined the Cheyenne

> in Montana, and were led by Sitting Bull who inspired

> them to small victories over the US Cavalry. Army

> troops

> commanded by General George Custer, wanted to end

> things

> with the insurgents in the summer of 1875, so he

> planned

> a final campaign that backfired into his famous " Last

> Stand. "

>

> The battle of Little Big Horn was a devastating loss

> for

> America and a great Indian victory. Within a year, the

>

> Sioux nation would be crushed.

>

> One hundred and forty-eight years ago when America was

>

> young, and when settlers sought a better way of life

> in California, the dairy cow that started the Indian

> wars

> would have yielded just one quart of milk each day.

> That

> hardly produced enough mozzarella cheese to melt atop

> even one slice of pizza for a hungry cowboy or

> cowgirl.

>

> There were many wagon train expeditions that never

> made it through the Rocky Mountains, due to a number

> of hardships, more often than not a combination of

> severe weather and too little food.

>

> Shortly after Custer's Last Stand, another group of

> settlers became lost and their stores of food ran low.

>

> They had been traveling through rough country, and

> they

> had seen no evidence of human life for nearly a week.

> Suddenly, from out of nowhere, they came upon an old

> Jewish man sitting beneath a tree.

>

> The leader galloped his horse over to the man and

> asked,

> " We're lost and running out of food. Is there

> someplace

> around here where we can get something to eat? "

>

> " Vell, " the old Jew said, " I vouldn't go up dat

> hill und down other side. You'll run into a big

> bacon tree. "

>

> " A bacon tree? " asked the incredulous wagon train

> leader.

>

> " Yah, ah bacon tree. I vudn't lie. "

>

> The expedition guide rode off on his horse and related

>

> his conversation to the other settlers. He told them

> that they might be able to find food on the other side

>

> of the next ridge. One settler wasn't so sure.

>

> " Then why did he warn you not to go there? "

> the pioneer asked.

>

> " Oh, you know those Jews - they don't eat pigs. "

>

> Despite reservations, starvation won over precaution,

> and the wagon train did go up the hill and down the

> other side. Suddenly, Indians attacked and massacred

> everybody except the leader, who managed to escape

> back to the old man.

>

> The near-dead cowboy, arrows protruding from his body,

>

> crawled up to the Jew and grabbed him by the leg. With

>

> great difficulty, he spoke, " You fool! You sent us to

> our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there

> was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of Indians, who

> massacred everyone. "

>

> The Jew held up his hand to his face and cried " Oy

> vey,

> vait a zecond. " He then got out an English-Yiddish

> dictionary and began thumbing through it. " Oh, no, vat

>

> have I done? It vuz not a bacon tree, it vuz...a

> ham-bush!

>

> Robert Cohen

> http://www.notmilk.com

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

-------------------

> THE NOTMILK NEWSLETTER:

> SUBSCRIBE: send an empty Email to-

> notmilk-

> UNSUBSCRIBE: send an empty Email to-

> notmilk-

>

> Forward this message to your milk-drinking friends:

> MILK from A to Z: http://www.notmilk.com/milkatoz.html

> 2O QUESTIONS: http://www.notmilk.com/notmilkfaq.html

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Meet the all-new My - Try it today!

>

=== message truncated ===

 

 

=====

I DO GENEALOGY BECAUSE IT !!@#$% & !! RELAXES ME!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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