Why cats stay so slinky slim......

[Guest guest]

No I don't suggest we get down on all fours and eat kibble! With all

this pressure on staying fit and dieting, a little humor is a nice

detour. Plus laughing burns calcories! So without any further adieu,

intruding the cat miracle diet!

 

Miracle Cat Diet!

----------------------

 

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people.

For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there

is

the new Miracle Cat Diet!

 

Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table

scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat

Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just

follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look

and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con-

stitutes food. Good Luck!

 

DAY ONE

 

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as

long as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on

your

plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock

the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before

 

stalking off into the other room.

 

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on

the cleanest carpet in your house.

 

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat

one wing. Leave the rest to die.

 

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's

plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the

refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of

it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining

gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.

 

DAY TWO

 

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa.

Knock

it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on

the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read

it.

 

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your

part

of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over.

Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

 

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house.

Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead.

Allow it to escape under the bed.

 

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or

beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to

the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug.

Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire

room.

 

DAY THREE

 

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's

cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the

closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

 

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on

top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is

seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone

else to have to deal with.

 

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a

bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl

over on the floor.

 

FINAL DAY

 

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of

legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of

water.

Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or

partner's pillow.

 

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go

leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag

the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and

then abandon.

 

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a

flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in

Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry

and get hard.