kid's and food

[Guest guest]

A lot of you have pretty much said what I feel about this issue. It seems to me

to do more harm than good to a child to force them to eat what they do not like,

want, hate, or are not in the mood for at that moment. Not only, as also

mentioned, is it unpleasant for everyone at the dinner table but it can breed a

whole slew of other problems---- eating disorders, power struggles, and it is

generally disrespectful and undermining of a child's spirit to not allow them

any chance to discover and decide for themselves what it is that they actually

do and do not like. ( many adults can't even make these kind of decisions

themselves... I wonder if this may be why?)

 

That said... I also feel that children do need to know where your personal

boundaries lie, respect for your decisions for them ( that your choices for them

be it food or other things, are from the heart and truly what you feel are in

their best interest ), and respect for their host ( even when at home)

 

Because of this in our house we insist upon trying everything that we give

them. We have various tactics we use such as :

1. They may always choose to eat their food in the order that they like the

food backwards.. IE if they eat the food they dislike first they know that they

will end their meal on the food that they like to most and leave happy (this

often works but not always).

2. We use a bite by age rule..... my four year old must eat four bites of each

item my seven year old seven. We may negotiate the number of bites of each

item...IE x# of bites of this then the other foods on your plate.... if you

want more after that another x or y# more bites.. or finish the plate then you

may have more of the favorites (if available)... it really varies.

3. We do sometimes have an extra item ( not necessarily a dessert ) at the end

of the meal that only the people who finish all of their food may have

(including the adults) .The reasoning is that if you can not finish what is on

your plate than you are not hungry enough to eat the extra...this works often

for us, as their most common excuse is that they are full. They also have seen

us not get the extra item, when we did not finish all of our food, thus modeling

that we do not have unrealistic expectations of them that we are not willing to

place on ourselves as well.

4. If they are truly unhappy eating something ( or just testing as the case may

be) they will usually ask how many bites they have to eat to have whatever or to

be finished, etc. I think maybe this helps them to feel that they have been a

part of the decision and they usually will go along with our answer. They know

that this is almost always an option.

 

Oh, about the eat this or go hungry thing.... I think that it could be taken to

the extreme , but, my kids do have a limited number of choices, beyond that it

is up to them, they can and do choose nothing occasionally. No responsible

parent will only offer only the things the kids truly dislike at every meal, nor

will they feed them so infrequently that missing a meal here or there will be

truly detrimental to their health. Besides that, our choosing to be veg*ns

sometimes does leave us with the option of choosing to eat something we don't

care much for or skipping a meal. That's a life lesson for adults as well as

children. In fact this happens to omnivores as well sometimes ( I'm assuming to

a lesser extent but not necessarily).

 

Ultimately I tell the kids that :

 

1. I will never intentionally give them something harmful to them..I love

them... and it is my job to try and keep them healthy, and my choices for the

meal are part of that.

 

2. It is important to eat balanced meals (ok not always within the same meal

but overall) and sometimes if it is (for example) the protein item I may ask

them " if you do not want to eat that, what will you eat instead to get your

protein? " , Or just saying " You do need protein and that is the only protein

food you have right now. " they usually are ok with this. This often happens at

breakfast. They sometimes don't want their milk poured over the cereal, that's

fine, but then they need to drink a glass of milk with the meal, or later in the

day. Or perhaps it will be a choice of whatever type of milk we have on hand

(soy, almond, oat, multigrain, rice, nut , etc. we usually have more than one).

 

3a. Whoever made/bought/served the food did it for you because they care about

you and out of respect and good manners you must try some ( exception: if the

food is not vegan... in that case eating foods the body is not used to can make

you physically ill ( and minute portions of it have made them ill in the past).

 

3b. Along with this, we have made it common practice to always thank the person

who cooked/ served the food for doing so before we eat or as soon after as we

remember.

 

4. Tastes change and sometimes you may like something you didn't care for

previously, or it may be prepared differently than the last time you had it so

you should always at least try it. If you find you still do not care for it

that is ok, but you must always say so politely... It is ok to say I do not care

for this item, or I do not care for this item prepared this way (ex. served with

raisins)...it is not ok to say I hate this, I don't like it,it is yucky, it's

gross or any other derogatory terms. " Just a taste please " is a great way to

check whether you might like somthing without getting stuck with too much

esspecially if you are not absolutely certain you care for something.

 

I apologize for the rambling.... but this is how we handle it.

 

Also, to those who thought they were the only one... it is perfectly normal for

people of all ages to have food jags as they are called ( only wanting x food

for every meal ..then on to something else.) In adults we call this cravings.

It's just more pronounced in children.. perhaps because of their inexperience,

perhaps because they make a bigger scene of it all After all isn't that the

way they learn everything...by trying it over and over again until they feel

that they have mastered it ( the skill, talent, etc. after all " practice makes

perfect " as they say in the adult world.) Every child I have met has at some

point wanted to hear a story repeatedly, played games multiple times, watched

particular shows or movies several times. Most adults I know do it too. Why

should this be any different at mealtimes than in the rest of their lives.

Parents (myself included) sometimes just try too hard to do our best that we

place way to much value on certain things... often times

food.... perhaps our having to defend our being veggie could have a little to

do with it, but honestly, I see this same thing in omnivorous parents as well.

 

Debbie