XPOST [PathOfHealth]: Transitioning Loved Ones

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

 

A few weeks ago, there was a discussion here about dealing with spouses and

life partners. In the Path of Health Community, various people have written

rather extraordinary pieces on this and related topics. Following is one

such writing. " Him " refers to this woman's fiancée.

 

Enjoy!

Elchanan

_____

 

Caroline J.

Friday, January 18, 2008 11:41 AM

PathOfHealth

Re: [PathOfHealth] Transitioning Loved Ones (WAS Thoughts on

" Eating " - Personal Experience (WAS: Transitioning children))

 

 

.... I am leading by example. When I gave him advice but was not stable in

my transition, he, like anyone would, had trouble trusting what I had to

say. One of the things that helps keep me 80/10/10 (with those few human

exceptions- I'm transitioning after all Smile emoticon , is that if I do

not, he will naturally not trust me. So he's another motivation for my not

trying cooked foods.

 

I also share with him how I feel when I act in different ways and how that

is impacting my life. For example, I used to be tired all the time. When he

met me, I slept often on the sofa. When I transitioned to raw foods, I had

energy. A normal person might say I didn't have more energy than they did,

but to me, not wanting to sleep and be lethargic all day was a big

difference. Also, when I ate cooked foods, I had chronic PMS/cramps. Eating

a vegetarian diet helped, exercising helped, but it did not stop the fact

that I had intense mood swings (sadness and craziness, no anger- lucky for

him!-several days a month). It would be so bad that at times I would lay on

the floor and look and feel catatonic with a blanket of sadness (for no

reason). When I started eating 80/10/10, I stopped this catatonic state and

instead cried for reasons that would normally not make me cry (they might

make me feel disappointed and sad, but I could usually get over it pretty

easily and I don't cry easily/at all normally).

 

One day, I came home crying. He's sweet, and being used to the fact that I

cried for silly reasons during that time of the month, he smiled at me and

said- " so what silly reason are you crying about? " I'm fortunate because

looking into his smiling eyes when I'm crying makes me feel silly and I

admitted that day that it was because I ate chocolate. I ate chocolate at

school, my inner voice said not to, my impulsive body told me to, and the

more I ate, the more I fought my body telling me it didn't like the

chocolate (my tongue didn't enjoy it like it used to), and after finishing

an entire bar, I had a terrible headache and felt a bit nauseated. He

learned two things there- your body becomes more sensitive when you remove

toxins from your life for some time and sends you messages it would not have

otherwise.

 

He and I discussed this. He thought like many that it meant that my body was

growing weak. I gave him the callus analogy. When you play the guitar, your

fingers form calluses and become less sensitive to both pleasure and pain. A

finger without calluses is sensitive and thus better able to send the

message to the brain as to what is good or not good for it (e.g. caress is

good but finger might not feel it. Minimal pain is bad but finger may not be

able to feel it). The stomach and body is the same way.

 

Other reasons why he's interested:

-I had two surgeries this summer (before I learned about natural hygiene) to

remove two different tumors from my body. I went on a juice fast to shut

down my digestive system as much as I could (or so I believed.) Because my

digestive system did not work as hard, I recovered much faster than the

doctors thought I would. I took none of the painkillers that they gave me

(and they gave me a lot), and felt no pain. My scars are disappearing. The

speed of recovery in and of itself is impressive.

 

-I am ready to answer all of his questions and demonstrate that I am not

blindly making decisions. I am being educated, I do my research, and when I

apply what I learn, positive results result. If I don't have an answer, I

tell him " thanks for bringing that up, I should definitely consider and

research that. " That shows that I am not defensive and that I truly am open

to considering all perceptions/sides/theories before making my decision.

 

-When he feels sick (his stomach is sensitive), I explain to him why.

Although he may not want to change, I do offer an explanation- if he's

interested. I do not force knowledge or share knowledge he does not wish to

hear right now. I hold confidence that when he will someday be ready to

hear, understand, and practice leading a healthier life if I let him

change/pursue his journey at his own pace. (I think this is very important.

It is very annoying for someone to " mentor " (annoy you) with all this

knowledge, perceptions, etc. if you didn't ask for it, are not interested in

it (whether you should or shouldn't be) and when you are not ready for it.

 

-Because he is a consultant, he cannot afford to be sick and understands

that. If he's sick, there's no money to pay the bills. So when he was sick

for 2 weeks, after working while sick instead of resting (actual resting,

fasting, or requiring less energy from his body- e.g. eating just fruits and

vegetables), he finally gave in. He ate only fruits for one day (he wasn't

ready to do more than that) and physically rested for 3 days and healed.

 

-I have learned to give him what he asks- or the healthiest closest version

of it. I hope that someday he will be 80/10/10. He can't imagine being

80/10/10 now. When I told him I would transition him to 80/10/10, he got

turned off the idea of being healthy. It was too overwhelming, too much for

him. When he gets closer to it, it won't be a big deal to him. For now, if

he's in the mood for a burger, I make him a low fat vegan burger. If he's in

the mood for fried foods, I try and make him the low fat vegan version, and

sometimes give him the fried one. With time, and by letting him move at his

own pace, he is getting turned off of fried and less healthy foods. I think

this point is also extremely important. If you try to move too fast

personally or are too hard on those around you, they will fail. Some people

can make the change overnight (Robby). Some people are not ready for that

and if you transition them faster than they are ready for (they will become

more sensitive to bad foods and their bodies, inner voices will start

telling them to eat healthier and healthier until they have reached

optimal), then it will be like a pendulum. It will swing back and they will

binge a lot- it will look like they have gotten nowhere. Some people take

years to get to 80/10/10. I keep that in mind (though secretly hope it will

take less time) and trust in his body's natural ability to heal/tell him to

eat and live differently.

 

-I do not make him feel guilty for making exceptions. If he eats cheese, or

fish or dairy (usually outside of the home), I ask him how he felt after it.

He often/sometime admits that he didn't feel good after it. I leave it at

that. He knows he shouldn't have. By not making him feel guilty by acting

disappointed/sad/frustrated, by acting accepting, he does not feel the need

to hide anything from me and does not feel like he is being deprived (the

resultant behavior would have otherwise been binging behind my back). He is

becoming more aware of the impact of food on his body and is slowly

transitioning at his own pace. (FYI- he does not see himself as

transitioning- he sees it as eating food that makes him feel good. He does

not plan on removing fish for his diet, for example. Whether he intends on

transitioning or not, he IS transitioning. I think the fact that he views

himself as one who tries to eat what makes him feel good makes it easier for

him to eat healthy/transition. I believe there was a gentleman in this group

that refused to call himself vegan even though he transitioned to eating

vegan foods. Called yourself a vegan focuses on what you are depriving

yourself of. Focusing on eating simply because it makes you feel good

focuses on what you actually do eat and enjoy and helps you accept the

transitioning exceptions. If he focused on the idea of " transitioning, " he

would be focusing on what he is leaving behind, which he does not perceive

as all being THAT bad, yet).

 

Hope this helps!

 

Best wishes,

Caroline

 

P.S. Sorry for sending this late! I got a little wrapped up in life. Smile

emoticon

 

P.S.S. I have been frustrated that he is not transitioning faster, but then

I think about myself and the fact that it is taking me time too. I have to

remind myself that some people take years (which is not as bad as you may

think...if it takes years for someone to transition at their own pace, and

they live 80/10/10 for the rest of their lives, it is much better than them

trying to speed up the process, acting like a pendulum, and never getting

there or giving up). It is possible that he may at one point make an

overnight change, but it may also be possible that he will need to continue

seeing the long-term impact on my health to get motivated and that it will

take him longer. There are no rules. I am not him- he is an individual

entity/spirit/person that I love and can help guide, but ultimately the

change has to come from him, from within. I have no control over him and

have accepted that. I can influence him by leading by example and being

available as a loving and accepting guide, but that's it. I have accepted

that.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Elachan,

Thanks for sharing that post with us. I have been

transitioning to 811rv since Aug of last year. I even

managed more than 30 days 100%, but have only been

able to maintain 90% since November. My body tells me

by its physical signs, runny eyes, congested nose and

usually upset stomach (I have resorted to taking

digestive enzymes as a transition stop-gap measure.

Not optimal;, but I don't want to give up on

transitioning, but have realized I am imperfect and

this is taking me a while to fight the cooked

addictions).

Sharing stories such as those really help. I have to

say it takes Herculean (no drama there, just truth)

efforts to cook for my family (I have an 11 yr old and

refuse to stop cooking for him; otherwise, his dad

will feed him horridly) and stay Raw. As time goes

by, it becomes less of an effort, but is still trying.

Thanks for the occasional blurb about succesful

811'ers.

---Monica

 

 

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