Any stories of raw-conciliation?

[Guest guest]

Good morning,

After last week's discussion of marital rifts resulting from raw choice, I was

wondering if anyone has any stories to tell of having resolved those rifts -

especially if it ended up in both husband/wife becoming raw - but even if there

was a long-term positive handling of the conflict. What worked, what didn't,

what changes were possible?

 

For selfish reasons I'm especially interested in raw husbands who were able to

reconcile with their wives.

 

I suppose I'm even interested in mutually beneficial exit strategies, although

that would be my last choice.

 

 

If you'd prefer to share them privately you may do so by sending your message to

nick.hein

 

Thanks,

Nick Hein

Morgantown, WV

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Nick,

 

My story is definitely still in progress... :-)

 

I am not all raw yet, and neither is my husband. I think I will be

all-raw eventually. I have done a lot of study and research about it

and definitely believe strongly in it. I eat a lot of raw fruit and

veggies, but dinner and dessert is still difficult... I have done a

few stints of all raw from a few days to a week and once, 30 days.

My husband has gone through being totally opposed (we had some

challenging times over it), to being interested, to wanting to be

100% raw, to eating all raw with me for a week, to wanting to be

more " moderate " (probably a lot of raw plus some low-fat cooked

vegan). I have made some key observations. Early on (about 3 yrs.

ago), I was so excited about raw and wanted myself and my husband to

change instantly. I tend to be this way, but it's not very

effective...I'm learning! Anyway, I thought if he did it too, all

would be perfect. :-) Well, basically when he feels I'm pushing

him, he resists. When I am able to genuinely accept him where he is

(not in order to get him to do anything), he is more open to ideas

and change. After a few arguments, we finally had a good talk a

couple yrs. ago where I realized how he felt (that I was trying to

force him to do something and that I wouldn't accept him if he didn't

change), and realized I didn't need to control him--I needed to worry

about myself. I told him this diet/lifestyle is important to me and

I want him to respect that, but that I love and accept him regardless

of what he eats.

 

I still share what I'm learning, interesting/inspiring testimonials,

etc. We talk about how diet is important and how we feel when we eat

certain foods. I make his lunch and I ask him what he wants and he

requests a big smoothie or other fruit for his first meal, and the

second meal used to be fruit but lately has been a vegan sandwich and

cut up raw veggies.

 

I could see us both being raw in the future, and that would be

great. But who knows? Life is a journey...

 

Best wishes in finding some peace about this--whichever way it turns

out.

 

Laurie

 

, " Nick Hein " <nick.hein

wrote:

>

> Good morning,

> After last week's discussion of marital rifts resulting from raw

choice, I was wondering if anyone has any stories to tell of having

resolved those rifts - especially if it ended up in both husband/wife

becoming raw - but even if there was a long-term positive handling of

the conflict. What worked, what didn't, what changes were possible?

>

> For selfish reasons I'm especially interested in raw husbands who

were able to reconcile with their wives.

>

> I suppose I'm even interested in mutually beneficial exit

strategies, although that would be my last choice.

>

>

> If you'd prefer to share them privately you may do so by sending

your message to nick.hein

>

> Thanks,

> Nick Hein

> Morgantown, WV

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Nick,

 

I have been so interested to read this discussion. I hesitate to respond because

I am sure you are far beyond where I am in pursuing a high raw life style. Can

I tell you about something? When I first started to pursue raw eating, I was

into it for about 3 months when I went to a raw food gathering one evening. A

man asked me how long I had " been raw " and I told him about 3 months and I was

about 80% raw. He literally snickered and said, " I don't even know what that

means. You're either 100% raw or your not raw. " His contempt was hurtful and

caught me totally off guard. I suddenly felt like, oh great - here is one more

thing I am failing at. Wow. I still want to cry when I think about it. Not

because of him - he was just some holier than thou jerk. It still hurts because

it reminds me of how much work I have had to do to create appropriate boundaries

in life and stop being overly sensitive to other people.

 

Setting boundaries is not just about keeping bad energy out (negative comments,

manipulation, control) but it's about me not putting bad energy out as well. My

sister, whom I live with, has a degenerative disease that is literally killing

her. I am the only one to care for her when she gets so bad that she is in the

hospital or in a wheel chair. You can only imagine the stress.

 

Last year I spent hundreds of hours studying and researching her health issues

and trying to counsel her. I was 100% responsible for all of her care, including

fixing her food. We constantly fought about what she should be eating and doing

to regain her health. One day, her resistance was just too much and I had a

meltdown. I can't remember a time in my life when I wanted to physically hurt

another person as much as I wanted to hurt her in that moment. I am ashamed to

admit this. It took days of crying, praying, meditation, and just good old deep

breathing to finally have this realization: I cannot be more invested in her

health than she is. It's really that simple. I needed to accept that she is

choosing her path, even her death. I love her and wish she was making different

choices and it is still difficult to live with someone making less than good

choices. But this is her life, not mine. My only real responsibility is to be a

good example and try to keep my thoughts, actions, and words as positive as I

can. That is my idea of good boundaries.

 

Good luck Nick.

 

Peace on earth.

 

Cheryl