Family/social pressure

[Guest guest]

Hi, Carolyn, I know what you mean about reacting to your mother's need. And it

may have been a rare occasion for you. And what I am about to share is in no way

meant to say anything to you about your experience. It just triggered some

thoughts of my own.

 

Food for my family, however, has always been a central focus. When we get

together, we eat; when we talk, we talk about food. And for my mother, her

identity is pretty much wrapped up in her cooking ability--she was always a

great cook, and that is where she has always received her strokes, so to speak.

All through my growing up years, and throughout my years as an adult, anytime I

tried to change my diet in any way, it triggered the " favorites " response in my

mother. If we came for a visit, she would pull out all the stops and make all my

absolutely favorite dishes, and serve them with " I made this just for you! " and

a plaintive look. How can you say no to your own mother???

 

Well, for the last few months, I have learned that I can, gently but firmly, say

no. I still praise her efforts, everything smells great, etc., give her a couple

of hugs, tell her I love her, and then sit down with my pile of bananas or

mangos or berries, whatever. It was hard at first, but everyone is easy with it

now. We can still talk (it's still mostly about food with my mom and sisters),

and share recipes (they are actually trying some of the smoothies I recommend),

but still it is different and less frequent. There is a whole lot more to life

than what goes in my mouth (though I don't want to belittle food's importance)

and I need to focus more on the totality of my life, not just one aspect of it.

And I have to be firm in the face of any pressure that would push me back in the

old directions.

 

Peace, Valerie

 

carimom2000 <tncnavarra wrote:

Hi Bob and Valerie,

 

The same strategy is the one I always use, even this weekend! I had

eaten my raw foods ahead of time and I brought along enough raw foods

to last the weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Valerie,

 

I know what you mean; I come from a large family (5 brothers, 2

sisters, each with families of their own now) and food plays a big

role in all family gatherings. Then I married a full blooded

Sicilian man and his family was always horrified at my veganism -

they said it ruined their gatherings!

 

When I first became vegetarian, I announced it to my family (back in

1982) and my mother promptly made me a hotdog with sauerkraut (a

favorite we shared). I looked at her and said, " No thank you " as

politely as I could. She was shocked and upset, but she got the

message and never again asked me to eat animal products.

 

Over the last 23 years, I've always taken my own food to all family

gatherings, both at my family and at my in-laws. They all long ago

got used to it (well, except my in-laws, they complained until the

day they died).

 

The only difference this time was the situation. Mom doesn't know

I'm raw - it's never come up and never seemed a worthwhile

conversation. I see her so seldom and when I do see her, we share a

love of fruit and it's never been a problem. I take my own food as

back up and share in her selection of fruits also. It's always

worked very well. This one time, she was needing us to stay and she

was needing to give something special to us. She was needing a

special moment. I decided that her time left with us is limited and

my greatest need was to give her her moment just then. I would never

compromise my veganism and I had a vegan chinese food meal. As we

ate together, I watched her and I know I gave her something very

wonderful for her and that pleases me. I suffered a bit, but I am

back on track and healing.

 

I wanted to say I understand your experience - I've totally been

there and I've held my vegan boundries against great opposition for

years now; it can be challenging.

 

Carolyn

 

 

rawfood , Valerie Mills Daly <valdaly>

wrote:

> Hi, Carolyn, I know what you mean about reacting to your mother's

need. And it may have been a rare occasion for you. And what I am

about to share is in no way meant to say anything to you about your

experience. It just triggered some thoughts of my own.

>

> Food for my family, however, has always been a central focus. When

we get together, we eat; when we talk, we talk about food. And for my

mother, her identity is pretty much wrapped up in her cooking ability-

-she was always a great cook, and that is where she has always

received her strokes, so to speak. All through my growing up years,

and throughout my years as an adult, anytime I tried to change my

diet in any way, it triggered the " favorites " response in my mother.

If we came for a visit, she would pull out all the stops and make all

my absolutely favorite dishes, and serve them with " I made this just

for you! " and a plaintive look. How can you say no to your own

mother???

>

> Well, for the last few months, I have learned that I can, gently

but firmly, say no. I still praise her efforts, everything smells

great, etc., give her a couple of hugs, tell her I love her, and then

sit down with my pile of bananas or mangos or berries, whatever. It

was hard at first, but everyone is easy with it now. We can still

talk (it's still mostly about food with my mom and sisters), and

share recipes (they are actually trying some of the smoothies I

recommend), but still it is different and less frequent. There is a

whole lot more to life than what goes in my mouth (though I don't

want to belittle food's importance) and I need to focus more on the

totality of my life, not just one aspect of it. And I have to be firm

in the face of any pressure that would push me back in the old

directions.

>

> Peace, Valerie

>

> carimom2000 <tncnavarra@a...> wrote:

> Hi Bob and Valerie,

>

> The same strategy is the one I always use, even this weekend! I

had

> eaten my raw foods ahead of time and I brought along enough raw

foods

> to last the weekend.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

23 years! Carolyn, that is amazing....and encouraging....thank you for sharing

your story.

 

Peace, Valerie

 

carimom2000 <tncnavarra wrote:

 

Over the last 23 years, I've always taken my own food to all family

gatherings, both at my family and at my in-laws. They all long ago

got used to it (well, except my in-laws, they complained until the

day they died).

 

The only difference this time was the situation. Mom doesn't know

I'm raw - it's never come up and never seemed a worthwhile

conversation. I see her so seldom and when I do see her, we share a

love of fruit and it's never been a problem. I take my own food as

back up and share in her selection of fruits also. It's always

worked very well. This one time, she was needing us to stay and she was needing

to give something special to us. She was needing a

special moment. I decided that her time left with us is limited and my greatest

need was to give her her moment just then. I would never compromise my veganism

and I had a vegan chinese food meal. As we ate together, I watched her and I

know I gave her something very wonderful for her and that pleases me. I

suffered a bit, but I am back on track and healing.