The Matrix 'Reloaded' Part 2 :)

April 27, 2005

" Not everything that is faced can be changed; But nothing can be

changed that isn't faced.. "

(James Baldwin)

Kay here;

Elchanan - Either you misunderstood what I was trying to put forth OR

I may not have created a coherent " essay " (!!) ? - I do seem to

ramble on eh?..

- So I am concerned that others may have misunderstood my message?

Because your reply was actually what I was trying to explain Re: the

subconscious/conscious and " super conscious " .

Anyway...

You may be hinting on a post about this...?

My question is..

I could lead a seminar (joke) on spirituality/mind programming;

HOWEVER I feel " thick " (now THERE is a label for you

I believe that in my subconscious there is program to fail.

(Sabotage/poor me syndrome..whatever..) This may be due to

educational experiences: I was careful not to succeed so highly in

class because the risk of victimization. My parents were not the

pushy type, so whilst free to create my own life from an early age I

was not presented with challenges to increase my confidence until I

learned to create my own.

Whether there is dietary `programming' - having lived an ancestral

life in England - I dunno?? I mean, We are not like other animals –

we have a mind to create as free-Will chooses. Like; " culinary arts "

is the term used for cooking these days!

Have we all watched " Bruce Almighty " here?.. J

Anyway..

I do not believe I can't re-program my mind, or that I am destined to

live with the same subconscious programming.

The methods I have tried in `re-programming' are..

Meditation

Silent awareness

Prayer ( " not the please God can you.. " type)

Yoga

Fasting

Walking in nature

Listening to Spiritual Masters

Reading books

and lastly - in desperation! - NLP and subconscious programming via

c.d

Now, I have some big resistance going on in my mind right now; It

isn't getting a " fix " with anything (yu'll be glad to know!) And

neither would that " work " in anycase, not even to numb the pain – I

have reached a point of " no return " it seems.. Remember, that once

upon a time I embarked on the Raw lifestyle with absolute enthusiasm

and commitment. NO cravings/side tracking with cooked foods.

If you don't mind my saying My mind is pretty " pissed off " !

The deepest grief comes through and I have at present shut everyone

and everything out of my life just to FACE facing this.

I don't care if my mind would rather be " someone else " or

have " someone else's life " or if it wants to eat a whole cake shop or

a sandwich. It WILL do as I say because I am inclined to control ..

But hey! It would be nice for some genuine respect, rather than using

willpower - It is such a denial of what's real.

- I am just giving you the mind scenario here.. Spilling the beans -

yuh know..

Tell me to quit whining, YELL at me – anything!

I have assessed it all - my life, my intentions, my passion and all

that..

THERE IS NO OTHER WAY FOR ME RIGHT NOW

As I like to say...

" Once you have taken that red pill there is NO going back! "

Wouldn't ignorance be " bliss " ?.. Not really..

I have thought of every possible route other than this; Every one

leads to a drear end of despair as I see it just now.

Besides, I don't think The Universe came to answer my prayer if I

wasn't certain this is what I desire to bring forth?..

I feel real sick, nauseous, and as cold as a cold `thing'! To face

more than a few bananas inclines me to think I may vomit and there

isn't much I would like to eat in a day. I am not ready emotionally

for a fast yet AND it all hurts.

But I think it is only a temporary hitch ! ) J

HELP! (joke)

I would like to wake up tomorrow feeling my mind committed; not

whining on to me with the same monotonous drone.

Haven't seemed to quite make a " love " formula for myself? Spoke to my

mum via the phone – she suggested I asked God to use me this week (I

told Laurie this) She said, " yuh know - it might be rescuing a spider

from the bath " (a mean feat - i live in a town flat!) J

I sure AM willing. Would be nice for the weather to warm up a bit,

but it is England – gotta accept that! I need to create some warmth

in my heart. It is there for others..

How " we " gonna get my mind to ....??

I do ALOT of watching.. but yuh know - I am all theory over here and

not exactly " walking my talk " ..

Bit limited on the p.c and with a hol' weekend coming up.. But I will

be looking out for replies. I wanna say I am worth it actually!

(ahhh) Just because it would nice to BE used (useful) instead of

feeling like negative drain on society..

In empathy with anyone who is following this and relates..

- I write from my heart.

One love in flow x

Namaste

Kay

April 27, 2005

Can we chat on other topics in a personal email Kay?

April allhaul

rawfood [rawfood ] On Behalf

Of korangeli

Wednesday, April 27, 2005 9:44 AM

rawfood

[Raw Food] The Matrix 'Reloaded' Part 2