Looking for Friends' communication suggestions - input sought

[Guest guest]

Hello all!

 

I'm looking for some suggestions/guidance about communicating with

a very long-time friend.

 

quick situation: we have company coming in tomorrow from NJ; he's my

best friend for over 36 years. We've done lots of things together

over the years: gone on vacations together, watched each others kids

grow up, etc..etc..and my wife and I describe both of them, my friend

and his wife, as one of the few couples that we both like, and get

along with, both halves of the couple.

 

Unfortunately, many of our " activities " together have revolved around

non-healthy choices, specifically drinking, frequently past the point

of excess, and gluttonous eating out.

The eating out part I've taken care of by calling the restaurant

ahead of time (and delightfully, found that the pastry chef is a

vegan, has been a raw food person, and she'd be happy to fix me

something...).

 

I've got no problem with not drinking, since I'm not now, and haven't

been for over 3 months, and I haven't missed it much....I'm just a

little stuck around how to communicate the lifestyle change, and I

want to make sure, if at all possible, that it does *not* come across

as alienating. I'm not really looking for his/their support or

approval, and I would like particularly, his, acceptance and maybe

some understanding. In other words, I'd like it not to be an issue

between us. (and see above for one of the " bases " of our

relationship... Nor do I want the focus of this weekend to be my

lifestyle change. I'm happy to discss it, if asked, and still don't

want it to be the sole focus. (do have other activities planned: like

a canoe trip amongst the alligators....should keep our minds off

lifestyle choices!)

 

We see this couple maybe 1-2x/year, and plan to attend one of their

children's weddings in the Fall.

 

Has anyone encountered this, and how did you handle it?

 

All input appreciated. Thank you.

 

all the best,

 

Bob

[Guest guest]

Bob,

I am sure that as friends this can be worked out nicely...

 

Do you expect them to be against your new lifestyle? Maybe they will be

interested enough to ask questions and who knows your continued adherance to

your lifestyle with your old time friends might just give them the boost they

need to make a change too.

 

If they are TRUE friends as they sound then I should think they will maybe tease

a bit (as friends do) but then once seeing you are serious ..that they would

either drop the subject or ask more questions with interest,...

 

Just be gentle and kind... and change the suject to something all agree on if it

gets kind of hot...

 

Good luck to you both and keep us posted.... but I am sure everything will go

just great!!

 

Hey, people grow up right?? and all the drinking and such gets old after

awhile.... you ahve found a new way to be happy and enjoy life... let this shine

in your meeting with old friends.

 

Bob Farrell <rjf2 wrote:

 

Hello all!

 

I'm looking for some suggestions/guidance about communicating with

a very long-time friend.

 

quick situation: we have company coming in tomorrow from NJ; he's my

best friend for over 36 years. We've done lots of things together

over the years: gone on vacations together, watched each others kids

grow up, etc..etc..and my wife and I describe both of them, my friend

and his wife, as one of the few couples that we both like, and get

along with, both halves of the couple.

 

Unfortunately, many of our " activities " together have revolved around

non-healthy choices, specifically drinking, frequently past the point

of excess, and gluttonous eating out.

The eating out part I've taken care of by calling the restaurant

ahead of time (and delightfully, found that the pastry chef is a

vegan, has been a raw food person, and she'd be happy to fix me

something...).

 

I've got no problem with not drinking, since I'm not now, and haven't

been for over 3 months, and I haven't missed it much....I'm just a

little stuck around how to communicate the lifestyle change, and I

want to make sure, if at all possible, that it does *not* come across

as alienating. I'm not really looking for his/their support or

approval, and I would like particularly, his, acceptance and maybe

some understanding. In other words, I'd like it not to be an issue

between us. (and see above for one of the " bases " of our

relationship... Nor do I want the focus of this weekend to be my

lifestyle change. I'm happy to discss it, if asked, and still don't

want it to be the sole focus. (do have other activities planned: like

a canoe trip amongst the alligators....should keep our minds off

lifestyle choices!)

 

We see this couple maybe 1-2x/year, and plan to attend one of their

children's weddings in the Fall.

 

Has anyone encountered this, and how did you handle it?

 

All input appreciated. Thank you.

 

all the best,

 

Bob