Succeeding with RF on My Alkaline life!

[Guest guest]

4. What's a " yonk? "

> Best,

> Elchanan

 

Sorry, this is a silly slang english expression for " in a long time " !

 

I know it seems unbelievable, but I have been working on facing

issues almost full-time over the past few years. I had nothing and

noone to divert me; OTHER than the comencing sabotaging behaviour.

This originally began in partial *Fear of being pushed into hospital

again. (*False Evidence Appearing As Real)

Sometimes I miss the point with all my DOING. I have read many

spiritual and self help books and wrote things down. I have observed

myself and other people and know everything about my TRICKS! Yet my

mind has still ailed me.

YES - I know you are right. Food and " when i am this, that or there.. "

will not bring me joy.

 

Still; it is only now that I truly - truly - truly want to see the end

of sabotaging behaviour.

" Anorexia " is apparently 'stuborn' and difficult to understand. And

whilst I use this label lightly; Amongst those i have met it is looked

upon as a kinda " friend " to retreat into when there is no

other 'comfort' from harshness. In facing THAT, I have gotten into an

even bigger mess with food!

I am consistantly making positive changes NOW.

Thank you for your coments.

 

I understand the complete destructive/drug habit of an enema. . But I

cannot turn back the clock. I began with living foods and this school

advocates it.

The " illness " began in the mind until the body became sick and then one

justifies a bad habit or a manifestation of a problem.

As I see healing; One doesnt see a problem to fix but sees only the

real self.

It is very hard to keep saying " this gut problem is NOT real " and

therefore not TREAT it, because it hurts with every moment of my day.

When I have attempted to go through without the " fix " I have felt i

would end up in hospital - like 'something' would happen? You cannot

know what scale i am talking on here..

I havent been able to work. If I go more than a few days without an

enema i am " screaming " ; in bed, very sick and refuse to eat. By 5-6

days i feel suicidal and then I 'snap'; Going past this day has lead me

to binge in sheer frustration and anger.

But I ALWAYS make conscious decisions even when they do not suit my

highest values. Is this at least a start?..

After fasting the pain has intensified during the first re-feeding week.

Nothing improved, but then I did have these huge gaps in knowing how

to eat " correctly " . Consistancy will be the key I believe..

 

I AM someone who has a tendancy to interfer and I have done all along

with regret. I believe this can change. This is my year for it.

Fasting can be seen as a drug - but it helps me to really face myself

and quit interfering. I take your point though - It wont bring me

health on its own.

 

I usually do take mono meals when I eat this way, except for the salad.

Salads donot consist of purreed items. I use 1-2

fruit 'veg'whole/chopped

I have a tendancy to confuse/stress over mixing, hence my query about

the strawberry/banana smoothie previously. I just wanted to try

something new. Eating has not as relaxing as one should find it

Today I am back on mono banana meals. I had a couple of pears and a

bowl of mixed greens, thats all - simple.

 

You cannot know the LEVEL of support this is bringing. This morning's

emotions could have lead me to a whole day of self analysation and

denial of peace. I have felt so alone and isolated in this. Things are

changing rapidly

Namaste

Kay