RE: Transitioning: Family matters (WAS: soap & hand washing) [s]

[Guest guest]

rawfood On Behalf Of tncnavarra Sunday,

April 17, 2005 1:17 PM [Raw Food] Re: soap & hand washing

My question is for everyone who has removed soaps from your life.

 

I have never been an excessive hand washer, but my husband is. When I talk

 

of changing over our household and cleaning with lemon, he is fine, but he

says he must have hand and body soap. He just made one of our daughters

feel

bad about hand washing and made her go wash with soap. The girls and I use

 

minimal soap and would like to eliminate it.

 

Any ideas on how to satisfy my husband's concerns? Especially regarding

hand washing after playing outside, after using the bathroom, after playing

with

our pets, etc?

_____

Oh Carolyn, you've brought back memories from another part of my life.

During the 1970s, I cofounded a program to teach/train severely handicapped

adults to be computer programmers. The program was based in a public

university that had never accommodated handicapped people before, other than

hearing vision. So when we began enrolling quadriplegics, people with severe

CP, etc., we had to create an attendant care program, that is, people to

provide basic assistance to our residential trainees. And students from the

university-at-large were the obvious choice.

 

Then I made one of those mistakes you never foresee and kick yourself for

later. I invited the nursing school to " help train " these attendants. Our

trainees needed bowel and bladder care and some other rather significant

support. And I shall never forget the first training session, when one of

the nursing school faculty got up and spent more than 1/2 hour lecturing

about the washing of hands. I kid you not, they were so out of touch with

reality, I just hoped and prayed that I didn't lose half my student

attendants. Luckily, they all stayed.

 

Throughout all of western culture, there is an almost universally held

belief in " germ theory. " Underlying this belief is the more basic notion

that our species is at war with Nature, that we are under constant attack by

creatures (germs, viruses) and forces of Nature (even our own genes!), and

that we have to protect ourselves (quarantines, vaccination, sterilization,

hand washing, rubber gloves, rubber duckies), destroy the enemy

(antibiotics, chemotherapy, radiation), or in the event all that fails, find

ways to suppress the symptoms until a real " cure " is found (antihistamines,

decongestants, antacids, analgesics, antifungal sprays and savs, creams,

oils, deodorants, all manner of scented products, and so on).

 

Germ theory was invented/concocted by Louis Pasteur (as in pasteurize)

during the first half of the 1800s. On his death bed, Pasteur recanted, he

realized he was just plain wrong. But no one listened, the Paris medical

establishment had its enemy, they weren't about to let go. And to this day,

this theory that has never been proved correct since its creation more than

a century and a half ago, reigns supreme in the minds of medical authorities

everywhere. They see infection lurking behind every tissue box and on every

door handle, if you get my drift...they quite literally live in fear of

their own environment.

 

I am going into all this background so that you, Carolyn, and anyone else

who finds him/herself in a similar situation can begin by standing in the

other person's shoes. All their life, that person has been taught to believe

in the presence of " germs " and in the washing of hands and other

prophylactic practices. All their life, they have been taught to fear

Nature, and even to fear parts of their own body.

 

And now here you are, letting the germs out of the bag by refusing to use

scum (a.k.a., soap) to " clean " or " sanitize " or " disinfect " or whatever. You

have, inadvertently, and with no malice of forethought, launched a

full-scale attack on the very core of what your husband believes creates

safety in his life AND in yours and your children's. In all likelihood, this

represents a huge threat from his perspective, and one almost

incomprehensible from yours.

 

From my own perspective, I would love to see us pass on to our children's

generation a different perspective, a different relationship with Nature.

And from our private conversations, I know that you feel similarly.

 

So I begin by suggesting some things NOT to do:

 

- Don't argue or let this become a power struggle in front of your children.

 

- Don't suggest you children that they ever hide anything from their father

or otherwise behave deceitfully.

- Don't try to convince him through logical argument, scientific evidence,

etc. Don't even fall for your own temptation to ask him to name one person

who has EVER been diagnosed with ANYTHING as a result of failure to wash

hands.

 

As for what TO do, that is more difficult, because none of us is inside your

home or knows your family dynamics. But it seems to me that the solution

lies in compassionate communication, in helping him express his real,

underlying fear(s) or concerns and the needs he associates with them. For

example,, he may be afraid of getting sick and have a need to be fully

functional at work. Or he may be afraid you will get sick and ask him to

stay home with the children, missing work. Or he may fear that the children

will get sick, and so on.

 

Once he can express these things, then there is a potential opening to

address them. For example, you might suggest an experiment -- let you and

the girls try it your way for 60 days and see what happens. Then, when no

one becomes " sick " as a result, he may realize what is happening and begin

to shift. And perhaps compromise a bit, wash hands with soap before eating

during those 60 days, something like that.

 

For some reason, " experiments " seem to be wondrous teaching tools. That's

why I sometimes suggest them in this group.

 

More another time if you like,

Elchanan

 

 

 

 

 

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