vegans and adoption

July 3, 2009

Lots of discussion on the topic of bringing new children into the world versus adopting. I didn’t chime in sooner because all of these posts have brought up many emotions for me and I wanted to wait for them to subside so I could comment a little more objectively (though I know I have my biases). Most of what I want to say, will probably get me flamed…

I have not done research as others have, who can quote on population growth, etc. All I can comment on is my experiences and my professional work and my feelings and viewpoints and what I have observed in the veg*n community. I’m also making the assumption that whoever is reading this, has read all the posts on “breeding” as I don’t have the time to copy and paste everyone’s quotes.

I’ll start off by saying, I am an ethical vegan and animal activist. I am an Adoptions and Foster Care Social Worker. The majority of my closest friends, who are like family to me, have birth children, whom I love dearly. I am not a parent (maybe at some point I will be, maybe I won’t, but that’s not the point here.) My life pretty much revolves around helping children and animals.

I am not trying to point fingers, but my observations have been that, collectively, too many in the animal rights movement appear very judgemental towards people who, as many say, are “breeders” and as another poster said, it seems are so “anti-children.” And sure, I admit, I have used the term “breeder” before. But I try to catch myself as it has such a negative connotation as we all use it to talk about those dog and cat “breeders” whom we “hate.” So, I agree, as someone else on the list said, the discussion that has been going around, can be very hurtful to those who have birth children. And I do believe the word “breeder” can be used to insight negativity. I appreciate those recent comments people have made to counter the negativity that has been brought up with these posts.

For a while, I have honestly wondered, if I chose to birth a child or even adopt one, if I would get the support every parent needs, from the animal rights/veg*n community. And that makes me really sad… (But I would have my so-called “breeder” friends…)

While I have chosen to work for very little money (and have a considerable amount of student loan debt) in order to better the lives of children and families, mainly to get children out of foster care through adoption, and to maintain those adoptive placements, I do not pass judgement on those who choose to have families through birth.

In the almost 15 years I have been doing social work, I have seen considerably more families coming to adopt as a “second choice” so to speak, i.e. due to infertility issues, etc. I see much less adoption based on altruistic or environmental motivations. To me, that shows how much there is a biological and societal drive to birth children.

I wish there were more people who chose adoption as a first option and I especially wish there were more vegans who are adopting and fostering. I have taken part in creating some wonderful adoptive families and I am, obviously a huge advocate for adoption. And while one of my goals in life is to work towards getting children out of foster care, and I am in no way trying to dissuade anyone on this list from considering adoption, I want to make some points.

Even though I am an adoptions professional, I am the first to admit, adoption is not for everyone, including ethical vegans. Nor should it be. I have seen too many adoptive placements fail, i.e. the child ended up back in foster care or in a group home/residential treatment center or even worse, the child is in the adoptive home and is continuously “emotionally abused,” yet not enough to warrant removal of the child. Yes, many a time it was because of the adults, but more often than not, it is the emotional and behavioral problems of the children that came to be more than the adoptive parents could handle.

PLEASE, if anyone out there is considering adoption, please do your research and go beyond what you learn in your required classes. Get educated. Get social support. Network with other adoptive parents, vegan and non-vegan. And LET GO of your expectations.

Adopting children, especially older children, from the foster care system is not always what you expect. Children who have experienced abuse and/or neglect, children exposed to alcohol or drugs in-utero, those who have been in numerous placements, and experienced numerous losses, need a LOT more than just love and a loving vegan home. These children can have serious emotional and behavioral issues.

Like I said, while I am in no way discouraging people from adopting children out of foster care, and I commend those who are doing it, I am just cautioning that it is not the right decision for everyone and may not be what you expected. Absolutely, there are good outcomes and you can have a happy adoptive (vegan) family, but there may be more challenges than you ever expected, depending on the history and needs of your adopted child. (And of course, yes, similar things can be said of having birth children.)

Adopting a child means loving, accepting and being there for that child/children, forever. As we call it in the adoption community, you are their “forever family.” And keep in mind that means even if that child ends up a meat-eater…

Also another thing to keep in mind is, because of all the losses and life experiences a child in the foster care system has had, the transition of making a child a vegan, may be more challenging than you thought. A child who only knows fast food, junk food, has never seen a vegetable, may refuse to eat your healthy vegan dinner. They may have good memories of a certain animal product food that say, a former foster parent fed them, that will be very hard for them to give up. Another loss, as trivial as it seems to us, is still another loss for an abused or neglected child.

Transitioning a child to a vegan diet, can be done. I could not advocate for a child to continue to eat the Standard American Diet, or animal products, but it will take a lot of creativity on your part, you may get slack from your social worker (if it’s not me!), and it may be frustrating.

That all being said, please do consider adoption, just keep in mind some of what I said.

Just my thoughts and professional experience. I expect others to not agree…

Melissa