(No subject)

[Guest guest]

This is not meant to offend anyone. Just thought it

was funny that's all. Hope you do too.

 

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

__________________________

 

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and

a note explaining that you think he could stand to

lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and

write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away

for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your

plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer

with plastic replicas. Then wait and see what happens

when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you

think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red

cape, wait until he sees Santa.

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof,

holding signs that say " We hate Christmas, " and " Go

away Santa. "

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that

Mrs. Claus called and wanted him to know the sinks

backed up again.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down

the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the

strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in

it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him

that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and

take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of

milk out, with a note that says, " For The Tooth

Fairy. " Leave another plate out with half a stale

cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass

with a note that says, " For Santa. "

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just

been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like

a policeman and say, " Well, well. They always return

to the scene of the crime. "

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with

last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the

chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where

Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, " Ooh!

Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose! " and fire a

gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved.

Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions

to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait

for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that

you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a

red bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint " hoof-prints " all over your face and

clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof.

When he comes back up, act like you've been

" trampled. " Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with

Easter eggs.

20. Get a huge gun and dress up like the Easter Bunny.

Wait for Santa to come, spit and then say, " This

neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us! "

 

 

=====

Johnny's Grandma had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a Pilgrim

family on their way to church.

 

When she showed it to Johnny she said, " The Pilgrim children like to go to

church with their mothers and fathers. "

 

" Oh, yeah, Grandma? " replied Johnny. " Then why is their daddy carrying that

rifle? "

 

____________________

Post your free ad now! http://personals..ca