if only i had been born an f-22 fighter...

[Guest guest]

The Bushmen's concern for kids

Stephanie Salter

Wednesday, February 6, 2002

C2002 San Francisco Chronicle

 

URL:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/02/06/ED2

14691.DTL

 

 

NOW THAT the Bush administration has taken the tarp off its proposed 2003

budget, I've got one piece of advice for all you children of the future:

 

Stay in the womb as long as you can.

 

For starters, it's the only place where you'll command any real attention --

 

let alone value -- from George W. In addition, compared to the nasty world

out here that the Bushmen are determined to construct, even the most

negligent mom's inner landscape could look like a lazy day at the beach.

 

As long as you are surrounded by amniotic fluid -- if you've simply begun to

subdivide and consist solely of a dozen cells -- you'll have health

insurance. That's a lot more than 40 million Americans (almost 11 million of

them actual children) can say.

 

Tommy Thompson, Secretary of Health and Human Services, created this

insurance coverage last week. Continuing the administration's clever end-run

around Congress and the judiciary, Thompson bestowed personhood on zygotes

and other " pre-born " beings by making them eligible for medical care in

CHIP, the Children's Health Insurance Program.

 

In his announcement (at the annual convention of the Conservative Political

Action Conference; what a coincidence), Thompson waxed poetic about how

crucial prenatal care is -- as if this were breaking news and not something

that advocates for poor women and kids have preached for 30 years.

 

With the straightest of faces, he explained that this new coverage would be

faster to implement than an already-existing waiver process that covers

pregnant women under CHIP. Why Thompson did a 180 on the waivers is a

mystery; until last week, he regularly ballyhooed the speed at which HHS

grants such waivers.

 

Meanwhile, as I said, outside the womb it will be a cold world.

 

Although it was difficult to discern from Bush's oft-opaque (no,

obfuscatory) budget language, post-born American children had better hope

for the following:

 

They never get sick; their parents will never need job protection or

training; they live in a region in which the weather makes housing

unnecessary.

 

The 2003 Bush budget calls for the first of 10 annual $708 million cuts to

teaching hospitals. What are teaching hospitals? They are places where

medical students learn and poor folks tend to gravitate. San Francisco

General and the Veteran's Administration hospital in San Francisco are just

two.

 

On top of that, Bush asked for a 30 percent cut ($85 million) from a 3-year-

old program that funds medical training at hospitals that specialize in the

care of -- I swear -- children.

 

Given his way, $856 million (7 percent) of the Labor Department's budget

will be history. Taking big hits: the National Institute for Occupational

Safety and Health ($29 million), the Occupational Safety and Health

Administration ($9 million) and a variety of job training programs.

 

Then there's shelter. To help finance our eternal war on terrorism and

Bush's beloved tax cuts for the wealthy and institutionally incorporated,

the 2003 budget calls for a $382 million whack out of public housing.

Another $417 million is targeted for death from the capital fund that

provides money for public housing repairs, as is $268 million from Community

Development Block Grants.

 

As for kids whose families aren't poor enough to require public housing but

can't afford to pay their heating bills, they'd better suck it up, too. Bush

wants a 15 percent cut ($300 million) from the Low-Income Home Energy

Assistance Program.

 

Come to think of it, maybe there's a better option for future children than

staying in the womb. They should figure out a way to turn themselves into

F-22 fighter jets, AC-130U gunships or Hellfire anti-attack missiles.

Included in the commander-in-chief's $378.6 billion allotment for the

Pentagon is $70 billion for " weapons procurement " alone. If a kid can't stay

in the womb or turn herself into a fighter jet, she will have this

inheritance to look forward to: a $2.6 trillion national debt by 2012.

 

Stephanie Salter's column appears Wednesdays and Sundays. E-mail her at

ssalter