I am what I am and it's not a choice

[Guest guest]

Peterson Toscano After spending money and travelling the world in an effort to "choose not to be gay", Toscano began to embrace his homosexuality and realised it is not a choice Being gay myself, many folks consider me an expert on all things gay. Did Alexander the great have a male lover? What does the Bible say about homosexuality? For my bay window, should I use lace or chintz curtains? As a gay theatrical performance activist, the most common question I get is: “how old are you?” Such a rude question, but completely understandable because of my wild past including the 17-year quest to transform myself into a heterosexual with side trips to Zambia, England, and Ecuador plus a five year marriage. They look at my fresh, young face and wonder 'how did you do all that?' I

explain that I am a 42-year-old, non-smoking vegan who moisturizes (It is never too young to start!). The second most common question I get is: “do people choose to be gay?” When someone is romantically and sexually attracted to someone of the same-sex, is this nature or nurture? Genetics or a mere whim? This is a scientific question, best left to scientists. No one knows for sure although researchers have amassed a body of evidence that points to biological factors leading to a same-sex orientation. One recent study by J. Michael Bailey at Boston’s Northeastern University revealed that among identical twin brothers, if one is gay, the other has a 52 per cent chance of being gay. (Fraternal twins show a 22 per cent chance while brothers who are not twins and do not share the same genetic code show only an 11 per cent chance of both being gay). According to a 1997 Canadian study, Anthony Bogaert of Brock University in St.

Catharines discovered that the more brothers in a family, the higher the chance that the youngest ones will be gay. No one has yet discovered the “gay gene”, but, then again, scientists have yet to discover a gene that causes some people to be left-handed. Human sexuality is highly complex. We all start out in the womb as female, and then mom’s body puts some of us through a hormonal rinse cycle, which turns us male. With such a complicated transition who can say if all humans are 100 per cent male or female. Scientifically speaking we determine someone’s sex according to many factors, not simply the bits between our legs. But I stray into murky embryonic waters. Back to choice. Did I choose to be gay? Yes, on September 21, 1972 in 2nd grade (age 11) I said to myself: “Although most people treat gays like crap and only heterosexuality is represented and celebrated in my world, from this time forth I choose to like other

boys instead of girls. Sure others will bully me, maybe even beat me up, but hey someone’s got to be society’s punching bag." Actually, no, I never chose to be gay. In fact, for nearly two decades I even tried choosing NOT to be gay. Growing up I knew I was different from the other boys around me. When puberty hit and all my male friends went crazy for girls while I went crazy for my male friends, I understood the difference—I was gay, a homo, a queer, a faggot. From messages I heard on the playground, in the media and at church, I determined gays are sinful and abnormal. Instead I wanted to be a good boy. So, at the age of 17 after giving my heart (and the rest of me) to Jesus, I embarked on a journey to straighten myself out. I spent 17 years and over $30,000 USD on three continents attempting to change or at least suppress my same-sex attractions. I discovered the Ex-Gay Movement, which promises that homosexuals can live gay-free

lives. I reasoned that if being gay were a choice, a product of a dysfunctional upbringing in the midst of a lost and dying world, than surely with the power of God and the guidance of ex-gay ministers, I could “un-choose” being gay or at least choose the right thing for a change. No surprise, it didn't work. Change was not possible, at least not a change in sexual orientation. But through the years of trying I did change. I became suicidal, filled with shame and self-loathing. The ex-gay process left me depleted, discouraged and depressed. It caused emotional, psychological and spiritual harm. No, I never chose my same-sex attractions. Also, after I came to my senses and came out of the closet, I did not choose to be “gay”—to act gay according to the current standards and stereotypes presented in both the gay and straight media. Instead I chose to be authentic, to no longer demonise my sexuality, to integrate my faith with the rest of my life. I

did choose to be a Christian, a Quaker, a vegan and an activist, but I never chose to be gay. Post this article to Digg del.icio.us newsvine NowPublic Shoutwire Reddit 7 comments from readers report this comment Nazim 20 July 2007 "I did choose to be a Christian, a Quaker, a vegan and an activist, but I never chose to be gay" That's a powerful and inspiring statement. It seems like a long way to go to realise you are who you are, and that you can't change that and nobody else can change you either. You never hear of people saying "I don't want

to be straight anymore, I wan't to be normal, i want to be gay". report this comment Zeke 20 July 2007 Very good commentary. One little, actually MAJOR, correction. You said, "We all start out in the womb as female, and then mom’s body puts some of us through a hormonal rinse cycle," That is simply not true. Genetically, but for rare exceptions (Klinefelter’s Syndrome – XXY, XXXY, etc.), the vast majority of us start out, from the moment of conception, as either XX (female) or XY (male) depending on if an X or Y chromosome-bearing sperm is the one that fertilizes the egg. So technically it's the father not the mother that determines the genetic sex of the baby. It's the Y chromosome, and not the mother's body, that puts males "through the hormonal rinse cycle" and causes some fetuses to develop male characteristics.

It does seem that the mother’s hormones DO have an affect on the sexual orientation and peripheral sexual characteristics of an individual but NOT on the sex of him/her. Other than that one misstatement your commentary was right on. report this comment Douglas Chalmers 20 July 2007 Zeke, I think PT was trying to explain that males are genetically actually a female variant (quite opposite to the biblical 'male agenda'). "When someone is romantically and sexually attracted to someone of the same-sex, is this nature or nurture...", though, this might well be as much hormonal as PT suggests and nothing is going to change that in people who are so disposed. Thus, it (their homo- or bi-sexuality) is simply a normal variant in the species. One only has to research this with

women to find that child-rearing is not the main hormonal stimulus for some. For others, just being around babies and young children is a powerful stimulus and encouragement to pro-create. That is expressly hormonal stimulation. Perhaps the most unusual person is the one who is impelled to savagely criticise or censor others and one wonders just what kind of 'abnormal' hormone stimulation they find in such selfish aggression and suppression of others? report this comment realman 21 July 2007 Some people can choose to come out of homosexuality and completely change their sexual orientation. Change is possible. Dr. Robert Spitzer of Columbia University in NYC stated such in his 2003 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. Change is Possible. For more information about change, go to www.pathinfo.org. report this comment exgaysurvivordan 21 July 2007 Spitzer's study consisted of a 45 minute honor-system telephone interview with each participant. The study participants were almost exclusively referred to Spitzer through their former conversion therapists and nearly a quarter the study participants make their living working for exgay groups (including some who work as political lobbyists such as Alan Chambers and Randy Thomas). The Spitzer Study is a methodological joke and proves nothing and frankly PATH knows better than to misrepresent the study. ExGayWatch, a group that tracks and monitors the exgay movement produced a video explaining the flaws in the Spitzer Study which may be viewed here:

report this comment TallDavid 21 July 2007 Realman, why should a gay man want to change to be straight? This only makes sense if you come from a belief system based in the worship of a bigoted sky god. To turn the question around to illustrate what is wrong with your attitude is turn your statement around thus: "Some people can choose to come out of heterosexuality and completely change their sexual orientation. Change is possible." Try it, it's fun. Don't be scared. Leave your pitiful belief in a sky god (who quite frankly is not worthy of anyone worshipping) behind you. Free your mind. report this comment itzallan 21 July 2007 "To turn the

question around to illustrate what is wrong with your attitude is turn your statement around thus: 'Some people can choose to come out of heterosexuality and completely change their sexual orientation. Change is possible.'" FINALLY, someone expresses the major point about trying to change sexual orientation!Peter H

 

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[Guest guest]

I didn't read, but I've already heard about Peterson Toscano and his ex-ex-gay ministry. If someone in this forum is gay he will surely confirm that he didn't choose to be this way. Our testimonies together are the real proof that being gay is not a choice, as weel as being straight. I'm just 16 and worry a lot about my life when I be an adult. But things will happen in their proper time. I don't care about anything right now. I just wish I could date a boy without having to leave church, without being ostracized by my family, etc. The prejudice nonstr8 people face is horrible. All of us have difficulties in life. I gotta face mine, while others face theirs. Silas, Vitoria, Brazil. Peter VV

<swpgh01.t21 escreveu: Peterson Toscano After spending money and travelling the world in an effort to "choose not to be gay", Toscano began to embrace his homosexuality and realised it is not a choice Being gay myself, many folks consider me an expert on all things gay. Did Alexander the great have a male lover? What does the Bible say about homosexuality? For my bay window, should I use lace or chintz curtains? As a gay theatrical performance activist, the most common question I get is: “how old are you?” Such a rude question, but completely understandable because of my wild past including the 17-year quest to transform myself into

a heterosexual with side trips to Zambia, England, and Ecuador plus a five year marriage. They look at my fresh, young face and wonder 'how did you do all that?' I explain that I am a 42-year-old, non-smoking vegan who moisturizes (It is never too young to start!). The second most common question I get is: “do people choose to be gay?” When someone is romantically and sexually attracted to someone of the same-sex, is this nature or nurture? Genetics or a mere whim? This is a scientific question, best left to scientists. No one knows for sure although researchers have amassed a body of evidence that points to biological factors leading to a same-sex orientation. One recent study by J. Michael Bailey at Boston’s Northeastern University revealed that among identical twin brothers, if one is gay, the other has a 52 per cent chance of being gay. (Fraternal twins show a 22 per cent chance while brothers who are not twins and do

not share the same genetic code show only an 11 per cent chance of both being gay). According to a 1997 Canadian study, Anthony Bogaert of Brock University in St. Catharines discovered that the more brothers in a family, the higher the chance that the youngest ones will be gay. No one has yet discovered the “gay gene”, but, then again, scientists have yet to discover a gene that causes some people to be left-handed. Human sexuality is highly complex. We all start out in the womb as female, and then mom’s body puts some of us through a hormonal rinse cycle, which turns us male. With such a complicated transition who can say if all humans are 100 per cent male or female. Scientifically speaking we determine someone’s sex according to many factors, not simply the bits between our legs. But I stray into murky embryonic waters. Back to choice. Did I choose to be gay? Yes, on September 21, 1972 in 2nd grade (age 11) I said to

myself: “Although most people treat gays like crap and only heterosexuality is represented and celebrated in my world, from this time forth I choose to like other boys instead of girls. Sure others will bully me, maybe even beat me up, but hey someone’s got to be society’s punching bag." Actually, no, I never chose to be gay. In fact, for nearly two decades I even tried choosing NOT to be gay. Growing up I knew I was different from the other boys around me. When puberty hit and all my male friends went crazy for girls while I went crazy for my male friends, I understood the difference—I was gay, a homo, a queer, a faggot. From messages I heard on the playground, in the media and at church, I determined gays are sinful and abnormal. Instead I wanted to be a good boy. So, at the age of 17 after giving my heart (and the rest of me) to Jesus, I embarked on a journey to straighten myself out. I spent 17 years and over $30,000 USD on three

continents attempting to change or at least suppress my same-sex attractions. I discovered the Ex-Gay Movement, which promises that homosexuals can live gay-free lives. I reasoned that if being gay were a choice, a product of a dysfunctional upbringing in the midst of a lost and dying world, than surely with the power of God and the guidance of ex-gay ministers, I could “un-choose” being gay or at least choose the right thing for a change. No surprise, it didn't work. Change was not possible, at least not a change in sexual orientation. But through the years of trying I did change. I became suicidal, filled with shame and self-loathing. The ex-gay process left me depleted, discouraged and depressed. It caused emotional, psychological and spiritual harm. No, I never chose my same-sex attractions. Also, after I came to my senses and came out of the closet, I did not choose to be “gay”—to act gay according to the current standards and stereotypes

presented in both the gay and straight media. Instead I chose to be authentic, to no longer demonise my sexuality, to integrate my faith with the rest of my life. I did choose to be a Christian, a Quaker, a vegan and an activist, but I never chose to be gay. Post this article to Digg del.icio.us newsvine NowPublic Shoutwire Reddit 7 comments from readers report this comment Nazim 20 July 2007 "I did choose to be a Christian, a Quaker, a vegan and an activist, but I never chose to be gay" That's a powerful and inspiring statement. It seems like a long way to go to realise you are who

you are, and that you can't change that and nobody else can change you either. You never hear of people saying "I don't want to be straight anymore, I wan't to be normal, i want to be gay". report this comment Zeke 20 July 2007 Very good commentary. One little, actually MAJOR, correction. You said, "We all start out in the womb as female, and then mom’s body puts some of us through a hormonal rinse cycle," That is simply not true. Genetically, but for rare exceptions (Klinefelter’s Syndrome – XXY, XXXY, etc.), the vast majority of us start out, from the moment of conception, as either XX (female) or XY (male) depending on if an X or Y chromosome-bearing sperm is the one that fertilizes the egg. So technically it's the father not the mother that determines the genetic sex of the baby. It's the

Y chromosome, and not the mother's body, that puts males "through the hormonal rinse cycle" and causes some fetuses to develop male characteristics. It does seem that the mother’s hormones DO have an affect on the sexual orientation and peripheral sexual characteristics of an individual but NOT on the sex of him/her. Other than that one misstatement your commentary was right on. report this comment Douglas Chalmers 20 July 2007 Zeke, I think PT was trying to explain that males are genetically actually a female variant (quite opposite to the biblical 'male agenda'). "When someone is romantically and sexually attracted to someone of the same-sex, is this nature or nurture...", though, this might well be as much hormonal as PT suggests and nothing is going to change that in people who are so

disposed. Thus, it (their homo- or bi-sexuality) is simply a normal variant in the species. One only has to research this with women to find that child-rearing is not the main hormonal stimulus for some. For others, just being around babies and young children is a powerful stimulus and encouragement to pro-create. That is expressly hormonal stimulation. Perhaps the most unusual person is the one who is impelled to savagely criticise or censor others and one wonders just what kind of 'abnormal' hormone stimulation they find in such selfish aggression and suppression of others? report this comment realman 21 July 2007 Some people can choose to come out of homosexuality and completely change their sexual orientation. Change is possible. Dr. Robert Spitzer of Columbia University in NYC stated

such in his 2003 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. Change is Possible. For more information about change, go to www.pathinfo.org. report this comment exgaysurvivordan 21 July 2007 Spitzer's study consisted of a 45 minute honor-system telephone interview with each participant. The study participants were almost exclusively referred to Spitzer through their former conversion therapists and nearly a quarter the study participants make their living working for exgay groups (including some who work as political lobbyists such as Alan Chambers and Randy Thomas). The Spitzer Study is a methodological joke and proves nothing and frankly PATH knows better than to misrepresent the study. ExGayWatch, a group that tracks and monitors the exgay movement produced a video explaining the flaws in the Spitzer Study which may

be viewed here:

report this comment TallDavid 21 July 2007 Realman, why should a gay man want to change to be straight? This only makes sense if you come from a belief system based in the worship of a bigoted sky god. To turn the question around to illustrate what is wrong with your attitude is turn your statement around thus: "Some people can choose to come out of heterosexuality and completely change their sexual orientation. Change is possible." Try it, it's fun. Don't be scared. Leave your pitiful belief in a sky god (who quite frankly is not worthy of anyone worshipping) behind you. Free your mind. report this comment itzallan 21 July 2007 "To turn the question around to illustrate what is wrong with your attitude is turn your statement around thus: 'Some people can choose to come out of heterosexuality and completely change their sexual orientation. Change is possible.'" FINALLY, someone expresses the major point about trying to change sexual orientation! Peter H Mail is the world's favourite email. Don't settle for less, sign up for your free account today.

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