wonder drug

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Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies

March 6, 2006 | Issue 42·10

 

NEW YORK-The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of

the drug PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to

treat chronic distrust of large prescription-drug manufacturers.

 

Pfizer executives characterized the FDA's approval as a " godsend " for

sufferers of independent-thinking-related mental-health disorders.

 

PharmAmorin, now relieving distrust of large pharmaceutical

conglomerates in pharmacies nationwide.

" Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug

makers that is found in healthy people, such as myself, " Pfizer CEO

Hank McKinnell said. " These tragic disorders are reaching epidemic

levels, and as a company dedicated to promoting the health, well-being,

and long life of our company's public image, it was imperative that we

did something to combat them. "

 

Although many psychotropic drugs impart a generalized feeling of

well-being, PharmAmorin is the first to induce and focus intense

feelings of affection externally, toward for-profit drug makers. Pfizer

representatives say that, if taken regularly, PharmAmorin can increase

affection for and trust in its developers by as much as 96.5 percent.

 

" Out of a test group of 180, 172 study participants reported a dramatic

rise in their passion for pharmaceutical companies, " said Pfizer

director of clinical research Suzanne Frost. " And 167 asked their

doctors about a variety of prescription medications they had seen on

TV. "

 

Frost said a small percentage of test subjects showed an interest in

becoming lobbyists for one of the top five pharmaceutical companies,

and several browsed eBay for drug-company apparel.

 

PharmAmorin, available in 100-, 200-, and 400-mg tablets, is classified

as a critical-thinking inhibitor, a family of drugs that holds great

promise for the estimated 20 million Americans who suffer from

Free-Thinking Disorder.

 

Pfizer will also promote PharmAmorin in an aggressive, $34.6 million

print and televised ad campaign.

 

One TV ad, set to debut during next Sunday's 60 Minutes telecast, shows

a woman relaxing in her living room and reading a newspaper headlined

" Newest Drug Company Scandal Undermines Public Trust. " The camera zooms

into the tangled neural matter of her brain, revealing a sticky black

substance and a purplish gas.

 

The narrator says, " She may show no symptoms, but in her brain,

irrational fear and dislike of global pharmaceutical manufacturers is

overwhelming her very peace of mind. "

 

After a brief summary of PharmAmorin's benefits, the commercial

concludes with the woman flying a kite across a sunny green meadow, the

Pfizer headquarters gleaming in the background.

 

PharmAmorin is the first drug of its kind, but Pfizer will soon face

competition from rival pharmaceutical giant Bristol-Myers Squibb. The

company is developing its own pro-pharmaceutical-company medication,

Brismysquibicin, which will induce warm feelings not just for drug

corporations in general, but solely for Bristol-Myers Squibb.

 

" A PharmAmorin user could find himself gravitating toward the products

of a GlaxoSmithKline or Eli Lilly, " BMS spokesman Andrew Fike said.

" This could seriously impede the patient's prescription-drug-market

acceptance, or worse, Pfizer's profits in the long run. "

 

" Brismysquibicin will be cheaper to produce and therefore far more

affordable to those on fixed incomes, " Fike added.

 

 

 

PharmAmorin's side effects include nausea, upset stomach, and ignoring

the side effects of prescription drug medication.

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