the new Divided States of America

[Guest guest]

Well I find this amusing in light of earlier despair about the US election

have a read::

 

 

Dear President Bush:

 

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,

we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you.

California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue

States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,

Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of

the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

 

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to

almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of

California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift

the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let

everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is

going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, were

getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting

you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).

 

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,

pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need

all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in

Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids

they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And

they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids caskets

coming home.

 

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the

Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney

Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

 

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night

TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan

O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to

come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch

Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

 

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really

hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.

Soon.

 

Sincerely,

California

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the laugh. I have been feeling kinda down lately.

sara

 

, " Craig Dearth " <cd39@e...> wrote:

>

> Well I find this amusing in light of earlier despair about

the US election

> have a read::

>

>

> Dear President Bush:

>

> Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.

Actually,

> we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you.

> California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the

Blue

> States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,

> Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all

of

> the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

>

> We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial

to

> almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of

> California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to

shift

> the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let

> everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is

> going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, were

> getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is

letting

> you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).

>

> Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,

> pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to

need

> all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to

fight in

> Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids

> they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose.

And

> they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids caskets

> coming home.

>

> So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the

> Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take

Britney

> Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

>

> Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late

night

> TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan

> O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox

News to

> come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch

> Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

>

> We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really

> hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.

Seriously.

> Soon.

>

> Sincerely,

> California