Peaceful Communication [Should]

[Guest guest]

Hi Lynne,

What you say brings a big smile to my face. Thanks so much for sharing your

experience exploring NVC!

 

I have found this way of communicating an invaluable addition to my

" vocabulary of behaviors " , a wonderful approach to help me distinguish and

clarify what is of me ... MY observations, feelings, needs and desires,

requests ... from what is not of me. This adventure into reality has been

ever so joyful!!!

 

One or two people here wrote disparaging comments in response to your post,

below. But it is evident that these people have not explored NVC, at least

not at the level of the principles and paradigms taught there. You are so

very fortunate to have in your life people who HAVE so explored!!!

 

Best to you,

Elchanan

_____

 

rawfood [rawfood ] On Behalf Of

Lynne Moore

Monday, October 22, 2007 11:54 AM

rawfood

Re: [Raw Food] Peaceful Communication [should] (WAS: Rights vs.

" Privileges and Immunities " )

 

 

Elchanan,

 

When I read your post, it sounded exactly like so many of my mother-in-law's

letters to me!! She has helped me so much over the past 6 years with her

nonviolent communication skills that she had learned from Marshall

Rosenberg! Both my father-in-law and mother-in-law worked closely with

Marshall for years, and Marian Moore helped to edit his book called

Nonviolent Communication: A language of life. Of course, she sent me a copy

of it, and she is mentioned in the " acknowledgements. " I would send letters

to try to resolve conflicts with my best friend, and I would pass them by

her ears first!! She would always correct my language, and it always worked

to help save my relationships!!! They are just wonderful ways to

communicate!!

 

Lynne

___

 

I wish to encourage you to explore something called " Nonviolent

Communication " (NVC), www.cnvc.org <http://www.cnvc.org/> . Words like

" should " , " ought " , and the like imply demands/expectations. Your brief

statement, quoted above, suggests that there is something wrong with a

person who does not respond in this way.

 

Now consider an alternative:

 

When I observe many things happening in America today, I feel anger, because

I need to know that I and those who come after me remain safe and free.

 

Or this, taking a step forward in one's own internal processing:

 

When I observe XXX happening in America today, I feel a deep sense of

sadness and fear. I wonder what my life and the lives of those close to me

will be like during the years ahead.

 

I could continue. The point is that in these examples, " I " am expressing on

my own behalf only, without stating or implying anything about what others

might be doing, should do, or the like.

 

Make sense?

 

Suggestion/Request: Whenever you hear yourself say (or are about to say)

" should " , pause and reflect instead of speaking/writing. Ask yourself what

YOU really wish to express for and about yourself. I know that I would feel

a much more clear sense of connection with you if you were to do this at

times.

 

And to respond directly to your question, much about the way in which you

express yourself, not only in that post but continually, conveys anger to

me. And of course, I recognize that anger is only secondary; underneath the

anger, I imagine you must have many, many feelings of hurt/pain,

powerlessness, disconnection, disappointment, and so forth that you have

never found a constructive way to express and resolve. I do not mean this

disparagingly at all. Rather, I would say that almost everyone is in the

same boat, more or less. My intention here is simply to pen the door to

discussing it, that's all.

 

Best, Elchanan