Parenting Today [Caron] (WAS: A painful lesson)

[Guest guest]

Well, Caron, it seems that much of my backlog in this group involves you!

:) Just a couple of thoughts on the excerpt, below:

 

1. I agree, you cannot lock the fridge, nor do I suggest it. Rather, I

suggest that you fill it in the first place. That's addressing the " root " of

the issue, so to speak.

 

2. I agree, he sounds somewhat " speeded up " . When I was 4, some jackass ...

I mean, some erudite physician ... put me on some horrendous drugs ...

things that today are illegal to administer to children and even, except in

certain circumstances, to adults. I am familiar with childhood boredom

beyond what you can probably imagine ... I was " into everything " , as the

saying goes.

 

If you have a very bright, inquisitive child, then count your blessings, for

such children possess the potential to change the world. Your " job " , as it

were, is not to fill his every waking moment with something " interesting "

.... you cannot, no matter how hard you might try. Rather, your " job " is to

observe and to notice ... what strikes his curiosity, in what does he take

an " extra " interest? Then help him find resources, that he may explore on

his own in these areas. And at the same time, make sure he is getting the

basic exposure to reading, arithmetic, and self-expression from which all

children benefit. Don't try and do it all for him, don't own his boredom.

Instead, notice and focus on his not-boredom, his flashes of interest and

enthusiasm.

 

Does this make sense? I hope so!

Elchanan

_____

 

rawfood [rawfood ] On Behalf Of

Caron

Thursday, June 14, 2007 1:03 AM

rawfood

Re: [Raw Food] Parenting Today [Caron] (WAS: A painful lesson)

 

 

Yes, I am the adult, but I understand that it's very confusing for a child

to suddenly have a change in routine, and no explanation. There is also the

issue that I cannot lock the fridge, and he's been able to open it for at

least a year now. The only doors in the house are to the outside, and on the

bathroom, which don't help with segregating the house, and he can easily

climb over any barrier I could place.

 

I am happy to fast, and usually spend most of the day fasting anyway, but

this boy seems to think he needs to eat from the moment he wakes up until he

goes to sleep at night. I'm certain it's a boredom thing, but convincing him

to be entertained rather than fed is a large task, and requires repeating

several times a day which, quite frankly, is exhausting.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

-

Elchanan

>Well, Caron, it seems that much of my backlog in this group involves you!

:)

 

Aww, I feel very special ;o) Thankyou for sharing your time and knowledge.

 

>1. I agree, you cannot lock the fridge, nor do I suggest it. Rather, I

suggest that you fill it in the first place. That's addressing the " root " of

the issue, so to speak.

 

Very good idea, and it did come to me eventually, hehe. Trouble is, I have

issues with " wasting " foods (my mother was born just after wwII, and was

brought up not to waste, and brought us up the same way), so don't like to

throw it away, but if I give it away, I feel like I'm knowingly poisoning

whoever I give it to. I have hoarded all my life, it's hard to break through

that. I am working on it though - throwing out things that are past their

expiry date. I've given some things to my parents, but this is just shifting

it to another place that we frequently visit. I'll get there though, I plan

to have my fridge full of fruit this summer. Of course, there's still my

parents' fridge...

 

>2. I agree, he sounds somewhat " speeded up " . When I was 4, some jackass ...

I mean, some erudite physician ... put me on some horrendous drugs ...

things that today are illegal to administer to children and even, except in

certain circumstances, to adults. I am familiar with childhood boredom

beyond what you can probably imagine ... I was " into everything " , as the

saying goes.

 

I heard your story with those drugs, and I feel for you; you've done really

well to overcome the effects of them. I decided long before my son came

along that I'd never drug my children, because I know that adhd, add, and so

on, are either food related, or due to high intelligence, or both. I was

bored as a child too, but because I was quiet and polite (and scared of my

parents if I acted otherwise!), I was given help at school, put up years, or

sent to teach younger students, or given special assignments, or just found

my own things to study. My brothers, on the other hand, were given

detentions and poor marks, because they stopped working when they finished

what was set, or just didn't do it because they'd done the same thing

yesterday. My older brother left school at 16, and got an appreticeship, and

ended up working the full job halfway through his first year; my younger

brother stuck it out, with my help, and now has a job with an engineering

firm where he has more clients than the graduates, and they're paying him to

finish his degree. They were just as intelligent, if not moreso than me, but

it wasn't recognised in them because they weren't studious like me.

 

>If you have a very bright, inquisitive child, then count your blessings,

>for

such children possess the potential to change the world. Your " job " , as it

were, is not to fill his every waking moment with something " interesting "

.... you cannot, no matter how hard you might try. Rather, your " job " is to

observe and to notice ... what strikes his curiosity, in what does he take

an " extra " interest? Then help him find resources, that he may explore on

his own in these areas. And at the same time, make sure he is getting the

basic exposure to reading, arithmetic, and self-expression from which all

children benefit. Don't try and do it all for him, don't own his boredom.

Instead, notice and focus on his not-boredom, his flashes of interest and

enthusiasm.

 

When I say " be entertained " I mean entertain himself. I do try to interact

with him throughout the day, because I enjoy spending time with him, but I

also like to encourage his " alone " time, because he does thrive with it. He

enjoys reading, and so do I, but he also enjoys being read to (and I enjoy

reading to him) - when he was about 8 months old, he started reading to me

while I sewed, with perfect inflection and intonation (though not many

actual words, hehe). He loves numbers and counting, as well as letters and

writing, but these are things he can't really learn on his own, they're

taught verbally. He loves to learn how things work, usually by pulling them

apart, and enjoys building with blocks and things. He has his " office " set

up next to mine (all in the same room), with his desk, his pens and pencils,

a stash of paper to draw and write on, his books on his bookshelf, and his

toys in boxes (all educational toys, like a trainset for him to build,

trucks and things that require manual operation, building blocks, and so on,

no bells and whistles here). He has plenty of stimulation if he'll explore

it all. I do take him outside at least once a day, but as we have no fence,

it's not safe for him to be outside alone (not that I'd send him out alone

anyway).

 

There are things I want to teach him, like sewing, which he begs to be able

to do every day, but those little fingers will fit under the needle of the

machine, so I only let him do it while supervised (ie, on my lap, with me

pressing the pedal). He also enjoys power tools, but that's Grandpa's

domain. We play music, both on the stereo and on our keyboards, and I have a

guitar to give him for his birthday, and a violin too, possibly for

christmas. He also likes watching the wiggles, to pick up their dance moves.

I plan to homeschool him (or let him learn naturally, to be more to the

point), because I really don't like the schools around here, but I want to

let him lead the learning, where practical. He knows most of his letters and

numbers by sight, and can count on his own to 5, and with help to 10, so the

basics will be covered (all this is at his request, I don't believe in

training children to be parrots who recite lessons to impress people). I

just don't want to squash the enormous potential that he has between his

cute little ears. Boredom seems to be the first step down the path to

teenage delinquency, if my brothers are any indication.

 

Anyway, back to the point, the eating thing really comes in when he's bored

with his activities. He seems a bit obsessive at times, if you've seen the

tv show Monk, he really reminds me of him! When he gets hold of an activity,

he'll repeat it, continuously, until it runs out, or I go insane and tell

him to stop. He'll eat a banana, then eat another banana, then eat another

banana, then eat another banana, then get cranky because there are no more

ripe or none left. Then he'll demand another type of food, and eat that till

there's none left, or until his belly gets huge and sore.

 

He did seem to improve a bit, he'd peel 3 bananas, put them in a bowl, and

eat them all, and that would be it. Or I'd cut him up 3 dates (cutting the

seed out, then cutting bite-sized pieces), and he'd eat them all, and that

would be enough. But today he's back to it - he ate his dates, then demanded

more, then wanted almonds (which I said no to), then he had bananas, then

wanted almonds again.

 

So, other than the boredom thing, I wonder if it is actually hunger, which

is better satiated by eating 3 at once rather than 3 spread out over an

hour. I also think it has to do with the crappy " food " I've been eating,

because he wakes more frequently for feeds at night, and is more unsettled

generally. Mum gets a bit worried that he's eating too many bananas, because

he's eaten them since he started on solids, and has always eaten huge

quanities of them, up to a dozen a day at times, to the point of eating

little else. We got dates last week (fresh californian organic dates, yum!),

which has given him some variety, and he had a kiwi fruit, and has apples

too. I limit him to one avocado (about half the weight of a californian

avocado, according to Nutridiary - it weighs about 100g with the seed) a

day, for dinner, which neither he nor mum think is enough, but he doesn't

wake hungry at night, so I think it's plenty for him.

 

>Does this make sense? I hope so!

 

Yours made perfect sense, thankyou! I just hope mine makes sense too (I'm

amazed at how fuzzy crappy foods make my brain, I can't even complete a

simple puzzle today).

 

Caron