Parenting Today [Caron] (WAS: A painful lesson)

[Guest guest]

Hi Caron,

 

Yes, I can appreciate the laugh. And the challenge you describe ... it is

easier for me to suggest this or that from a distance than for you to carry

it out. So I ask you these questions:

 

1. How old are you?

2. How old is this child?

3. Who owns the kitchen?

4. Who controls the food supply in the house?

5. Who is the parent and who the child ... REALLY ... at this time?

 

We have, during the past 2-3 generations, developed a culture in which

parents are run by their children, in which parents are afraid to parent. I

call this condition " unparenting " , and it is NOT constructive for anyone

involved.

 

If you remove all the food, he will fast. Will he throw a fit? Perhaps. And

what happens at that point is ENTIRELY a function of how YOU respond (well,

and your husband, if he is present). If you lower yourself to the child's

level, explaining, convincing, etc., then the child is immediately and

entirely in control of you. On the other hand, if you keep it VERY simple

.... this is what we're doing now, no discussion ... and if you just decide

to stay the course, then the course will be stayed.

 

Try fasting with him ... from what I have read, you would benefit, too! And

that way you can do it together.

 

Also, his diet sounds like a bit of a mess, to put it kindly. If I ate that

way, I'd almost cease to function at all. More on that some other time. For

now, since this rash seems of such concern to you, a simple little fast

should bring about great progress.

 

One thing: stay well hydrated. (YOU, I mean. That is what will keep up your

breast milk production, even if you fast for a bit.)

 

Now, I'd like to address, very briefly, a larger point: why, of all the

symptoms in your household, do you place such priority on dealing with this

rash? This I do not understand. And I realize I " owe " you a response to at

least one earlier post. I'm taking some time for myself recently, but in

this case, where a child's immediate welfare is involved, I decided to share

a few thoughts.

 

Hope this helps, though it's probably not what you would like to hear.

 

Best,

Elchanan

_____

 

rawfood [rawfood ] On Behalf Of

Caron

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 10:56 PM

rawfood

Re: [Raw Food] A painful lesson

 

 

Elchanan Why not stop doing everything ... because everything you are

doing is interfering with the body's own healing processes ... and have the

child fast on water only for about 24-36 hours?

 

Thanks for the laugh, Elchanan ;o) I know you weren't trying to be funny,

but if you knew my boy, and how impossible it is to have him go even a short

while without eating...Also it was great timing, as I'm trying to convince

him that he does NOT need to eat more, after all he's eaten today. He had

his usual half dozen bananas for breakfast, then scoffed down a few dozen

almonds before I noticed that he was being very quiet, and chucked a tanty

when I put them away, then he ate a huge avocado (if I didn't know it was

certified organic, I could have sworn it was radioactive, it was at least

twice the size of a regular avocado!), then said his tummy was full, and

went to play, then I went into the kitchen a few minutes later to find him

into the almonds again, so I put them up, and told him no more or he'd be

sick, explaining the concept of " too much of a good thing " , then he had some

of my orange juice, then he had an apple, and has just finished a tub of

cooked veges. He's had breastfeeds in between, and is currently pestering

me for another one, 5 minutes after finishing his veges. Oh, and he's been

to the potty 4 times today, and it's only 4pm (usually once in the morning,

occasionally twice a day). He drives me nuts some days!

 

So, how do I get that fast happening?? (serious question here, I think it

might do him good, though I'd probably keep the breastfeeds up)

 

Caron

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Elchanan,

 

All very good points, but as you say, not so easy in practice.

 

Having already listened to the " messages from within " , I saw the skin rash for

what it is, and commented on it as a rather painful lesson for him to have to

learn. As a mother, it is difficult for me to see my child suffer in that way,

or any way, so a few people suggested some ways to possibly relieve the pain and

itching for him. I cut his fingernails to prevent him scratching, and put some

breastmilk on the rash this morning, to relieve itching. I had other people

suggest that I was too hard on him re the food in the first place.

 

Yes, I am the adult, but I understand that it's very confusing for a child to

suddenly have a change in routine, and no explanation. There is also the issue

that I cannot lock the fridge, and he's been able to open it for at least a year

now. The only doors in the house are to the outside, and on the bathroom, which

don't help with segregating the house, and he can easily climb over any barrier

I could place.

 

I am happy to fast, and usually spend most of the day fasting anyway, but this

boy seems to think he needs to eat from the moment he wakes up until he goes to

sleep at night. I'm certain it's a boredom thing, but convincing him to be

entertained rather than fed is a large task, and requires repeating several

times a day which, quite frankly, is exhausting.

 

So, I have people on one side saying I'm too hard on him, others on the other

side saying I'm letting him rule the roost, and me stuck in the middle, trying

desperately to keep him healthy, myself sane, and find out exactly how to go

about improving both our diets with the resources I have. I'm interested as to

why you say his diet is that bad (I see an obvious flaw in the cooked veges, and

plan to wean him off them - they're supplied by my parents, and I don't feel up

to the battle of explaining to them my decision for us to go raw while I'm still

battling him, and trying to figure it all out for myself). I really want to know

how I can fix his diet, AND resolve all the issues we've been having lately. I

understand that you need some time for yourself, and really appreciate you

sharing that time to help out on this. I'm happy to wait on answers for my other

questions, just don't want to mess things up for my boy any more than I already

have.

 

Thankyou, again.

 

Caron

 

 

 

 

-

Elchanan

rawfood

Thursday, June 14, 2007 4:45 PM

[Raw Food] Parenting Today [Caron] (WAS: A painful lesson)

 

 

Hi Caron,

 

Yes, I can appreciate the laugh. And the challenge you describe ... it is

easier for me to suggest this or that from a distance than for you to carry

it out. So I ask you these questions:

 

1. How old are you?

2. How old is this child?

3. Who owns the kitchen?

4. Who controls the food supply in the house?

5. Who is the parent and who the child ... REALLY ... at this time?

 

We have, during the past 2-3 generations, developed a culture in which

parents are run by their children, in which parents are afraid to parent. I

call this condition " unparenting " , and it is NOT constructive for anyone

involved.

 

If you remove all the food, he will fast. Will he throw a fit? Perhaps. And

what happens at that point is ENTIRELY a function of how YOU respond (well,

and your husband, if he is present). If you lower yourself to the child's

level, explaining, convincing, etc., then the child is immediately and

entirely in control of you. On the other hand, if you keep it VERY simple

... this is what we're doing now, no discussion ... and if you just decide

to stay the course, then the course will be stayed.

 

Try fasting with him ... from what I have read, you would benefit, too! And

that way you can do it together.

 

Also, his diet sounds like a bit of a mess, to put it kindly. If I ate that

way, I'd almost cease to function at all. More on that some other time. For

now, since this rash seems of such concern to you, a simple little fast

should bring about great progress.

 

One thing: stay well hydrated. (YOU, I mean. That is what will keep up your

breast milk production, even if you fast for a bit.)

 

Now, I'd like to address, very briefly, a larger point: why, of all the

symptoms in your household, do you place such priority on dealing with this

rash? This I do not understand. And I realize I " owe " you a response to at

least one earlier post. I'm taking some time for myself recently, but in

this case, where a child's immediate welfare is involved, I decided to share

a few thoughts.

 

Hope this helps, though it's probably not what you would like to hear.

 

Best,

Elchanan

_____

 

rawfood [rawfood ] On Behalf Of

Caron

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 10:56 PM

rawfood

Re: [Raw Food] A painful lesson

 

Elchanan Why not stop doing everything ... because everything you are

doing is interfering with the body's own healing processes ... and have the

child fast on water only for about 24-36 hours?

 

Thanks for the laugh, Elchanan ;o) I know you weren't trying to be funny,

but if you knew my boy, and how impossible it is to have him go even a short

while without eating...Also it was great timing, as I'm trying to convince

him that he does NOT need to eat more, after all he's eaten today. He had

his usual half dozen bananas for breakfast, then scoffed down a few dozen

almonds before I noticed that he was being very quiet, and chucked a tanty

when I put them away, then he ate a huge avocado (if I didn't know it was

certified organic, I could have sworn it was radioactive, it was at least

twice the size of a regular avocado!), then said his tummy was full, and

went to play, then I went into the kitchen a few minutes later to find him

into the almonds again, so I put them up, and told him no more or he'd be

sick, explaining the concept of " too much of a good thing " , then he had some

of my orange juice, then he had an apple, and has just finished a tub of

cooked veges. He's had breastfeeds in between, and is currently pestering

me for another one, 5 minutes after finishing his veges. Oh, and he's been

to the potty 4 times today, and it's only 4pm (usually once in the morning,

occasionally twice a day). He drives me nuts some days!

 

So, how do I get that fast happening?? (serious question here, I think it

might do him good, though I'd probably keep the breastfeeds up)

 

Caron