HILARIOUS! From WAR: New drug for activists! Day 5 I've fallen and I Can't Get Up!

[Guest guest]

 

****Cross Post Freely****

OPERATION: 12 DAYS OF XMAS '08

DAY 5: I HAVE FALLEN & I CAN'T GET UPIn years past, as part of our Operation: 12 Days of Xmas, we have lamented about the advent of the dreaded AETA Blues Flu, PVRAHT (pronounced pervert) and more commonly known M.A.D. or Mad Activist Disease. Subsequently, our friendly friends at GlaxMerkPfizArtisBMS, whose research was driven by massive NIH grants, developed the highly touted wonder drugs Fukitol and Fukitol + Max which relieved the symptoms of the dreaded "slacktivism". Well, from our perspective, the Fukitol family of products did a wonderful job, but

not without some really nasty side effects. Some of the side effects were so dark and sinister that we don't dare talk about them here. Just a hint though, we have heard that the number one market for Fukitol nationally is in the general vicinity of the UCLA animal torture facilities....WORD!In years past, use of these drugs caused our 12 Days of Xmas to become even more twisted then they have in the past, resulting in the issuance of Operation: 12 Days of Xmas - Day 8.5 in 2007, euphemistically known as the "Kumbaya Dammit Manifesto". By now, if you have been with us in years past, you may have a clue what we are talking about. If you are new to our lists, you are probably totally lost and wondering what in the world we are talking about. In a word, a new and wondorously wonderful wonder drug.....SARCASMA.SARCASMA was developed through a joint grant program, funded by the Center for Consumer Freedom and the Fur Information Council of America and the word is that it may have been secretly underwritten by animal welfare groups frightened by the growing militancy of the animal liberation movement and the threat of donor drop-off. To see the full advertisement for SARCASMA, please visit:http://katierush.com/funny/sarcasma.htm(definitely worth

a look)This new drug is largely free of serious side effects. The only known side effects include: bleeding from tongue biting, lethargy, depressed levels of activity, slow heart rate, shallow breathing through mouth, slacktivism, addiction to reality TV shows and increased usage of words/terms like "gosh", "darn", "golly gee", "ya think" (in a cute Sarah Palin tone of voice) and, of course, excessive winking. The government is so impressed with this drug, that a program is under consideration, to provide free SARCASMA to anyone who lives with a social justice or eco-activist along with a handy set of instructions on how to dose an unknowing activist using seasoned tofu, crunchy granola, vegan smoothies and raw food bars. FDA guidelines suggest that the optimal pharma-cocktail would consist of one dose of Fukitol + Max to allow activists to believe that they still have self-direction and two doses of Sarcasma to ensure

compliance with the "authorities" and distraught relatives.Through the efforts of our favorite chubby NYPD police lieutenant (*blowing sweet vegan kisses and wink-wink-winks to Lt. Albano*), the NYPD PBA (Police Benevolent Association) has generously offered to provide Win Animal Rights with a lifetime supply of SARCASMA as long as we promise to take it.TODAY'S ACTION:Let us know what you think. Should we take them up on their offer?Do you like the kinder, gentler Win Animal Rights?Or did you like the old WAR better?Should we be good little activists & take our daily dose of SARCASMA with soymilk and vegan cupcakes? Or should we take our Fukitol straight up and chase it down with a healthy dose of direct action?Send your reply to: centcom Please note: We had to suspend usage of SARCASMA, for three days, in order to write this alert. Visit the WAR Calendar for future events: http://calendar./winanimalrightsVisit the WAR MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/winanimalrightsVisit the WAR CrueltyFree.com page: http://www.crueltyfree.com/winanimalrights

For more info contact Win Animal Rights at: centcomCall: 646.267.9934 or visit the WAR website at: http://war-online.org